I lied to my husband about something stupid and now he doesn't want me anymore

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 166
1481 posts
Bumble bee

I would be surprised if he actually got the papers. Sounds like more crazy controlling talk from him. I would get out and lawyer up. In some off chance he does have papers I wouldn’t sign anything until I spoke with a lawyer. Most importantly, be safe. Alot of bees are worried for you. Myself included. 

Post # 167
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

YES. ^^^ 

Post # 168
992 posts
Busy bee

hisonly :  “He’s not insecure, he’s very attractive.”  Actually, as many beautiful women can tell you, you CAN be insecure and attractive. The problems come about when you decide to take your deep insecurity and use it as a bludgeon to motivate your abuse of your partner.  YOUR partner is emotionally and verbally abusive to you, period. And NO, before you tell me about his terrible childhood and this and that – NO.  He knows exactly what he is doing.  He is tearing you down, controlling you, and putting you in a position where you are too broken down to leave him. It is what they DO.  I mean Jesus, even your name on WeddingBee is “hisonly.”  If you don’t mean that in some biblical sense, he already has your mind seriously warped. 

You said you’re funny at work, but he doesn’t know it.  So he’s affecting your personality.  Soon, you won’t be funny at work. There are MANY, MANY people who have had horrible childhoods, I know a few that have had it much worse than your partner – but guess what, they aren’t abusers. You know why?  Because having been deeply hurt and experiencing turmoil makes them want to treat others with extra kindness.  They become helpers, doctors, therapists, or just good partners.

Does your partner have any female friends?  A sister? Friends sisters or mothers?  Female coworkers or bosses?  If he has ever interacted with another female, and hasn’t shamed them for being attention seekers, or called them whores then he KNOWS that this is not acceptable to human behavior.  The fact that he targets you specifically is very intentional.  It is like the men who go into “angry rages” and manage to only break the wife’s things.  Please consider reading “Why does he do that?” – a book that breaks down the behaviors of abusers, their thoughts, their abuse types, and their excuses.  Because bottom line, he is using his bad childhood and likely his drug use as an excuse to abuse you.  As in, he would abuse you either way.  My guess is at that at some point, you responded the way he wanted (with embarrassment, shame, or self defense) when he suggested you were promiscuous – and now he is using that as leverage against you.  If you would exchange that for being a woman with an inclination toward over-eating, he’d feed you cheeseburgers and call you fat. if you had a drug problem yourself, he’d say you were “different” when you weren’t high like you were unpleasant or not fun to be around, and then shame you for your addiction.  Because he find every weakness you have and will do ANYTHING to control you.

LEAVE HIM. You are too young to cause yourself such lasting emotional damage over such a bad, unhealthy person.


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