(Closed) I made a mistake…please help!

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 63
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Checking in to see how you were doing?

Post # 64
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Now I’m checking in… I’m curious. How are you doing @lifeiscomplicated  ?

Post # 65
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
Post # 66
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like you need to end the marriage. Things won’t get better, you’re miserable (sounds like he is too), and he seems very likely of escalating to physical violence. He’s already grabbing your arm, which is a HUGE warning sign.

I would speak with a divorce lawyer, move to a safe place (or stay with family or a close friend), and then let him know. If you hadn’t had sex, I’d say don’t tell him at all, but he needs an STD test. 

I know this must be such a difficult time for you, and I know it must be terrible to go through. Right now you need to keep yourself safe and get out, and then go from there. You also need to take a pregnancy test, and assess that situation, but that’s another store altogether. 

No matter what you do with your husband, things won’t improve. Get out while you safely can, and start over.

Post # 67
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@mrs_capr:  Agreed!

Post # 69
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

I hope everything turned out for the best.

 

Post # 70
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t know if you’re still around but…I think you should leave him. It doesn’t sound like a good relationship at all and I think it needs to end and you need to forgive yourself for cheating.

Post # 71
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

First, your husband should never put his hands on you in anger. Though he did not “hit” you, he still showed phyiscal aggression toward you. 

I feel like you have always had feelings for your friend, which is normal considering you’ve been friends for so long. I’m thinking what may have happened is after your husband showed aggression toward you, you acted out (probably subconsciously) by giving in to your feelings for your friend.

What you did was not the right thing to do, which you obviously know. First, you need to realize that EVERYONE makes mistakes. Your husband made one when he grabbed you, and you made one by sleeping with your friend. 

I understand your hesitation to tell your husband. I can imagine that you are scared to tell him (given his temper). This, to me, is unacceptable in a marriage. You should never feel afraid of your husband. He should be the one to make you feel safe, no matter what. That being said, you should be able to trust one another too.

My recommendation is that you take a step back and ask yourself why this happened. Was it just an accident that occured after a night of drinking? Was it a subconscious revenge against your husband? Was it an attempt to end the marriage? This is a question only you can answer.

You have to be honest with yourself before you can truly be honest with your husband. When you do tell him, the first question he will ask is, “Why?” You have to be able to honestly answer that. First, figure out why you did what you did, then tell him. Its only fair that he know the whole truth. 

I wish you the best of luck in this. Be true to yourself. If being married to your husband is not what you want, then don’t be. You deserve to be happy, as do your husband and friend.

Post # 72
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

 

View original reply
@mrsstreetman:

This is a really old post, just wanted to make sure you guys realize that…but wow, I must have missed it the first time around, and I’m a bit appalled that so many bees bashed the OP and said of course she should tell him without any concern or consideration over the fact that he has a temper and has grabbed her hard when angry over small things…I hope that if she did tell him he didn’t lash out and hurt her. Any update, OP?

Post # 73
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@Wonderstruck:  I didn’t realize it was such an old post! I was also really surprised by everyone’s obvious anger towards her, without any regard for the husband’s obvious anger issues. 

The fact that this is such an old post makes me worry even more.

Post # 74
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@mrsstreetman:  Yeah, me too. I hope she’s okay and that she either did seek a divorce (safely) or that her and herhusband got some help to work through their problems. =/

The topic ‘I made a mistake…please help!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors