(Closed) I made a mistake…will she take me back?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think it really depends on your girlfriend.  You seem to understand how you screwed up, and that’s a really good first step.  I would go ahead and give her the space she’s requested right now, but make sure you’re clear that you would definitely like to speak with her when she’s had time to think.  Tell her you are so, so, so sorry.  It will take work for her to rebuild her trust in you, so you’ll need to prove to her that you’re willing to do that work.

Just make sure she knows everything you said here.  It sounds like you made a mistake when you let the girl kiss you, but you took steps immediately to remedy the situation.  You probably should have told your girlfriend what happened, but it’s understandable why you didn’t.

I wish you the very best.  Please do keep us updated on what happens.

Post # 4
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it’s forgivable.  A drunk girl came on to you and you pushed her away?  How is that your fault?

What I find much less forgivable is her hacking into your fb account.  I wouldn’t stand for that shit.

Post # 5
Member
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

“My gf was convinced to go on my facebook account, her roommate knew some way to hack onto it.”

What led her to distrust you and feel like she needed to go behind your back to snoop in the first place? Is there some sort of history that would make her distrustful to begin with before this whole situation happened?

I’m not ignoring the mistake you made or anything, but that really stood out to me. If things are all sunshine and daisies why did she feel the need to do that? Even with the friend egging her on, something in her made her decide to look.

Post # 6
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You sound remorseful and yes it is a forgiveable act. You have mentioned everything a woman wants to hear to let her know why you are truly sorry. If she will not talk to you send her a letter and explain it the way you explained it here. You went into details which means you have given it a lot of though. We are not complicated we just want honesty yes you were wrong for putting yourself in that situation for it to be a possiblity but you did pull away and remember your gf. You tried to do a good thing and of course it went the other way “no good dead goes unpunished” remember that some women are slick and will always go through the back door when they see a man that is happy. Give her some time it sounds like you two are perfect for each other and she will come around in time..dont crowd her give her time. Send her this letter and ask when she is ready to talk you will be ready to listen.

BIG HUG TO YOU!!!! I know you are scared right now because you might lose her.

Post # 7
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

That’s a tough one because it totally depends on your girlfriend. She’s probably thinking: “If he can slip up like this after only a year when things are going amazing, how can I trust him years down the road when things inevitably get harder?” 

You should give it some time and then do everything you can to SHOW her how much she means to you. Don’t just say it. Maybe a gesture like quitting drinking for a month or two? 

Post # 8
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

At face value (knowing nothing about either of you, or your relationship) I’d say that this is a forgiveable indiscretion. Keep pleading your case, and make her understand that you pulled away, and then removed yourself from the situation. I think she’ll come around. Has she been cheated on before in a past relationship? If she has this might have a different outcome – once burned, twice shy.

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@littlemisst08:  This. 

Why was your gf snooping? Also if what you say happened is what happened, then you did nothing wrong. 

Some drunk chick came onto you, you pushed her away and mentioned how much you care for your gf.

First, I don’t actually believe your story, it just doesn’t add up.

Second, you gf wouldn’t have had a reason to snoop if there wasn’t prior trust issues in your relationship. 

Thirdly, Even what you claim was written in your fb message correspondence wouldn’t justify your gf’s reaction, unless your story is inaccurate. A girl doesn’t see a message conversation started by a female apologizing for her behaviour and you responding not to worry about it and then dump the guy involved in the conversation. There was clearly other things that you left out.

Post # 11
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am loving that you being guy came to weddingbee for advice, we will never steer you wrong.


Hugs to you for being honest, things will work out

Post # 13
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Jstix1211:  I personally think that the only thing that doesn’t add up in your story is why your gf was convinced to go on to your FB account to begin with.  I’m guessing frmo your story that someone told her what happened and her friend convinced her to check your FB.  I don’t even know of how she could have hacked into it, honestly, I’ve never heard of such a thing.  Regardless, I don’t agree with the women who say snooping is unforgivable or unacceptable.  I guess I have a completely open relationship with my Fiance, we know each other’s PWs and we don’t care if the other person feels the need to go through the messages or whatever. 

The problem is that she probably would have forgiven you if you told her right away.  But, you kept it from her, which makes your story unbelievable.  If you really were so innocent in all of this, why didn’t you call her right away to tell her? 

Also, what exactly did she hear from the 3rd party?  Was it that the girl came on to you, kissed you, you pushed her away and left for your room? Or, was it something else which is why she’s not buying your story?

I don’t know your gf so I don’t know what she will do.  Hopefully, if you give her her space and you express how sorry you are and how something like this will never, ever happen again, she will accept your apology and take you back. 

That being said, lying to her (by keeping it from her) wasn’t the only thing you did wrong.  I know “alcohol was involved,” but to me that’s no excuse unless you tell me you’re going to abstain from alcohol for the rest of your life.  I drink and have been in social settings where other people are drunk and have never led a man to think that he could kiss me.  I know you were “being nice,” but I think that when you have someone who you are serious about, the nicest thing you can do is not come even close to leading anyone on.  You shouldn’t be nice to other girls, you shouldn’t be making new female friends – it’s just too easy to cheat.  I’m not saying to not go out, I’m just saying, there’s really no reason to have an in-depth conversation with another new female.  That’s just my opinion.

Between you making a “new friend”/leading this girl to believe she could kiss you and you keeping it from your girlfriend, it just makes you out to look much guiltier than you probably are.

How about you talk to her, apologize by recognizing what you did was wrong and explain to her how this won’t happen again – eg, you won’t talk to any new females, if anyone ever hits on you or comes on to you again, she’ll be the first to know, etc.  I tell my Fiance every time a guy hits on me, even some random on the subway – I just can’t imagine keeping something from him and he definitely apperciates it and makes him trust me – if I tell him some Joe Shmoe is hitting on me, I’ll be sure to tell him if he kissed me, too, right? 

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Jstix1211: We all know you are serious because you came to the WB’s for advice…Just be patient…

BIG HUG!!!! 

Post # 15
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jstix1211:  I don’t think you did anything wrong at all, and I’m sorry this is happening. If you really want her back, I hope she takes you back, for your sake, but she sounds very unreasonable. Her reaction tells me that you were right in not telling her right away before – she doesn’t seem to be a very rational person and I can see how you’d be concerned about how to tell her about this. 

I have no patience for people who don’t wait to hear a full story before reacting (and I’d have even less patience if she still wanted this break up after hearing the full story). You pulled away from this girl who kissed you and that’s enough. 

Again, I hope this works out for you. You have my sympathy. 

Post # 16
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

well… i think it forgivable, i mean… the girl kissed YOU, not the other way around, and you pushed her away.

Of course she has the right to be mad since you didnt tell her, give her some space, and when she’s ready to talk, explain everything to her. Tell her you’re sorry and you didnt mean to hurt her.

I hope everything gets better 🙂

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