(Closed) I may have to spill the beans sooner than expected.

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

First I would just straight up ask him when he’s going to propose so that you know if it’s really coming. My boyfriend asked about my ring size and preferences in 2014, so in my experience that doesn’t mean anything.

Then you need to decide if you are set on walking no matter what. If he were to propose tomorrow, what would you say? If you know it’s going to be a no, then you’ll probably make things harder all around if you don’t preempt him. 

 

Post # 6
Member
2613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
phillygirl93 :  I have always felt that the cash to leave argument held less water than the desire to hurt him in the end. I’m SO SORRY that he has broken promises. I really feel like you gave him a lot of leeway and he took advantage. Truly. Your situation is awful and I feel for you. But there was always the option to breakup and live as roommates. Have that honest conversation about the future to save you and him this pain. I know it’s hard. But I’ve seen a a friend go through this and they lived as roommates for 3 months. The first week was weird but the final months were easier and saved them both money and pain. 

Post # 7
Member
4104 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

So put him off. Just tell him that you’re not ready to get married now and ask him to not propose yet, until you both feel ready. You were ready and he wasnt so you had to wait, now the he’s ready and you arent so he will have to wait. Tell him you have a lot going on and now would just not be a good time. 

If you’re set on walking, you need to figure your shit out and walk instead of stringing him along (I’m sure you already know this). Why not just end things instead of dranging it out? I understand this has financial constraints, but really, there has to be a better option.

Post # 8
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

Just tell him that with all that has gone on in your recent past, you are not ready, and to please not propose or buy a ring until………January?  Just picking a time after your walk-day.

Hey, if he really isn’t ready but is placating you, he’ll take you saying wait til January, as a win.  Then just continue with your plans.

Post # 10
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PP above who say to tell him you’re not ready yet. Continue with your plans. Tell him you’ve been giving rship some thought and bla bla. you’re not ready for proposal.

Post # 11
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee

Ok, so he proposes and you say no. It’s his own fault for waiting so long. I’m willing to bet money he’s not actually going to propose soon though. I wouldn’t do anything if I were you. 

Post # 12
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

Is he really ready though?  Remember in the original post, one of the Bees said he would notice the difference in you, the shift once you had made up your mind to leave when you could.  I agree with her.  Your body language has changed, the words you choose – he is probably feeling that change, and now is trying to do whatever to keep you around.  If he has been so wishy washy and unstrustworthy for so long, do you really think he’s changed, or is it that he’s stringing you along again?  Just some thoughts, hang in there Bee.

Post # 13
Member
4104 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

View original reply
phillygirl93 :  Maybe he isn’t ready and is just placating you because you seem distant and he thinks that will help…. I don’t know, I’m just guessing. I haven’t read your previous threads, but are you past the point of no return with him? Are you so sure he’s not your future? I think it says something that you were able to put your faith in someone after being hurt… That speaks positively to your character. Him letting you down speaks to his character. Don’t stop putting faith in other people… you will be let down again, people aren’t perfect. But what kind of life would that be to close yourself off from everything and never have faith in anyone again? Doesn’t sound like much of a life to me! Just make sure you always have a little backup plan 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

View original reply
phillygirl93 :  That’s why there’s “shut up” packs around here. Not bringing up the topic and being happy with life as is can really spur a guy on to actually propose. 

I would just have a conversation about how you don’t think you’re ready for marriage right now, and think you should wait until after the holidays. There’s always the “I don’t feel emotionally ready right now” or “We have to not fight for six months before our relationship will be strong enough for that” excuses as well. Just think like a man warding off an engagement, haha.

Maybe use some of the excuses he used on you?

Post # 15
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

Just put him off and don’t answer him, I have the feeling he is just pretending that he will propose soon.

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