Post # 1
My face says it all!!! I’m a lively, expressive person, so I’ve been really quiet lately, trying not to talk about engagement and not to bug my SO with that, but my whole body is betraying me! I’m sad, and look exhausted, I don,t get excited and thankful for everything special like I used to (quite the opposite, those special occasions or surprise dates kill me). I try to put it on work and other things, but I think that he knows now, because of a comment I made on weddings yesterday). He KNOWS, so he should stop organising surprise dates in fancy restaurants without any intention to propose… I CAN’T take it anymore! I pretended I was too tired to go grocery shopping with him this morning so I could have the place to myself and cry (we live together ). We have only one bedroom, so since he wakes me up sometimes because he moves a lot during his sleep, I pretend I’m tired and need to sleep on the couch. In reality, it is because it hurts too much to sleep next to him, and smell him, and feel his body warmth, and look I him and think “I so want to marry you!!!!!” I’m 37, I’ve been in relationships before, and trust me, I know he is the guy I want to marry. He is only 28, but all his friends are married. But he is “not quite there yet”, even after 2 years and 4 months and 10 months living together. We talked about buying a two bedroom, and I said it was scary for me to put all my money into this right now, and he sais I should know and love him enough at this point to feel ready to that with him!!!!!!! I was like what?? What about YOU knowing me and loving me enough to give me a inexpensive, simple RING??? Anyway, he said he wants to get married with me, but that his “frame of reference” is not there yet, whatever that means!!! The upside is now when his friends ask us when we are getting engaged, I reply “When his frame of reference has shifted”, which cracks me up every time LOL Ahhhh I’m going crazy, I can just feel it!
Post # 3
I just straight up told my SO that just like making the decision to propose (and eventually marry) is hard, waiting is also hard, and that if I seemed withdrawn, sad, or quiet, he knew why, and I wasn’t being that way to spite him or to manipulate him. I told him that I could and would be patient, and to take the time he needed, but not to expect me to behave as if I were happy all the time when I’m not happy all the time while he’s taking the time to make this decision; I’m not going to be continuously sad, but sometimes I will be, and just because I’m not going to go out of my way to shove my feelings in his face doesn’t mean he’s not going to catch little glimpses of them here and there.
Post # 4
I feel a little bit resentfull too 🙁 Waiting is really hard and when he tells me that after dating for 7 years, and living together for almost 2, that marriage didn’t even cross his mind because we are too young (both 25), it hurt like hell.
I told him that if we get engaged, probably will be married in 1 or 2 years, so we are not that young since we want kids. It hurt really bad and I was sad and unconfortable around him for a few days. Now I really try to see the bright side, I have a man that loves me and I love him too, time will eventually pass… But I can feel your pain.
Sorry you’re sad 🙁 :hug:
Post # 5
@soupir: yep been there…I never complained about it to him though…didnt want to come across as needy…eventually I decided enough of feeling badly!..for me taking back the power was deciding to push it out of my mind…in fact after several months he mentioned something about it a couple of times and I just laughed and said
yeah, if you EVER get around to asking me…and then one day he did:) I think when my whole demeanor was kinda needy and sad it got me nowhere..good luck!
Post # 6
Am i ever so glad I found this board! Thank you so much, girls!!!
@Poplyphemus, you are a lot more reasonable and mature than me lol Great advice, I did talk about it to him, but never in a calm way, as I get too hurt… but I like the way you didn’t talk about the engagement, but about the wait, and about how you are living it. I’ll muster some courage and talk to him about that tomorrow.
@lsimspson, yes you are young compared to me, but for heaven’s sake, SEVEN years together and he wasn’t not even thinking about getting engaged? I totally understand that it hurt!!! Especially if he told you that after you had the courage to talk about it to him… As you say, an engagement will bring you guys to 27, which is not too young to start being adults! Honestly… men…(or rather, boys). I told my SO that if he was old enough to live with me, have sex with me, take me off the market and share expenses with me, AND have kids with me (that, he has no problem with! Go figure…), well he was old enough to protect what we build together by making it official, so we are not considered as strangers by the law if something happens… He likes all the arguments, respects me for standing up for myself, thinks I’m sooo smart and all… but NO ring yet!
@lifegirl: Your self control is beyond my wildest dreams LOL Reading you made me want to shake myself, but it is easier said than done…
Post # 7
@Polyphemus: I’m totally stealing this. I’ve been struggling with a way to articulate that to my SO since he stopped giving me hints. I know I don’t get hints anymore because it’s soon, but that doesn’t make it less hard for me!
Post # 8
@batwoman: Stealing your stealing :p
@Polyphemus: Like batwoman said, stealing this! Been having so much trouble getting it across to SO – he thinks I’m trying to manipulate him when I’m just damn sad that he’s taking so long to catch up
Post # 9
Oh god, my SO just said he feels horrible about last night, because he took me on a surprise date in a fancy restaurant and told me to dress nice, like my best new dress, and he wore a suit, and when we got there and mentioned the reservation, the waitress said “ah yes, I kept you a table in this other room, it is more private and almost empty, and I sat you two by the window….” So of course it looked like soooo planned, but it was all coincidences!! So because I could not hide my hurt feelings today (and haven’t slept well) my SO just said he felt terrible last night, that he knows what it looked like, and that he got my hopes high… That seems sweet, but I’m so crushed, because obviously he is far from asking me to marry him, and I felt like such a big idiot… oh my god, we’re never going to get through this… Now HE is saying he is not happy living like this, poor thing, he has to deal with me looking sad and all… so hard not to scream!!!