(Closed) I may have to spill the beans sooner than expected.

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
651 posts
Busy bee

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phillygirl93 :  If your name is on the lease, I don’t think he can MAKE you do anything. But I can see your point of avoiding the “its over” convo to get to the end with less drama.

Post # 47
Member
736 posts
Busy bee

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phillygirl93 :  I get you are trying to save money (to break the lease?), but if he lets you off the hook early, can you move out? Also think about what Tatum said. Your landlord should ask you soon if you want to re-sign. They wouldn’t want an empty apartment collecting dust.

By “lose his cookies” do you mean that you think your B.F. would get angry and hurt you? 

I know that my state (not PA) allows early termination of a lease without any fees in cases of reported domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, or stalking. You should look into this. There are shelters and resources out there if you are afraid of something your B.F. might do, but I don’t think that waiting to tell him the truth would make him less mad.

Post # 48
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

Do I understand this correcty regarding the finances, if he lets you off the hook of paying out the remainder of your part of the lease, you still can’t move out because you need the next 3 months to save up?

Post # 51
Member
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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phillygirl93 :  it’s almost like you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be…

Post # 53
Member
2613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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phillygirl93 :  You are (and have always been) operating under the assumption that your roommate will be desperate to have you back or will not agree to cohabitate. These are all made up things in your head. You are forcing yourself into a situation based on ASSumptions you are making. 

Post # 54
Member
6952 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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phillygirl93 :  I know it was also about your financial situation. I’m not saying it wasn’t. This whole plan was about several things including taking your power back. I get it. You felt like you haven’t been in control for a long time and this helped you regain that control.

What I’m saying is that you weren’t rationally thinking this through. You were upset when you thought this through and didn’t consider certain things. Logistically your plan was short-sighted. And also I can see how it would emotionally take a toll on YOURSELF to keep up this lie for several months with this guy, but hopefully that hasn’t been the case. 

So I think what everyone is saying here is that you have a few options:

1) Come clean, break up with him, and live as roommates until the lease is up.

2) Just hope he never actually proposes (however if you do this you’ll still have to face the music before the lease is up when your landlord asks about renewing). 

 

Post # 55
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

Next question – can you get your hands on the lease you signed?  If so, does it offer you to “break” the lease with no penalties (or, perhaps just never getting back your deposit if there was one) if you give 30 days’ written notice? 

 

 

Post # 56
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I know you have said you absolutely will not break up with him before you have a place lined up, but I think you have to tell him SOMETHING and unfortunately it will be kind of like walking on eggshells/toeing the line between breaking up and staying together.

So I’d have a conversation with him and tell him that you have been having doubts based on broken timelines etc in the past. Tell him that you want marriage off the table for now. Maybe tell him you don’t want to think of marriage for the next 6 months or something. Make sure he knows that proposing right now will NOT fix anything, and you absolutely do NOT want a proposal for the next 6 months or however long you give him. As for the renewal of the lease, tell him that you do not want to put your name on the next lease until you are sure of your future together. You don’t have to straight up break up with him, but if you tell him your doubts then that is an excuse to not put your name on the lease renewal.

Post # 57
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

If you leave in 30 days, get a new place, will your expenses be more or less than where you are living now?

If less, will it be enough less that you can live in the new place and pay off the remainder of the lease?

Post # 58
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

Maybe there is a temporary sublease or room rental on Craigslist for a cheaper price until you can save enough money? Good luck to you! I agree you could also tell him to take marriage off the table for now…maybe tell him “I feel pressured” or “I’m just not ready” or “I’d be open to that happening soon, but not now” or “I want to be more financially stable first.” Muwahaha. But, I would tell him that before he actually buys a ring.

Post # 59
Member
4228 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It just really seems like either way you’re letting yourself be stressed out/unhappy. Because either you’re worrying how to keep up this lie/make sure he doesn’t propose/secretly save money and find a place, or you’re potentially dealing with him being pissed/trying to kick you out.

Either situation sucks, but if you at least have an honest adult conversation, you’re no longer having to cover your tracks and find a way to keep up some big charade WHILE being stressed and unhappy.

Post # 60
Member
2252 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

If the furniture was so expensive, just sell it. Sure, you won’t get all the $$ back for it, but you can make a good chunk of change, it can be moved out (by the person that buys it) one day so you don’t have to worry about it, and you can use that $$ for a new place. That’s what it was originally for anyway. Then just get cheaper furniture unil you save up again. 

I have had a roommate move out before when we have both signed a lease. The landlord basically let her out of it if she could find a subletter. I decided I didn’t want some rando living with me, so I just agreed to take on the full lease. Talk to your landlord and see if something could be done. When my landlord let me know, she had said that the other person had already approached her and this is what was decided. See what you can work out with your landlord. I’m sure they’ve dealt with this a time or two before.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, I’m sure its very confusing. 

 

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