I Love my husband but want to live on my own!!

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Something’s obviously wrong if you feel like your’e trapped in your own home. You have lots of options, stop making excuses and figure something out. I would never allow myself to feel that way for so long. If you want the situation to change, then take the steps to change it.

Post # 32
Hostess
8723 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

waltybear :  if it is causing you to have thoughts of self harm you need a therapist.

Post # 33
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

But what has he done that you can no longer bear to live with him and are desperate to move?

Post # 34
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I hope you won’t take this the wrong way, or think that I’m ‘blaming hormones’ but have you been through the menopause yet? 

I ask because that can have huge impacts on your mental as well as physical health. Please speak to your doctor about how you’re feeling, particularly the self harm thoughts 

Post # 35
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Hi bee! I can relate to some of what you’re saying although perhaps not that extreme. What helps for me (and what might soothe you in the interim while you take steps to figure out a more permanent plan) is to go away on your own for a weekend every month? I find that a day or two at a hotel (doesn’t even have to be that fancy! Or it can be a motel or a cabin ir airbnb or a lakehouse pr whatever is close to you!) is hugely helpful to reset my personal space bubble. I don’t go every month but for you it might be helpful to have something to look forward to, enjoy your space and fwel ready to share your space and energy again until the next break. All the best, hope you can figure something out

Post # 36
Member
582 posts
Busy bee

actually dont live live with my husband half the week (for work, not because I want to be away) and it does have benefits. I’ve done it for years, so I know it can be sustainable. If it’s something you want you can set a goal and work towards it. But it sounds like it would be financially hard for you (is it alone you want to be or just not with him—-could you sublet a room with a roommate elsewhere?) so it would be good to dig in and think hard about ways you could get some of the feeling you need in the meantime until you can afford a place on the side (can you downgrade your current house? Would he be willing?) is there a rooom you can set aside just for you he won’t come in?

Post # 37
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee

kayaa :  He hasn’t “done” anything. Some people just value their own space completely – I am one of them. This is not as unusual as you would think.

Post # 38
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee

Twizbe :  This is actually a valid thought. I know when I went through it, I had somewhat of a personality change – like I was aggravated ALL of the time, especially with other people. There were other factors involved, but in retrospect menopause exacerbated things. This has passed, and I’m in a great place now.

Post # 39
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Re: your update. You need to seek therapy/counseling with a therapist or medical professional immediately. I cannot imagine a scenario where simply living with one’s (good) husband leads to thoughts of self harm. There is something much bigger going on here 

Post # 40
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

Definitely start personal counseling this week.

If your current house doesn’t have enough space, can’t you find a comparable house that has some sort of bonus room?

Post # 41
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

waltybear :  Agree with all the others that something bigger must be going on, and speaking to a professional would be extremely helpful and needed. On the other hand, you keep on saying you can’t afford it (the seperate space) Since you are in your 60’s I am assuming you are retired, so one solution to your problem would be to gain employment. This could sovle two problems… in the interim, you would be out of the house working while you are saving, and once you’ve saved up, you could invest into a bigger house, or any of the other options mentioned.

Post # 42
Member
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Do you have any spare bedrooms like a guest room?

Post # 43
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

You may have already mentioned this, but have you EVER lived completely on your own? If it’s an experience you’ve never had, it’s easier to fixate on. Still, any thoughts of self-harm are not a proportionate response and I’d second PPs regarding therapy or talking to a doctor about this sudden obsession.

Post # 45
Member
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Agree with PP that if this is something you want, you need to take steps to make it happen. If that means getting a job (or a second job if you’re currently working) then you need to do that. Lamenting the fact that you don’t have your own space is an ineffective step towards getting your own space. You have to come up with things you can actually do to make this happen. If you two could downsize and maybe rent a two family townhouse, that could be a potential solution. But again, if the thing holding you back is money, then at least one of the solutions is to work towards getting more money.

I also think you definitely need to speak to a professional about your feelings if you’re considering self harm.

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