I lost my job: question about living together

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The right thing is what he agrees to. Unless you guys are married, you’re separate legal financial units. So if he doesn’t feel comfortable subsidizing you, that’s not a bad thing on his part. Ask him. You’ll learn about who he is and where your relationship stands in his eyes.

Post # 3
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

it kind of depends on the seriousness of the relationship.  how long have you been living together?  how long have you been dating?  is marriage anywhere on the horizon?  I wouldn’t expect that kind of help from just any boyfriend.  and he’s obviously aware that you’re uemployed right now, but the fact that he hasn’t offered to help you yet kind of indicates to me that he doesn’t want to.  but it’s worth asking since you really are in a bind.

Post # 4
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

I probably would- to me, that’s what a partnership is about. Being equal contributors, yes, but also shouldering the load for a bit if you need to. I know that in my relationship, there have been times where I’ve given more, and times (like now) where my husband picks up the slack a bit. As long as my partner was actively looking for work and not like, blowing what money they did have on things they didn’t need, I’d cut them some slack for sure. 

Post # 5
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I have been in situations where my significant other left his job, and I helped him with his share until he could get back on his feet. 

I would do it again, but it is a financial burden if you do not have all that much extra income once your bills are paid.

I do think you should volunteer to pay what you can afford, and I do think that you should talk to your significant other and see if they are willing to help you. Most partners would probably say okay, but how long will you be without a job? Doing it for an extended period of time is exhausting.

Do you have some type of emergency savings?

Post # 6
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

andromeda99 :  

why have you not talked to him about this? It doesn’t matter what the bees think, you need to talk to him. Tell him you’re concerned about being able to contribute while you are unemployed and ask him what he expects. Tell him you would like to try to save because you don’t know how long you will be unemployed, but what if he can’t afford things without your contributions?

Only he can answer those questions.

Post # 7
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

If my boyfriend made enough to be able to help you out and we were serious enough to be living together, I would definitely expect my partner to cut me some slack on finances if I lost my job, just like I would cut him slack if he was laid off (this is assuming you lost your jobs for understandable reasons and weren’t like stealing from the company or soemthing and you began actively job hunting immediately.) But you need to be paying what you can, as well as doing most (if not all) of the housework while you are job hunting. If he doesn’t make enough though, I think that’s another story. Also you should talk to your son about getting a job and paying his own rent while you are unemployed. 

Post # 8
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

Definitely talk to him about it! The two of you can come to an agreement. Honestly, I would probably have whatever agreement you come to in wiritng, just so that it is clear. “Per our agreement, since I am bringin home 1/3 of my usual paycheck, I will contribute $X instead of $X until I become employed again.”

Post # 9
Member
9225 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It doesn’t matter what anyone else would do, what matters is what your bf is comfortable with.

If he’s comfortable helping you out, great.

But if for whatever reason, he’s not at that place yet, then that’s his prerogative and is fine too.

Some people have had experiences in the past (either personal experiences or they’ve witnessed their parents/loved ones in such situations) where the generous supporter gets screwed in the end and that might cause them pause. Others don’t have those concerns. 

You just have to talk to him to figure out how he feels about it.

Post # 10
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

I think it depends on how much your boyfriend can handle financially. If you and he know that he would be able to take the financial burden at the moment, he probably should. As long as you are actively and effectively looking for a new job. But the fact that you have to pay him “soon” and you’ve obviously not discussed it says that he would like you to pay your share. How long have you guys been together? If you are living together as bf/gf I would think this would be a relatively easy conversation to have, as bad as the circumstances are.

Post # 11
Member
5720 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

The fact that you haven’t discussed it makes it sound like you might not be very serious and committed at this stage and therefore it’s more understandable that you are seperate financially. It strikes me as odd that you phrase it as the money you “pay him” rather than shared living expenses. Honestly if it was early in the relationship I personally would be less inclined to cover for the other financially if they had been fired for underperforming l, rather than say being let go because of budget cuts. 

How long have you been together and how long do you anticipate being unemployed? It sounds like you’d be looking for a slight career change, so it may take even longer to find something suitable.

Post # 12
Member
1630 posts
Bumble bee

It’d be weird if your boyfriend evicted you because you couldn’t make rent, or expected you to pay rent instead of eating, instead of giving you a temporary loan. But short of that, I wouldn’t expect a gift of money, or a loan if it wasn’t *that* tight.

Post # 13
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I find it very strange that you haven’t discussed this with him yet. That would probably be one of the FIRST things I would’ve talked with him about after losing my job!

I remember your other posts Bee and I know this bf has been described before as kind of unemotional and cold (weren’t you actually planning on moving out and breaking up?) but good with business. Are you worried he’s looking at you more as a business partner in your living situation as opposed to a SO?

Post # 14
Member
428 posts
Helper bee

andromeda99 :  based on your past posts, this is a man you have been with almost 3 years and who makes 120k a year? He doesnt seem financially generous and based on your other post actally seems rather title for tat dime for dime. That being said, yes if I was in a relationship living with someone I would expect them to cover more expenses while I looked for a job. Not just expect it like don’t talk about it, but in my mind would know that of course they would not expect me to contribute as much because I don’t have as much. Maybe I am unwise or outdated or whatever and based on pps it seems like most of them think it’s up to him. I have been with my fi for 8 years and we’ve gone through lots of challenges including job loss. It was never a question, after the first year, that whoever could do more, if we were in a tight situation, would.just because a couple isn’t married doesn’t mean they don’t have a sense of long term commitment and team work. On the other hand, I would not do anything that jeaoporidzed my long term financial future and wouldn’t expect them to either. I don’t think you and your bf are on the same page….he seems intent on calculating square footage and counting yogurt bars or watever and making sure it’s fair. Im sorry you lost your job as it seemed like you wanted to leave him and get your own place which will be hard now. Honestly I don’t k ow what state you are in or what the rental laws are but if you want this to be over youu can tell him you can give him x amount for the next two months and then just save your money and leave. In most states you are considered a resident after 30 days and he can’t just kick you to the curb because you wont pay what he is asking, especially if you have no rental written contract. Good luck bee

Post # 15
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I moved in with my now Fiance right after I graduated college, and I didn’t get a job for 3 months. He told me not to worry about paying rent or anything until I got a job. I did pay him back though, when I did get my job.

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