(Closed) I LOVE my fiancee, honestly I do, but…..

posted 9 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Be frustrated and make the best of it, or just be glad?
    WOW! How do you handle it, that is so crazy? : (7 votes)
    5 %
    Could be worse, just plan....plan.... plan : (27 votes)
    21 %
    Be glad that he is wonderful in all other aspects, it will all work out, it always does. : (97 votes)
    74 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @ttn133: Thank you. I thought this site is for brides helping other brides and the comment wasn’t anyway helpful. I can see that the poll is confusing but I did not see the point in saying the last part. It did not aide in helping her.
    Mtalley1974: I hope you are seeing you are not alone. I truly believe and know that if my Fiance was involved he would try to fight me on almost everything for fun ha! I love him so much but sure couldn’t deal with that. I like eloping suggestion for showing him options to get his opinion. It’ll come in handy when you are unsure about something and then if all else fails you have all the bees to help out!

    Post # 18
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I wanted my husband to be more involved in planning too, but at the end of the day it’s only special to do together if you are BOTH into it.  So my philosophy was if he wants to do it then great, if he doesn’t then whatever.  I never even thought about dragging him to do the registry LOL, it honestly never even occurred to me!  and when i saw other couples there together i thought “should I have brought him??” ha!  but he didn’t care what i picked, and i had a blast picking all the pretty things I wanted, so it was all good.  he planned the music all by himself, and helped pick the menu, the two things he cared about and that was really fun to do together because we were both into it!  so i say just do a little tweaking on your outlook on this whole situation – just know that he’s into what he’s into, you’re into what you’re into, and those things are not always going to be the same and that’s ok.  it’s how it is in life, why would it be any different with wedding planning. ๐Ÿ™‚   

    Post # 19
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @deliciousappleblue: i was confused by the poll too, for the same reasons as you!  you’re not alone ๐Ÿ™‚  

    Post # 20
    Member
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I planned the whole thing myself while he was away. Honestly i thought it was a pretty stress-free adventure. In my head i wanted him to be involved–like he’s “supposed” to be. But at the end of the day, he could’ve cared less about all the details so it was for the best. He helped out with food/drink and music and tuxes…

    I agree with a PP that making him do it won’t really help, though. It’ll just make him a crabby pants to hang out with.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3048 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    You should talk to him and say that you would like him to be a little more involved. Do it in a fun way though. It’s not just your wedding, it’s his as well, so there’s a good reason for him to have a say in it.

    I had to virtually rip names out of my fiance’s mouth to put them on the guest list. I finally just made a list of names I thought he wanted, then sat down with him and asked him what he thought. From there he added names and took names away. I thought it was a great way to get him to contribute ๐Ÿ™‚

    You could do the same with other planning details. Get a few pictures of designs or something, and ask him which ones he likes or doesn’t like. Of course it will be YOU planning the designs, but at least he will give his opinion along with it.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2829 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Yep same boat here, I’ll ask a few questions, and get the saaaaaaaame answer “mmmmhmmmmmmn” which really means “I’m not listening to what you are saying right now because I am thinking about something more important, like cheese.”

    I think it helps to limit what you’re asking at specific times, like you said you got him to help with the guest list and registry that’s great! make sure you thank him for helping you out & he’ll feel more like his input is not only appreciated, but necessary and helpful.

    I know it might be hard, but instead of asking him for his opinion on a million things every day or the like, focus on things that he’ll actually care about like food and music for starters, but be sure to spread out these ‘tasks’ so he doesn’t get frustrated or sick of planning ๐Ÿ˜›

    Post # 23
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    your lucky he doesnt come up with crazy ideas and have terrible taste!! I know the frustration sometimes my fiance is too involved and sometimes I have to drag him by his ear to go do something. Also sometimes I feel like him and my mom are running around doing things without me!!

    I guess just tell him how you feel that you want him to be more involved at times and you need his help I’m sure he will understand. But also imagine if you had a fiance who had terrible taste and picked out cakes that look terrible!!! there is always an upside!

    Post # 24
    Member
    5104 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

     I feel ya’ on this one. Fiance says that as long as we’re together and married he doesn’t care how we do it. He says: “I just want to be with you”

    Which makes me feel good, and in the end that IS what matters most. But at the same time I’m like you, I feel a little bit down from time to time that he’s not real interested in anything that’s being planned.I dont think I’d like it if he was super pushy and wanted this, hated that, either though… So would it be too much to ask for a happy medium?? haha!

    Post # 25
    Member
    3871 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Ok, @Amaryllis:‘s (and along with some other members) answer was constructive, she gave a reason why she was confused with the poll. While @deliciousappleblue: first post was not really clear on why she didn’t understand ‘why this was a poll,’  That is why it came across as rude.

    To the OP, sorry to threadjack.

    Post # 26
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @kate9854: Look, I don’t want to push this, but I don’t really appreciate whatever it is you’re trying to do. 

    A direct quote from the OP: “Does anyone else have this issue?”  My answer was, “My fiance is very involved in our wedding planning”.  Why is that rude?  She asked a question, and I answered it.  Sure, the answer was “no”, but sometimes that’s what answers are.  There’s nothing rude about that.  She didn’t ask me to be helpful, she asked if I was in the same boat.  I’m not.  Should I apologize for that fact?  I’d appreciate it if you’d stop it with the passive-aggressive comments and just get back on topic with the thread.

    @ttn133: Again?  I can’t say “I don’t understand” without twelve paragraphs of padding it with “I don’t mean to offend” and various other clarifications?  It’s pretty obvious why it’s confusing, since I’m not the only one who thought so, and I didn’t say anything mean or snarky to the OP, which is well within the rules.  I also removed the so-called “offensive” post to avoid letting this turn into a situation that could get all of us in trouble.  Let it go.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Just curious..have you tried telling him that it bothers him when he behaves like that and that you’d like him to try to take an interest in wedding planning? I always think that you should try and explain to someone (especially your fiance/husband/bf) what is bothering you so they can understand you better. I always try to think that maybe he doesn’t realize his behavior is bugging you, and won’t know unless you tell him directly.

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    371 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Fiance wasn’t very into planning at first until I pointed out that he is the reason we are having the wedding. I told him if it wasn’t important enough for him to help plan, it wasn’t going to happen. Needless to say, he’s been helping out quite a bit. I kind of wish he’d say, “forget it, let’s go to the JoP” though.

    Post # 29
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Do you ask you Fiance for his input? If yes, what does he say? I’m kind of in the same situation, I’m a planner, Fiance is not. I mean lets face it, he doesn’t want to plan every small detail, he could really care less about any of the DIY stuff.  So how I got him involved was by limiting down the options of what I liked, and then show him your top choices  until there is one he really likes.  Its worked so far, with venue, caterer, photographer, food tastings, florist and invitations.  I make appointments for days when we both have off, and we go together. We discuss what we like and don’t like and make the final decision together. Also, I give him jobs that he is responsible for. Like I’m not choosing his tux, or coordinating the tuxes for any of the groomsmen. He is also in charge of the music.

    Post # 30
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I know exactly how you feel.  I don’t have anyone helping me and some of the plans are so overwhelming.  I guess we all just need to hang in there together.  Thanks for posting though, at least I know I’m not the only one that feels this way.

    Post # 31
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @Mtalley1974: hey are you coming back to respond to anyone’s suggestions or advice?  it’s always odd to never see another comment again from the OP.

    The topic ‘I LOVE my fiancee, honestly I do, but…..’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors