(Closed) I Look Down on Young Women With Husbands and Kids and I'm Not Sorry

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 137
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

End Rant 🙂

Post # 138
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m getting my MD. I am also getting married. I plan to celebrate both. plus, as an MD I’ll make about 5x what my future husband will be making ( gasp, the scandal!) He has supported me through chasing my dreams and being with him is in no way anti feminist

Post # 139
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@TwoStatesBride:  Here comes the rant!  (You asked for it).  😉

“Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself?” What’s to say she doesn’t take care of herself just because she stays home?  I think that’s a big leap.

Overall, I think she really misses the big picture of marriage.  Marriage is not “a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration.”  Nor is it a “super easy task.”  You know what else is the most common thing ever in the history of the world?  Slavery and prostitution.  Does that mean that “by definition” these things are average?  I sure hope not!

“If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?”  So first, marriage was equated with settling for being average.  Now it is being equated with doing nothing.  There’s a big disconnect here.

If a woman is getting married because she is “choosing the path of least resistance”, then I agree with the author that that’s nothing to celebrate.  But if a woman is getting married because she has found her soul mate, someone she can confide in and share her life with, someone she wants to be with forever and have others understand and appreciate the commitment she’s choosing, then why on Earth is she less entitled to celebrate than someone who earns a promotion?  I think both these things should be celebrated!  (In all honesty, I think you can celebrate just about anything that you want to, whether others agree its celebration-worthy or not).

The author believes there is more value in a woman backpacking on her own through Asia than a woman choosing to make a lifelong commitment to love and support one man.  Okay.  Well, that’s fine.  She’s entitled to her own opinion.  As are the rest of us.  I don’t think it’s fair for her to judge why other people choose to get married or why other people choose to celebrate the things they do.

“You will never have the time, energy, freedom, or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.”  Where is the evidence to support this claim coming from?  Her personal experience being married with kids and never reaching her own definition of exceptional?  This is a very biased, subjective, and largely unprovable statement. 

Finally, I love how there’s an ad at the bottom of the page for “What cellulite really is: this will shock you!”  Oh, and there’s another called “Types of Women I Hate”.  Well, that would be this blogger.  LOL!

Oh, and my favorite top comment: “And your biggest accomplishment is . . . being a jerk on the internet. YAY, YOU, AMY! Maybe if you really were such a big deal, you wouldn’t feel the need to tear down other people just to build yourself up. Signed, A married mom of three who has been to 22 countries. (I’ll take that shower you want to throw me.)”

Post # 141
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@TwoStatesBride:  “his dedication to me and support of my goals is what gave me the bravery to pursue my dreams.”

That is the sweetest thing ever!  My heart just melted.  🙂

Post # 142
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As someone who works in child protection, I have seen firsthand how important raising kids and managing households is. My mother stayed home with me because she wanted to. It brought her joy and fulfillment and capitalized on her greatest talent of compassion. I am who I am because I had someone there 24/7 to guide me and I am so thankful for that. So, yes, managing a household/raising kids is HARD. Stay at home parents (and working parents!) dedicate their existence to their children. My best friend is a stay at home mom and every moment of her day is focused on those children. It’s not like she’s lazing around eating candy. 

Women with kids, women without kids, women who stay home, women who work, women who marry, women who don’t… EVERY life path is valid. The author of this piece is just as bad as those who perptuate objectification of women. If men have the right to choose their life path, so do women. 

Post # 144
Member
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

@TwoStatesBride:  I agree with some of the ideas behind the blog post, but I disagree with the way she has said it. I also think being a young wife and mother has nothing to do with how far you advance in your career. I know a girl who had her son at 16, and she is currently applying for graduate schools. You CAN have the best of both worlds. Managing a household IS hard, and I think my SO would agree, and we don’t even have kids! Coming home from work to have to do cooking and cleaning is terrible! I think she has a pretty crappy, judgmental attitude in general. I really don’t care about the whole feminism thing, but why can’t we all just choose what’s best for us?

Post # 145
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

From her other articles, I think this author is a massive troll who’s just trying to be inflammatory by writing about certain viewpoints. I can’t take anything she says seriously.

Post # 146
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@peachacid:  Interesting take on your original comment, assuming you have made others. 

I wonder if this is why the women I know who stay home seem to feel guilty for doing so? Like somehow, deep down, they don’t feel what they are doing isn’t enough or an accomplishment of itself. I’ve never personally thought this (we all have our own path) but I do hear this slant in our conversations a lot. Just a thought…

Post # 147
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I stopped reading when I read this:

“You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.”

What an ignorant, hateful, judgemental thing to say. I have nothing to learn from someone with THAT attitude.

Post # 148
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This little nugget right here:

Feminism is, in fact, all about supporting the lifestyle choices of everyone, all women, everywhere, no matter what they may be. If we tell women that because they are women they must do a certain thing or act a certain way because they are women, it is, by definition, anti-feminist. Telling women that they cannothave children AND have a fulfilling career is, by definition, anti-feminist.

+1000000

Also I had my child at 22, graduated college (finally) at 26, I’m 27 and just started grad school, my boss who is a Director in her dept – mid 30’s no children – even told me that I will benefit from having a child at a young age because by the time I’m able to get to where she’s at in her career I won’t have to deal with deciding on whether or not I should have children, or deal with getting pregnant/having a young child in the midst of my career flourishing. She also said now that she’s at the point she’s at in her own career she most likely won’t be able to raise a small child because she’s is just too busy, so having a baby is out of the question and she said that with sadness in her eyes. That article is pure bullshit.

This is why I consider myself to be a womanist, I find so many so called feminist to be worse than sexist patriarchs.

Note: Not to say that having a succesful carreer and then having a child isn’t possible but in some industries where you constantly have to travel it can be hard but NOT IMPOSSIBLE!! We as women can do it ALL!!

Post # 149
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My response to the author:  “”

You can kiss my lily white butt for just your first couple paragraphs. I couldn’t even stomach reading the rest after your spew of hate in the form of “We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them.”

I’ve suffered from infertility and loss for 3.5 years. I’ve lost SIX babies because my body couldn’t do what a “normal” woman’s body could. It’s pieces of shit articles like this that knock all of us ladies down who are already going through the wringer. I’m BLESSED to be in the middle (FINALLY!) of a successful pregnancy. Many of my friends are still struggling and some have had to come to grips with the fact that it just WILL NOT HAPPEN FOR THEM. No it DOESN’T happen for “literally” everyone. More and more women struggle with infertility and repeat loss every year. Perhaps you need to look at some of your basic facts before you go off on a stupid, insensitive rant like this one.

Being a stay at home mom IS something I aspire to. I believe that our children are the future and that teaching them to be RESPONSIBLE adults is just about the MOST important thing a parent can do. Some people do manage to do that and work full time. Some don’t.””

This article just pissed me off to no end.  I agree with those saying that she just simply looks down on people in general. 

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