(Closed) I may have ruined everything by speaking up about my ring.

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 136
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

In an earlier post, you wrote that “in retrospect maybe I should not have said yes.” I doubt that a woman deeply in love and ready for marriage would be bothered by a surprise proposal. I suspect it was a problem because it put you on the spot and are unsure about marriage with him at this point. Under those circumstances, do not let him go out and buy you another ring. You have already hurt him once. The conversation you had with him and his apology do not change the fact that you are uncertain that you should have said yes to his proposal. Although you are assuming everything is okay because of that conversation, it is common for people to panic at the point of a breakup, and just want the other person back, even if that isn’t such a great idea.

So glad I don’t care that much about jewelry. Clearly, many women are drooling over particular styles and types of rings long before they get engaged. Maybe they ought to rethink the tradition of the man buying the ring for them. As independent single women, they are perfectly capable of going out and buying themselves the ring of their dreams, long before any man comes into the picture. Why wait for Prince Charming to give it to them, especially if they think Prince Charming is a “chauvinistic” idea?

Post # 137
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Sedona Golf Resort

My sisters aid no man should walk into a jewelry store alone unless he’s Rockafeller! I am now very happily married and my wonderful husband planned the sweetest engagement but the ring was not something I would have picked our for myself. I decided not to say anything but he found out I was less than thrilled. We fought for a good 3-days. He felt rejected and I felt that he didn’t value my opinion. We did talk about getting married for awhile and I sent him several pictures of the style of ring I really wanted. What he picked out-all alone, looked nothing like any of the rings I sent and even a female jeweler in the store questioned him on whether or not I’d like it. So we talked, cried, yelled and at the end of the day he decided that my happiness was way more important than his pride. This is the ring I will wear forever and it should reflect the both of us. Now we laugh about it and he says he wished he would have just listened more or taken those photos with him. It doesn’t have to be the worst conversation you have as a matter of fact it made me love him even more because he showed me how much he loved me and valued my happiness. It wasn’t about money, it just about honesty, communication and of course taste in jewelry. if this man truly loves you, your happiness will be his concern the rest of his life and your gift to him is you as his wife, for more precious than any ring. 

Post # 138
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You will definitely get mixed discussions.  In life and in any relationship you have to learn to pick and choose your battles. If this is one worth addressing then I say go for it. For me it wasnt worth addressing because I knew it would hurt my then FI’s feelings and HIS feelings were more important to me than a ring.  Sure I would have liked a thicker band, but you know what, I have grown to love my ring so much much it is not even funny. 

Picking and choosing your battles is not about having transparency, it shows wisdom, not to mention sometimes it is the timing.  Maybe he would have been more receptive to it a year after you were married. 

So I do understand both sides, but at the end of the day, is the ring really a measure of his true love for you. 

 

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