I love my fiance, but I'm having some trouble with his hygiene.

posted 11 months ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Am I being too insensitive or am I being reasonable?
    Being too insensitive : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Being reasonable : (106 votes)
    98 %
  • Post # 17
    445 posts
    Helper bee

    imperfectfiance :  With some speicial needs adults I work with I use checklists. Do you think he would use something like this if you put it up in the bathroom (no snark, it works really well with some of the people I work with.)

    Post # 18
    4049 posts
    Honey bee

    I practically threw up reading that. I still may.

    I’m not sure how you can stay with him, but hygiene is super-important to me. Yell at him to knock it off when he does it….like his mother should have done years ago.

    Post # 20
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    I second the possibility that it might be something psychological more than just a bad habit -and even if it was jut a bad habit, counseling might help him with mechanisms as to how to end them. 

    Post # 22
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    dear god bee. im at a total loss. my honest answer to this (if it were me) would be to be really honest with him. ask him WHY he isnt taking care of himself. let him know how it makes you feel and that its getting in the way of your relationship. hey, theres gotta be a reason he just stopped.

    Post # 23
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    No, for real, this would be a dealbreaker. If he won’t go to counselling or change, then you need to get your affairs in order to leave.

    Post # 24
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

    Has anyone else said anything to him? I have a co-worker who only brushed his teeth when he remembered and I had to refuse to work with him because his breath was so vile I couldn’t sit near him. 

    I hope you are teaching your kid about good hygiene and manners.

    Post # 25
    12121 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Why are you so dependent on him financially? Everything else aside, make it a priority to be self supporting. 

    Personally, I’d insist on counseling or else. If you have been together this long and have a child together you may very well be entitled to child support and unless you are deemed unfit for some reason most likely some form of shared custody. Don’t think you have no leverage or standing. I’d inform yourself as to your rights and consult a family lawyer. 

    Post # 26
    4910 posts
    Honey bee

    This is so gross. What the hell? What does he say when you tell him these things are gross? If my husband told me something I did grossed him out I’d stop doing it. But these are things that would gross out 99.9% of people across the world…

    Post # 28
    119 posts
    Blushing bee

    OMG my ex husband also used to scratch his balls and then smell his fingers!!  What is that about?!  Like several times a day.  It was so gross.  One more thing I do NOT miss about that man!

    Post # 30
    6602 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t think you should put shaving into the same category. I don’t think men should be able to force women to shave if they don’t want to, so I’m going to use that same theory for women not forcing men. 

    That said, the rest of this is literally basic hygene. I really don’t think getting his MOM involved is the best idea, he’s probably going to feel ganged up on and if he already doesn’t react to be treated like a child, this is only going to make it 10x worse. 

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