Post # 16
I echo PP’s that would be a huge overreaction – I’m thinking there’s something else going on, you may not even realise it.
Stop texting. Call her. Ask her what’s up and then listen. Don’t apologise again for the GIF unless she says that is what she’s pissed about. If she’s mad about something else it will be even more annoying hearing you apologise for the GIF again.
She’s being childish though, if I have a problem with a friend of 15 years, I bloody tell them.
Post # 17
Could be an overreaction.
Could be something else she is upset about and you assume that is the only thing due to timing.
Could be it was the straw that broke the camel’s back if you are that careless that frequently. You’re an adult. You can only use the “I’m just so scattered and easily distracted by shiny objects like a goldfish” excuse for so long before people just get fed up with you. You can change the settings on your phone to auto-lock. You can teach your self to get into better, less careless habits. You can use one of a hundred planner or calendar apps to get yourself organized.
So at this point, if I were you, I would reach out and CALL her and I would not make assumptions. Apologize again for your carelessness and then tell her that you feel like there has been a shift in your friendship and would like to talk about it. Maybe married life has just been busy. Maybe she is having issues at work or at home. Maybe she really is just that upset about only the gif. Who knows, but you’ll never know unless you ask.
Post # 18
I’m sure my perspective is oging to be unpooular… Frankly, my tolerance is pretty non-existent for an adult to be so lackidasical and easily distracted to the point they do things like unintentionally post offensive content on social media or repeatedly text gibberish, leave blank/empty voicemails, etc.
You can teach yourself to have better habits and be better organized. If someone in my life behaved in such a manner with those kind of “bad habits” I would feel like they were being disrespectful of others’ and did not value friendships enough to act in an appropriate manner. Sheesh, you can set your phone to lock after 30 seconds, 60 seconds, 2 minutes, etc. I find it hard to believe that you unlock your phone and walk around with it unlocked for 10-15+ minutes at a time, especially after the first time something like this happened.
I suspect this may have been the proberbial “Straw that broke the camel’s back” with your friend.
Post # 19
codepurple89 : I must see this gif. I agree with everyone here to some extent. One one hand, a gif is really something petty to disregard a friend of 15 years over. She also had the ability to delete the gif if it bothered her so much. It makes me question how good of friends you two are/were of she got upset enough to completely not invite you to her reception over something that she knows should be out of character for you.
On the other hand, your absent mindedness does seem rather frustrating and annoying. If you do things like this often, I don’t think it’s severe enough to end a friendship over, but I would start to question your maturity at some point and maybe pull away a bit, as it’s somethjng I’d grow tired of really, *really* quickly.
Post # 20
Thats a pretty strong reaction to a stupid post on FB. I find FB itself to be pretty stupid and the cause of unecessary drama, and this is a great example.
Stop texting her and she may eventually come around. But if the only thing you did to her was post a dumb gif, I don’t think her friendship was that valuable to begin with and thus you haven’t lost much with her being out of touch.
And for the love of god, set your phone to lock right away if this sort of thing has occurred multiple times. After a while people will think you’re a dimwit, and you may wind up sending an unpleasant text to someone who really matters in your life.
Post # 21
misslucy : sunburn : for what it’s worth I’m in therapy for it. So it’s definitely a work in progress. I’m really fidgety and I have a few tics as well, but I’m working to figure out where they come from and how to stop them. I appreciate the concern though.
Post # 22
- Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada
I know it’s not the point, but also sooo curious to know what the gif was!
Post # 24
To answer a few questions here:
if there was something else, I’m genuinely unaware of it. We were pretty consistent on talking and she was definitely more responsive to me even as soon as the day before this. We never talked on the phone because she talks on the phone all day at work and she’ll usually say “texting is easier”, “I’m tired of the phone”. We honestly never had a “talking on the phone” friendship, only really in our teenage years and even then it was mostly AIM and text.
I hate admitting what the gif was. I actually tried to find it again but I don’t even know what I typed in to find it. It was someone with what looked like Down syndrome dresses as a flower saying “breakfast” I think.
Im aware thy my characteristics are unfavorable at best, repulsive at worst. I’m in therapy for these things and I’m hoping to be able to work on compartmentalizing and finishing one thing before I try to do another. I appreciate the concern.
Post # 25
misslucy : this.
codepurple89 : OP, my guess is that it’s not the GIF itself that pissed her off. Likely, this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. It can be really difficult and frustrating to maintain a friendship with someone who is super scatter brained and flakey. I know that I’ve broken up with friends over it because it can feel exhausting. I’m glad to hear that you’re in therapy and working on it.
Post # 26
codepurple89 : I don’t mean to pry, but why are you avoiding everyone asking you what the GIF was? Like, you’ve addressed everything BUT that, and it is the main question everyone here has been asking since the beginning…
Post # 27
catskillsinjune : I wouldn’t describe myself as flakey. I’m pretty loyal and consistent in my relationships and my work. Definitely anxious and scattered. And it’s more in my personal life and in my own head. I’ve never really had anyone end a friendship or relationship over my anxiety or even try to talk to me about it so I really don’t know if that was it. I wouldn’t describe myself as a flakey friend, just mentally scattered and fidgety if that makes sense.
Either way, I’m splitting hairs I guess.
Post # 28
happiekrappie : I apologize. I’m just so mortified by it and then I actually couldn’t reply because I was in therapy. I did address it above though.
Post # 29
codepurple89 : we all have flaws. your friend’s flaw is that she’s a coward. at least being scatterbrained is unintentional and generally harmless. the way your friend acted for 4 months, literally lying to you about her wedding plans repeatedly was intentional. she knew you would find out too and she didn’t care. she’s a coward and intentionally cruel.
Post # 30
codepurple89 : oh, bee…I’m sorry :/ I think you should call your friend, ask her to meet you out for brunch or something in a quiet place, and hash things out. You’ve gotta take initiative and explain that you take full accountability for what you did, and what actions you’re taking to prevent something like that from happening again. After that, the ball is in her court. Don’t grovel at her feet, but do emphasize your apologies.
I hope everything works out for the best for you, bee. Therapy seems like a good first step to resolving these habits. Good luck!