Post # 1
Ugh. So forever ago I posted a thread about how my friend from high school claimed Maid/Matron of Honor. We didn’t talk for 8 months, save for the few times i tried to schedule hang out times (to no avail).
Well, tonight she called and was asking me stuff about the wedding. She was saying things like “God, I don’t know why people like those big bows” & “You’re not having one of those super Catholic weddings are you that are like 3 hours long?”, etc. She was asking what “wedding shit” I need help with and that’s when I broke it to her. After 8 months of her ignoring me, I had chosen my cousin as Maid/Matron of Honor and picked a bridal party that didn’t include her. She tried to turn it on me as if I hadn’t tried to do what I can to save the friendship, but I’ve thought about the situation so many times, that I was unmoved. I do feel bad that she felt blindsided because we’ve gone through a lot together, but if you can’t make the effort to even say hi to me in 8 month’s time, then I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re not interested in being in my bridal party.
So she understood where I was coming from but was hurt, saying that she just assumed we’d pick up where we left off. I could hear her voice breaking as we hung up. x_x
Post # 3
had she purchased anything yet?
Post # 4
@Mrs. Meowerson: no, i never told her she was Maid/Matron of Honor. she assumed that because I was her’s that it’d be reciprocal – there’s nothing to purchase yet anyway. she basically knew nothing about the wedding other than the date, which she asked me to move because it was her husband’s birthday.
Post # 5
Omg, so you’re just supposed to pretend she ignored you for eight months until she wanted to reconnect and then it’s like nothing happened? yeesh. :/
I’m really glad you didn’t include her in your bridal party, it would have been a ton of stress you don’t need!
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Wow, I wouldn’t worry about it. Sounds like a good decision, and you broke it to her as best you could.
Post # 7
Yikes, what a difficult situation for you! Of course her feelings were hurt, but I’m guessing so were yours over the past 8 months with no effort on her part to make contact. And to call it ‘wedding shit’ really seems casual for someone who assumed she would be Maid/Matron of Honor. Hope you are feeling okay. * hugs *
Post # 8
I’m sorry 🙁 what a terrible spot to be in! You did the right thing in my opinion, and I wouldn’t worry about it. She knows you did a lot for her wedding but she is probably sad to know she can’t do the same (not that she would have by the sounds of it)…but she’ll be okay. It was probably harder for you to tell her than it was for her to hear it.
I’m kind of in the same boat. I just didn’t have the balls to tell my friend no, she cannot be Maid/Matron of Honor…even though I didn’t ask her. Even though she has bailed on me everytime we are suppose to hang out. Even though now that now I haven’t spoken up…and now that had made herself Maid/Matron of Honor, she still doesn’t do anything that a Maid/Matron of Honor would do. No bridal shower…no help, no support.
So good for you for sticking to your guns!
Post # 9
It’s OK to be sad; no one likes hurting the feelings of someone you were once close to. But as pink.sequins said, she hurt yours, too. And it doesn’t make you a bad person for moving on with your life without her. There doesn’t need to be blame or a falling out; it’s just how it is. I hope you’re feeling OK, and it’s totally understandable for you to feel down while you grieve the friendship.
Post # 10
I’m sorry it had to go down that way. 8 months, WTH?
Post # 11
thank you thank you, ladies. I’m sure I come off worse online than I really was; I can assure you that I was as nice and gentle as I could be, delivering news like that. Having the previous thread open to pull words from the advice really helped. I wish she wouldn’t have ditched me in the beginning so I could have told her in person that I didn’t want her to be Maid/Matron of Honor because then it wouldn’t have been drawn out so long, but i tried so many times to reconnect with her and putting the ball in her court (and gave her specific examples from throughout the past 8 months when she asked) that i felt like some desperate girl waving her arms frantically in the corner begging “please hang out with me!” without so much as a second glance. she honestly seemed to think that it was okay that we go so long without talking.
i don’t know where we go from here – i’m sending out Save-The-Date Cards this week and will shoot her one, but this is one of those things that friendships don’t really recover from so i don’t know what her response will be. I knew that when I made my decision though, and at this point i don’t feel like i’m losing much.
@Heatherloveskenny: I’m sorry you got stuck in the same kind of situation! Gotta love friends like that, right? :/
Post # 12
I wish I could be more like you! There are a few people I would love to tell that to! Kudos to you and good riddance to her 🙂