(Closed) I live with my future in-laws…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I just want to say that you are way more easy going about the situation than I would be haha. So even though I understand your annoyance I think you are handling it pretty damn gracefully.

I’ll be sending out good vibes for you and your fiance that things go well!

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im guessing lots of couples live with one set of parents for a variety of reason so as long as there are rules in place then follow them

in hindsight you & your Fiance maybe should have got in first and said something like i fell asleep but nothing happened and we’re sorry before your FI’s had a chance to say anything. personally im a bit old fashion so i respect your FIL’s stance on this one

either way – youre feeling pretty blah about the whole thing so hopefully you & your Fiance can have a laught and feel better about it soon

trust me, June 2010 is going to come around real quick and then you will be 2 states away starting your new life together… and alone

sending hugs.. in a non sexual, you under the covers and me on top of the covers way 🙂

 

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

vegas sounds GREAT!  my renewal vow dream is to go to vegas, drivethru with an elvis impersonator and all the wedding vows are elvis songs (eg, will you be her teddy bear)… tragic but thats me

its almost August already so 2010 is going to happen real fast

Post # 7
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honey my parents are the same way as your Future In-Laws. Hahaha! My dad will not even let my Fiance upstairs my bedroom and my sisters’ bedrooms are. He has to stay downstairs and use the guest bedroom and bathroom. We got engaged on Cmas eve in front of my whole family and at the end of the night my dad pulled me aside and said I am really happy for the two of you but you are not married yet so he cannot stay with you. We have been dating for about 3 years and are having a 2 year engagement. Just take deep breaths and remember that soon you will not be under their roof.

 

Post # 8
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Ooh, that sucks. A lot. My parents are super conservative (dad is a Church of Christ minister)…and that is why they live in Texas and I live in Florida with my FI’s parents. They are super cool and don’t butt into our private life (just like we don’t butt into theirs)…but I feel your pain. My parents are NOT cool with my Fiance staying in my room when we visit.

I’d like to ask, though- did the in-laws have a conversation with your Fiance AND you, or just you? Because that’s not fair if that’s the case.

Post # 10
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Thats awkward but I’m glad they were pretty cool about it.

We have our own house but visit my parents about once a month, my parents are pretty conservative with the whole sleeping together in their house thing.  My brothers’ fiances all had to sleep in my room until they were married.  My parents downsized after that so now daisygroom can sleep in my room but has to sleep on a cot. 

Post # 11
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I should think myself lucky that both my parents and FH’s family allows us to share a room!  That is stressful not having a private life, but I guess the place is good and cheap for you now, and rules are rules 🙂

Post # 12
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That must be so frustrating, I really feel for you. I was in a similar situation not too long ago. I’m in an LDR with my bf, we currently get to see each other once a week – previously it was once a fortnight, possibly once every 3 weeks. Only recently have we been able to stay in the same bed when I go over to stay. I’m 24, he’s 28.  It used to frustrate me that I’d be seeing him for 24 hours, with about half of that being asleep, and therefore not being with him.

His mum is rather traditional and conservative. One night he told me he’d had a word with her and now we stay in the same room. When he comes to mine there is little option other to stay in my room (small house). Nosey grandmother asking where he was going to sleep was trickily dodged…

Still if Boyfriend or Best Friend was on top of the covers and you were under them…did they really think something would have happened?

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow that sucks. My parents have always been cool about letting my stay with my Fiance. They knew we stayed together at school and they were like, “just don’t do anything we wouldn’t approve of” which was awkward, but at least we got to snuggle.

But, his mom made a HUGE deal about how he MUST sleep on the couch and this that and the other (after we lived together). Finally I said I wouldn’t stay there if she was going to make such a stink about it that it made me uncomfortable. So we stopped staying there and know what? One night at a motel 6 and she told us, “look, you can stay with her. It’s ok” What got me is that we’d lived together barely 8 months before….that’s why i thought it was so weird.

I dunno. I don’t like being treated like that and I don’t think that getting married just so you can be “approved of” by them isn’t cool. Don’t elope. Either wait it out patiently (their house, their rules, I know) or find a way to move out and get your own privacy. I can’t imagine that living with them is really all that healthy for your relationship anyways. Every couple needs privacy. But getting married b/c it’s “convenient” isn’t necessarily the best way to go, just so he can stay with you in his own room.

But hey, if you’re cool with it, then I guess you figure it comes with the territory. I just don’t appreciate having a “talking to” when I’m an adult, in general. It doesn’t sound like they made you real uncomfortable in general, though, but it was more of an “oops” thing. I suddenly feel like my parents are very “cool”, lol. Then again, they encouraged me to live with him, too, haha. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the “rules”, I just would never subject myself to them.

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@gingerlex, we had a similiar situation. Once he went into the military, I only saw him every couple of months, so it really was poopy to only get to spend daylight together. I just think, in general, it’s more awkward for the couple ot have everyone making a big deal of “so where are THEY going to sleep” like you’re going to fornicate in the house or something. I mean, really! Tongue out

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@ ejs4y8, not meaning to start and arguement with you but this bit………. “his mom made a HUGE deal about how he MUST sleep on the couch and this that and the other (after we lived together). Finally I said I wouldn’t stay there if she was going to make such a stink about it that it made me uncomfortable”

its her house. what you do under your own roof is perfectly fine but to make your own demands under someone elses roof is really rude to me. yes youre adults but so is she so why is her life choices for her home unrespected?

like i said im not picking a fight with you at all, i just wanted to say that not all families are open to having non married couples sleep together in their homes and i think that should be respected

at the end of the day, to each their own…..

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