Post # 1
I have big decision to make, and I keep going back and forth. … I’m lurking under an alias I’m not a troll
I’m engaged and due to b married in 4 months …. In any event I started feeling queasy and tired and found out that I’m 5 weeks pregnant last week. I panicked ran to a clinic to get an ultrasound and discuss my options… I’m freaking out a bit because I’m not ready for a baby yet…. And like a dummy I sent out Save the dates one day before I took a HPT… AURGH … I don’t know what to do…. and if i want to keep it…and Fiance is aware… the timing is bad so the wedding would not happen i would be too far along and frankly i’m not bold enough to get married 5 months preganant plus i’d rather save the money for the baby now.
Here are all the down sides: My dad is battling cancer and was very depressed over me getting engaged … he will not take this pregnancy well at ALL I’m his only daughter and all my life have had a “ do everything correct” cloud over my head… I’m very anxious about disappointing my family.. I’m religious and belong to a very small church and was pretty popular at the church….
I don’t know how to handle this…FI and I really aren’t financially ready for a baby yet and don’t have a financial plan yet and he isn’t the greatest with money ….having all this responsibility this soon seems to be a lot of stress to put on a relationship and I’m really worried that we need to wait and this pregnancy would leave no time to save an plan… I also don’t have a lot of time to decide to keep it or not because our 2nd deposit is due at the end of the month for the venue and all my bridesmaids just got all their dresses in….which I will need to pay for if we cancel… I only have a week if I decide to terminate…
My Fiance is excited/nervous about a baby and I am a little but I just started a new job, just moved, it’s a lot at once….I know some of my concerns shouldn’t matter a wedding isn’t more important than a baby and I would gladly deal with the embarrassment and cancel it….. but I’m MORE worried more about how this decision will affect my relationships with My immediate family and my marriage to Fiance in the future it leaves no time to bound as a couple.. I think it’s too soon…..HELP I just need feedback to make a decision so please folks… no judgments on roe vs. wade…please just stick to pros and cons… and things I may not have thought of to help me make a decision….thanks
Post # 3
I don’t think that anyone can tell you if you are ready for a baby. However, when my friends and discuss baby readiness, we always say that if you a)want a baby and b)can finanically support a baby (in the now/moment) then there will probably never be a “better” time. GL!
Post # 4
@charliesangel92: You need to sit down and talk this out with Fiance. Do not panic. Things will be ok whatever decision you make. If you decide not to keep it, that’s ok too.
Don’t start makin any decisions until the reality has settled in. You may well find you feel very differently in a few days but first, go home and speak to your Fiance. What other people think / want should not influence your decision.
Good luck x
Post # 5
None of us can tell you what to do. Honestly, I dont even know what I would do in your situation.
You need to talk to your Fiance about your options and make a decision together. There is no “right” decision, only what is best for you both at this time in your life.
Post # 6
Congrats! Timing may not be ideal, but a baby is definitely a blessing 🙂 Could you possibly get married with JUST immediate family soon-ish, like at a courthouse or a park, or even at home? If you want, you could still have a marriage celebration/blessing when your original wedding was planned, and you can make it a little more low key to save money.
OR, you could just elope or get married and nix the original wedding plan… but you would have to send out a letter or call people and let them know the change of plans. I’m sure they’d all understand since this is a HUGE life event.
*edit to add: I meant to point out that this is what I would do, and only YOU can decide if this is something that is right for you.
Post # 7
If you feel you both are not financially stable to have a baby, you have 9 months to make it to a point where you can. I am not you, or your fiance but if I were you I would keep the baby.
Saying you don’t want to be pregnant when you’re married seems a little odd to me, it’s a gift, and people obviously will know you were engaged and planning the wedding way before the baby news anyway….(not like that should matter..)
I’m not against abortion, i’ve been there…but the fact that you’re engaged changes eveyrthing in my mind…work as a team to save your money now more than ever while you both can.
Get married! 🙂
Post # 8
You did not “mess up” (title of your post). Things happen.
I wish you the best of luck as you and your Fiance figure this out together. Whatever happens, you will be okay.
Post # 9
I think this is something you and your Fiance need to sit down and talk about. I was in a similar situation except I was 8 1/2 months when I walked down the aisle :). Darling Husband and I sat down and went over all of the pros and cons. I was also worried about the financial aspect and money is tight but we are making it work. In the end you need to do what is right for the two of you. If you are uncomfortable about getting married while pregnant, then maybe do a small ceremony with just family or a Destination Wedding immediately and just have a party to celebrate with friends on the date you sepcified.
Post # 10
Could you move your wedding back? Then maybe your family would be happier?
I’m not pregnant, but my fiance’s landlord asked him to move out 4 months before our wedding. I’m from a very traditional family and I never planned to live with him before the wedding. But it didn’t make sense financially for him to try to find another house.
when I told my mom about him moving in, she said “you’re grown up and I know you’ll do what’s right.” I already knew in my heart I wanted to be married to him. We’ve already done the prep with the priest, so we moved our wedding back to May and will have just our immediate family there. But we’re still having the reception we planned (and paid for) in September with a much larger group.
Decide what’s in your heart. Speak to a close family member or a pastor if you want to. Our pastor was super supportive of us getting married early and is even doing the wedding on his day off.
Best of luck!
Post # 11
You have probably already “gone against” the church and your dad’s wishes for sex, but now you have to deal with those consequences. make the decision based on what YOU and Fiance think would work best for you. You can scale downt the wedding, but still have it. It’s a blessing to the child to have married parents (whether you were pregnant at the wedding or not). You can keep the date and maybe change the venue to something cheaper… cake and punch reception. You would not be the first person to have to make a change to venue.
Post # 12
Thanks ladies… i’m trying not to panic i’ve been thinking about this all weekend … Fi is supportive of whatever I decide but he has said he would like to have the baby… i’m not so sure i want to…i didn’t really want a big wedding so i’m ok if we send out a letter and cancel it… i’m really wrestling with telling my parents if i move FW and dealing with if finacially we need to wait… we both decided we would wait a year or two and frankly we could use that time….a baby right now is a lot
Post # 13
Nobody can tell you if keeping the baby, adoption, or abortion is the right thing for you. Only you can figure that out and it may take time. It sounds like you feel like you’re drowning, so focus on one decision at a time.
ETA: A decision about a baby should never be based on what your parents, other family members, friends, or strangers may think. It should solely be based on how you feel and what is right for your life.
Post # 14
I would make sure that you and your Fiance are on the same page first before you worry about anything else. Not having a united front can cause problems later on.
Post # 15
I agree with PP that this is totally a personal decision and you and your Fiance need to have a long long talk about what is best for you and your family. (meaning you and him and your baby, not your parents or siblings…this is about you two only and thats the way its going to be when you get married too, you have to get out from under your parents wants)
i’ve always been told there is not right time to have a baby and i’ve also have been told if you wait till the right time you will never have kids. When I found out I was preganant i was really excited but a few days later i had a compelte mental breakdown and cried for several hours straight thinking “i can’t do this! how am i going to do this? I’m not ready yet” but that went away soon and i’m more excited than ever.
I wouldn’t worry too much about finances, people say you always find a way and i believe that. I honestly don’t know what i would do in your situation but i’ve always worred about termination for the simple fact of thinking “what if this is the only time god blesses me with a baby and i choose to terminate” I’m totally on the side of your body your choice but that has always been my personal stance on it for myself.
Congrats on the amazing things in your future, marriage, babies…whatever you decide i’m sure everything will work out 🙂 good luck.
Post # 16
@hecallsmelove: I would cancel it and move the date up… The wedding was more for Fiance and his family he wanted a celebration…i told him hey now they get a baby shower instead (smile)
@BellaDee: I just wouldn’t feel “comfy” my dress was a trumpet gown i’m very thin so i know it wouldn’t fit and i would need something more flattering thats the main reason for not wanting to just move forward with the plan…plus some of family is “really” judgemental and stares and whispers would ruin my day … I really would want to just save the money and go to the court house