Post # 1
His mom has not returned her RSVP to our wedding yet, and everytime she is asked by him its a different story as to why she hasen’t. She’s just got too much going on, She doesnt know if her husband is coming or not (totally different story), just a bunch of lame excuses… He told her to put it in the box on Monday, but it would’ve come by Wednesday.. no dice.
His grandma who lives 2 blocks from the reception and chapel, just returned hers yesterday… declined, didnt put a note or a card or anything, just name and a big fat X in the decline circle… i didn’t even put it in the stack of invitations yet, i kept it in my purse because i didnt want his feelings hurt.
his father has not returned his either, but chances are isnt coming
and his aunt (moms sister) who he has not seen with since he was 6 returned hers right away.
they’re due 10/10… I guess we have a month, but I just hate for him to deal with this stupid drama during a time thats supposed to be celebratory for him. He sees the ones coming in from 10 states away from my extended family, with yes yes yes.. and his own family who lives literally within a 20 mile radius cant send theirs back promptly. 🙁
Post # 3
I’m sorry for your Fiance and for you having to watch his feelings get hurt. I know that has to be hard. Some people just don’t send RSVP’s back right away, unfortunately. I would, however, be crushed if my grandmother lived two blocks away and wasn’t coming. You have no idea why? But, there is still time and you’ll start getting more RSVP’s. Hopefully your FI’s mother and fathers will be included in that. Maybe you can try to change his grandmother’s mind, if it is that important to him?
Post # 4
it always seems to happen this way! Don’t start stressing until after the deadline passes. People will send theirs in at the last minute – even after the deadline! I wish you the best!
Post # 5
I can completely relate. I love my FH dearly! (obviously) but his family is driving me mad! His parents have done nothing but give us grief about the wedding and I’m just trying to laugh it off/let it slide off my shoulders! Although I can handle it for the most part I feel so bad for him. He so DOES NOT deserve to be treated like crap! My Maid/Matron of Honor said to me that one of the great things about our marriage (other than marring me of course) is that he will now have a family who loves him, accepts him, respects him and generally cares about him.
I don’t know about you guys, but I sometimes worry about what the future has to hold in that area. I don’t want to have a strained relationship with his family. Family is very important to us but it’s hard to make it number one when their being such a pain!
Hang in there!
Post # 6
Yes, don’t start anticipating the worst until it happens. No sense stressing yourself over this.
However, I am surprised that his family doesn’t seem too inclined to come…Tension?
Post # 7
I’m sorry that both of you are having to deal with this. Coming from the side that my family is the difficult ones – it’s so amazing that his family supports and are so involved and interested in our wedding and marriage. It’s so nice to be able to focus on the postive (his family) instead of the negative (my family).
It’s so great that you’re being so supportive of him during this hard time (that should be happy).
Post # 8
She said its just too “late”…. the wedding is at 5:00 and the reception is 6:30 – 11:30… she has called him at 8-9pm some nights to say hello when shes at home, so I dont know.
If anything I hope I can just convince her to show up to the ceremony.
Weddings are HUGE in my family, HUGE. The idea of getting married is a big milestone that is celebrated to the 9’s and everyone gets together. His family, weddings arent a big deal, they just don’t see why sharing your life with someone needs to be celebrated at all. But before we even planned, he told me he wanted the big wedding, he has watched his parents go in and out of marriages and weddings like dating, and he knew he was only going to do it once. He wanted the big celebration and the party with friends and family, and we’ve planned every single step together all along the way(except my dress, of course). It just sucks that they can’t get over their own opinions for 2 minutes to be happy for him and send their darn card back already.
I’ve heard him, he doesnt show his emotions often, but hes pissed off and frustrated. He’s made comments to her: “i even put a freakin stamp on it, you just have to check the boxes you want and put it in the box” “if you dont send it by the 10th, I just wont leave a seat for you” “why cant you just mail it” “I want it in the letterbox by monday!”….. it breaks my heart for him to have to say these things to his own mom… and evenmoreso watch it hurt him when he gets no reaction or a careless reaction.
Hes such a sweet guy, and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I just wish there was more I could do.
Post # 9
The only person to RSVP from DH’s side were his dad and aunt and uncle. His mom, brother, other uncle and grandmother didn’t RSVP. I guess they assume they think you know they are coming or not and are excluded from having to follow etiquette?
The only people that RSVP’d on my side were my grandmother, grandfather and his wife, an aunt and my step moms mom.
I don’t know what is up with family and RSVP’s. It sucks they aren’t coming, though.
Post # 10
@JenuineMulder: Man you hit that on the head.. The other day he was watching a movie and checked to see the year it was made.. it happened to be his birth year… and he said “oh that was a great year”
and I jokinly replied, “1985 (the year i was born) was glorious as well”
and he replied “but 2011 will be the best”
I looked at him perplexed
“you know, the year my son is born”
we havent planned anything about children, and Im not pregnant, but it just makes me smile to know hes looking forward to moving forward with his own family asap.
Post # 11
yeah maybe they just want us to assume they are coming because of who they are. But, they also know both of us are organizational freaks.. and we mostly want them back to organize what food choice they want.
I guess we can just assume yes, and then eenie meenie miney mo the choices? SURPRISE!! haha 🙂
Post # 12
With my family, the unspoken is how it goes. Like they don’t return the rsvp that means they’re not coming but the don’t have the balls to tell you. So now that’s we’re 3 days away from the rsvp date and the only person on my side that’s rsvp-ed is my step brother. But if I call they’ll just be like of course we’re coming, blah blah blah but then not show up that day.
Maybe it would be best to plan for them not to come, and then if they do show up say we’re sorry we didn’t think you were coming as you didn’t tell us your decision?
So sorry y’all are going through this!
Post # 13
Thats how it goes with my family as well, If you don’t respond anything, we just assume no.
As of right now, I’m preparing myself and a few people I can confide in for “no” so he has a strong support system that loves him if they don’t show up.
Poor sweet man just doesnt deserve this and i hate to see him frustrated because of a trivial situation that shouldn’t be occuring to begin with.
Post # 14
Since I have BTDT, your guests have until 10/10 to send in their responses, which is over 3 weeks away. I know you want to be organized and all that jazz but you cannot control the situation anymore than setting the RSVP deadline.
Breathe, and let this go until then. There are bigger fish to fry so stop stressing about something you cannot control.
If 10/10, 10/11, 10/12 rolls around and they still haven’t, then pester the living crap out of them. If they say they are coming but don’t give you their meal preference, then assign them whatever. They had the opportunity to choose and they passed on it. Give them whatever meal they like least.
Post # 15
I’m not stressed about it…. I even mentioned its a month away…..I just don’t like seeing my future husband’s feelings hurt. Hes a sweet guy and it sucks to see him dissapointed, frustrated, and hurt over a dumb, petty, and lame situation…
if they dont come, they dont come. Besides, I’m pretty sure we’ve already gotten our answer.
But don’t you want the people your husband/future husband loves, to a) love them back and b) support him… which neither he’s getting the vibes from and it hurts me to watch him have to deal with it in a time when he should be super excited.
Post # 16
My Darling Husband always refers to my family as “the Nice Family.” My family loves him. They support us. They leave FB messages, they gush about his successes. They curse his defeats. They are all around wonderfully supportive of both of us. HIS family, on the other hand, SUCKS. I wish there was another way to say it, but they never write letters, not even FB messages. When our Dirty Delete was born, I had received many cards, gifts, and congrats from even distant relatives. His own mother still hasn’t even mentioned wanting to SEE the baby. It’s depressing for him, but he also gets really pissed about it. He wishes that they were more like my family. I feel bad for him, but my family always makes his day. Trust me, not RSVPing to your wedding will not be the last time his family disappoints him. He’ll continually need your support in dealing with these people!