I Love my husband but want to live on my own!!

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way :(, I haven’t been married even one year yet, so I can’t really relate to what you might be going through. However, my parents have been married 35 years, and have in my eyes a fantastic relationship, of course they have had their ups and downs in this time, but they have built a beautiful, happy life together! 

We are all out of the home now as well, and my parents do have their own hobbies, but they still go out together often, and spend time together a lot. They do have a big house with two different TV rooms, as well as two master bedrooms, so that might help as they can definitly get their own space when needed. Is it possible to stretch your budget for a larger house with more space so you can have your own room, or even a guest house?

Post # 3
484 posts
Helper bee

Maybe it would help if you tried to break down what it is you think you’d like about your own place.  Do you want to stop cooking and laundry?  Go ahead and stop!  He can do some cooking and laundry!  You mentioned decorating…could you claim a room in the house as YOURS and decorate that room and close the door when you need time alone?  Lots of people have dens (or basements or workshops or sewing rooms) where they hide out and do their own thing.  Do you need time alone?  Maybe you can achieve some of that by taking vacations by yourself or with friends now and then.  Maybe you can suggest your husband spend time on hobbies (does he golf?) that would give you some time to yourself at home.

Post # 4
238 posts
Helper bee

I have a friend who’s mother in law has a she-shed building in her backyard complete with a bathroom! She decorated it and it is beautiful!! She is married but like you wants her own space. She really enjoys it. Maybe this is something that you could consider doing. Good luck!

Post # 5
6860 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Theres a bee on here (twilightrarity maybe??) that lives separate from her husband. Since money is an issue, is there any way you could have your own room? Or basement like an in-law suite? I think having your own space to relax and unwind is important! 

Post # 7
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Feeling that upset about your situation does not seem particularly sustainable, at least not with any quality of life for you. If you are unwilling to broach the subject with your husband, I’d recommend going to a therapist. You don’t have to tell your husband what it is for and it’s possible that a professional could help you pinpoint what is bothering you and if there any other ways to meet your needs aside from getting your own place. 

Post # 8
2926 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

blessedbee :  second this,  she-shed!

waltybear :  or if a she-shed is not possible, is there one room in your house that you can convert to a special room just for yourself? 

Post # 9
3427 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Is there any way you could put a tiny home/shed in your backyard? Or even wall off an area of your home and put a bed, small couch, and kitchenette? My parents sleep in separate rooms, and in fact a friend of mine sleeps in a separate part of their house from her husband. I think the desire for your own space is more common than you think. If you live in an area where you could afford a house with a basement or garage, you can totally build a little apartment for yourself and decorate however you’d like.

Post # 11
4232 posts
Honey bee

Is there any way your husband could be persuaded to leave on a trip regularly so that you can be alone in your house? Could you buy a bigger house and have his and her master bedrooms? I have the his and hers masters so that does make you feel like you have your own space. 

I know how you’re feeling, I’m a bit younger but I certainly have felt that way at times when I have to pick up the detritus my husband leaves in his wake. Now that he’s retired there’s more of it and there’s more of him. My father told me that s lot of couples begin to have problems when the man retires and spends more time around the house. I was young at the time and that sounded ridiculous to me, but as usual my father was right. We have two houses and every couple of months he stays at one to do projects or fish/canoe and I stay at the other house for a couple weeks. That bit of time apart makes all the difference.

Post # 12
2297 posts
Buzzing bee

waltybear :  I agree with izzabella…do you feel like you want to live on your own because your husband is too needy in some way? does he expect you to do things for him that you wouldn’t have to do if you lived on your own (laundry, cooking, cleaning up after someone else, having to spend time with someone when you’d rather be alone because you know they’d be hurt if you didn’t)? 

i think once you get to the bottom of those things, perhaps you can explore setting up some sort of arrangement that allows for healthy compromise: still living with your husband, but being able to gain the independence/alone time you crave

Post # 13
8171 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You need your own space for sure. We are currently doing a renovation that will give me my own study and I CAN’T WAIT until it’s done. My family already knows that anything I find in that room becomes mine and I will absolutely throw out their shit if it crosses the threshold. It won’t be big, it won’t be fancy, but it will be mine. I loved living alone and some days I miss it too (actually today I’m home alone and it is glorious! Glorious I say!) so take the time and space you need. 

Post # 14
1558 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

It literally sounds like you just want to date your husband. As a single woman. 

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