I love my fiance, but I'm having some trouble with his hygiene.

posted 10 months ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Am I being too insensitive or am I being reasonable?
    Being too insensitive : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Being reasonable : (106 votes)
    98 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    428 posts
    Helper bee

    Will you be happy looking back on your life when you are 50 and having stayed with this man you are not attracted to? There is a lot more to life. I always advise the young women I work with to find their way in the world without a man. Be able to support yourself, especially before having children. Unfortunately you have already had your daughter, and while I’m sure she is the light of your life, it will be more difficult to go back to school/find a new career path that requires training. 

    If you leave him, you need to ask for child support. In most states you wont be able to get food, fuel or medical assitance for your child unless the father is paying child support anyway. As it wouldn’t make sense to have the state/tax payers helping to support children when their fathers are not contributing financially. 

    Anyway, besides the point. I’d lay it out for him and tell him you would sleep with him A LOT more if he shaved his pubes and brushed his teeth. Also, maybe go buy him a 12 dollar trimmer for the pubes? As for the picking and eating scabs and boogers you need to speak up every time you see it “EW GROSS don’t do that”. Who gives a fuck if he gets upset? He’s only reacting that way because it has worked to make you feel guilty in the past and make YOU apologize for expressing something that pretty much any normal well socialized person feels. Tell him if he wants to pick his nose and eat it, or pick his scabs and eat it, to do it in the bathroom where no one can see. 

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    699 posts
    Busy bee

    Has he seen dentists? Does the dentist not reem him out for not brushing?? 

    Post # 52
    Member
    1145 posts
    Bumble bee

    imperfectfiance :  my first post on this website was about my fiancé having terrible breath. He brushed his teeth twice a day but only flossed and used mouthwash a few times a week. His breath was bad. Thanks to this site, I talked to him about it and he saw a dentist who performed a really serious gym cleaning on him. He had some sort of gum disease probably from smoking in med school. 

    I cant imaging how bad your situation is. I thought mine was bad because my fiance did not floss daily. You have it 1,000 times worse. 

    What does your fiancé say when you bring up brushing his teeth? I’d turn my cheek if he tried to kiss my mouth and tell him that I’d love to kiss him on the mouth after he brushes his teeth. How do his coworkers handle his INCREDIBLY poor hygiene?

    Post # 53
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

    imperfectfiance :  Sometimes a person NEEDS to have their feelings hurt in order to understand. It’s called “Tough Love”, you might have to put aside his feeling and consider yours for a moment.

    Post # 55
    Member
    4910 posts
    Honey bee

    imperfectfiance :  OK but you had PPD. That’s a big deal. I’ve skipped showers too. The fact he has the audacity to complain when YOU skip a shower when his hygiene is so atricious would really make me upset and question the relationship. 

    He could have mental illness but you will never know if he refuses help. Its up to you how much you can tolerate but something has to change. He needs help. 

    I would stop apologizing when he gets hurt by reasonable requests if I were you. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    2298 posts
    Buzzing bee

    imperfectfiance :  well everyone here has given sound advice but you’ve given a rebuttal to each and every piece of it. what are you looking for? 

    Post # 59
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    imperfectfiance :  Seriously, white lies are lies. If you can’t trust this guy, you can’t have a relationship with him. It’s never just white lies. And if you’ve discussed this before and made your needs clear and he hasn’t done anything…well there’s something not right there. It could be intentional or otherwise, but it is NOT up to you to wait it out or deal. Get out and move on with your life. You could be so much happier on your own. He can still be a good dad to your daughter and you can be happier, too.

    Post # 60
    Member
    4035 posts
    Honey bee

    All your updates make it clear to me that this is not a mental issue or depression, which some people like to offer up as an excuse for any kind of aberrant behavior. 

    If his little tiny feelings get hurt because you tell him you’re turned off by his repulsive habits, that’s too damn bad. We are way too concerned with feelings in this day and age. No one ever died because of hurt feelings. 

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