- 6 years ago
This is gonna be a long one bees.
My relationship is perfect. I’m sure you’re all sick of me talking about how much I love my guy and how wonderful he is. But last night we had our first big fight. We’ve been together 8 months and we rarely argue, and even then it’s never bad and we always apologize and kiss and make up. This time it’s different though and I know it’s my fault. Let me try to explain:
We met online and talked for a couple of weeks until I moved up to his city to start law school, which I started the fall after I graduated college (this is important). Then we met in person and I’ve never believed in love at first sight, but after that day I started to believe. He’s 24, I’m 23. The next week was just crazy. We said I love you, he started staying over every night and before I knew it we were living together and absolutely crazy in love. I had never been so happy, so about a month later, I started asking him to move in for good, as in give his roommates notice. A month after that conversation, he accepted and gave his roommates 3 months notice (they were looking to sell the house anyway so they were actually glad about it). The roommates found a buyer and a January move out time was scheduled.
But in December I started to get cold feet. I knew I was going to marry this man, but started to feel like I would miss that time living on my own. Before college I lived with my parents, during college I lived with roommates, then I immediately went to school and one week later met my guy. I did NOT want to date other people or be single or go out partying or anything like that. That’s not who I am and I love love LOVED my guy (still do). I just wanted to know what it’s like to live alone and rely wholly on yourself. I thought that was important. So I did something unfair. I asked him if there was any way he could put off moving in (by this time we’d already been living together the whole relationship).
He went nuts. He told me that I wanted to “move backwards” in our relationship and what I really wanted was a breakup and to be single. I told him over and over that wasn’t the case but he got so incredibly upset and was sure that me kicking him out was a sign that I wanted to leave. I understood why he would think that…I mean, wouldn’t you? But I tried to explain we had our whole lives to be married and live together, but I only had a little while to learn to be self reliant. But nothing I said could make it better. So I told him to forget about it. He told his roommates he’d continue paying rent until March, when they turned the house over to the new buyer, but he continued to live with me. I was so scared of another fight I never asked him to leave.
I brought it up two more times and each time he told me I must want to break up, so I always dropped the subject. Now it’s the weekend before we were going to move his stuff out and I knew it was now or never. I brought it up again. I’ve never seen him so mad and upset. He told me I didn’t know what love was and I wanted to control him and thought he’d do whatever I wanted just on a whim. I begged him to understand and told him he could stay as long as he wanted and I’d help him find a place but he kept talking about what a commitment it was to leave his place and move in with me and how I was backing out of mine. That’s fair. I know that’s true and it was horrible of me to do. I was just so caught up in new love I wasn’t thinking. I told him I loved him and asked if he still love me. And then he said what’s making me write this post.
“I love you but…”
I honestly don’t even remember what the “but” was. I instantly flashed back to something my favorite professor said to my class about love. “If someone says “I love you but” run. Drive away. Leave skid marks. There should NEVER be a “but” in I love you.”
I did a terrible thing. But I love him unconditionally. There are no “buts” and I always want to work things out. I’m not sure he feels the same.
This morning he took some clothes with him to work. He’s going to stay at his parents’ house. I asked him this morning if he could come over and we could talk more about it and he said no.
I don’t know what to do. I did a terrible, stupid thing by asking him to move in before I thought about what the consequences, but his “I love you but” just sent chills up my spine. Bees, what say you? And feel free to crucify me for putting him in this situation because I know I deserve it.