(Closed) I love giving gifts. SO resents it. Help?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

cautiously3optimistic:  are we with the same guy?!?! Ive done really well with gifts for my SO since we’ve been together. I put a lot of thought into it and hes never been one to give me ideas so I habe to think about it. I have a list on my phone of various date and gift ideas for him at all different costs. 

He on the other hand isn’t the type to think it out. And my bday is 12/30 right after Xmas so he’s stuck trying to figure out both. I have a pinterest board titled “stuff I want” and he has the link. Last year he got my Xmas gift from it and it was great. But my 30th bday present was a regifted thing from a work white elephant party. It was a big bday and he knew I was just anxious and it felt like he didn’t care at all. He’s talked to me about it sense and how he still feels bad for ruining it. 

he did awesome for the proposal and it blew me away bc I had no idea he was capable of planning something out like that. I feel Like he’s trying to make up for it. He’s mentioned my presents this year a few times so I’m not sure what he has planned 

Post # 17
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

I definitely second the love languages suggestion! I’m a gift giver. That’s how I express my love and how I feel the most love. My SO hates buying presents, doesn’t feel that he’s good at it and is basically the complete opposite. We have discussed this using the 5 love languages as a guide and he has since started buying me more random gifts, even for no reason and he even went out and bought the book. I have also started trying to communicate through his love language, though I’m not very good at it.

It has really helped us a lot, and especially helped him to see that even though I wasn’t verbally expressing myself as much as he was I was still trying to show him that I love him just in a different way.

Post # 18
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Perhaps try explains it in a different way by finding a patella, for instance, my Fiance is great at giving my massages, but I SUCK at giving them to him, so now massages are only one way. On the other hand, I’m really good at giving back stratches and he sucks at that, so that is one sided, but it’s perfectly ok! This “imbalance” doesn’t bother us. And besides, it’s not as if your Fiance is terrible at gifts, he just isn’t as good as you are.

Have you explained to him just how sad it would make ou feel to not be able to give gifts? How much joy it brings you when he likes your gift? Honestly, I think he needs to take two steps back and realise that he is getting upset over a non-issue. One of you is a better gift giver than the other, I bet one of you is better at cooking, cleaning, driving, singing…it’s the same thing! Hopefully he can realise this quickly and you can get back to your awesome gift giving. 

Post # 20
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

i get where ur coming from! I used to LOVE giving gifts to family and friends, cuz i always tried to be thoughtful and remember what they talk about in regards to what they like/want/need

my SO is against gift giving, but hes such a hippocrit….Hes like well im going to have to buy a gift for Mother, Brother and all of my dads side.

and im like u….were the one that side u didnt wnt to give presents at all?….and hes like yea but i know they will be getting me something [ tho he gives his mom money all the time] and i said yeah so basically shes giving u a gift with ur money?? lololllll oh jeeze.

Yeah maybe give this year a rest if he really doesnt like it..im the same way with the affection thing, and when they open it i love seeing them happy! 🙂

cautiously3optimistic:  

Post # 21
Member
2129 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

 

cautiously3optimistic:  I haven’t read other responses ( I will go back after I type mine lol). My advice is to do what makes YOU happy! If he gets offended by you expressing love and it makes you happy, he is the one with the problem! You do it out of love…you are doing nothing wrong here! He is taking out his feelings of inadequency on you…NOT COOL.

Post # 22
Member
2129 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

 

eeniebeans:  Hopefully one day you’ll find a balance, it’s okay for someone to express love towards you..you don’t always have to be the one giving 🙂

Post # 23
Member
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

cautiously3optimistic:  I think part of the pressure is that I find people who love giving gifts and pay a lot of attention to detail also want at least a tiny part of that returned. You even mentioned in an earlier post that you love when he gets you little things unexpectedly because it shows how well he knows you.

That can be a lot of pressure, because it feels like every gift giving opportunity is a chance to prove your love, devotion, attention to detail and thoughtfulness. Especially to someone who wants to give a giftcard and be done with it. You just have to understand that gift giving/receiving is not a skill everyone has, it is also not one that everyone places a lot of importance on in their lives.

I, personally, would be a little annoyed if every birthday, Christmas and Valentines day my Darling Husband was crafting me something unique and sentimental. Like, just give me some damn chocolate and a Visa giftcard! But, that’s just me— and it sounds like I am more like your Darling Husband in that regard.

Post # 24
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Look, the purpose of giving gifts is to make the other person happy, right? As much as you enjoy it, it sounds like he’d derive a lot more happiness from a low-key gift in the future.  It sounds like the present he truly wants.      

At the same time/alternatively, you can tell him it’s not just for his benefit, that you get a lot of fun and enjoyment out of planning gifts, and he shouldn’t ruin that. 

 

 

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