I messed up. Friend seems to be avoiding me. Help!

posted 12 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I echo PP’s that would be a huge overreaction – I’m thinking there’s something else going on, you may not even realise it.

Stop texting.  Call her.   Ask her what’s up and then listen.  Don’t apologise again for the GIF unless she says that is what she’s pissed about.  If she’s mad about something else it will be even more annoying hearing you apologise for the GIF again. 

She’s being childish though, if I have a problem with a friend of 15 years, I bloody tell them. 

Post # 17
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee

Could be an overreaction.

Could be something else she is upset about and you assume that is the only thing due to timing.

Could be it was the straw that broke the camel’s back if you are that careless that frequently.  You’re an adult.  You can only use the “I’m just so scattered and easily distracted by shiny objects like a goldfish” excuse for so long before people just get fed up with you.  You can change the settings on your phone to auto-lock.  You can teach your self to get into better, less careless habits.  You can use one of a hundred planner or calendar apps to get yourself organized.

So at this point, if I were you, I would reach out and CALL her and I would not make assumptions.  Apologize again for your carelessness and then tell her that you feel like there has been a shift in your friendship and would like to talk about it.  Maybe married life has just been busy.  Maybe she is having issues at work or at home.  Maybe she really is just that upset about only the gif.  Who knows, but you’ll never know unless you ask.

Post # 18
Member
2413 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sure my perspective is oging to be unpooular…   Frankly, my tolerance is pretty non-existent for an adult to be so lackidasical and easily distracted to the point they do things like unintentionally post offensive content on social media or repeatedly text gibberish, leave blank/empty voicemails, etc.   

You can teach yourself to have better habits and be better organized.  If someone in my life behaved in such a manner with those kind of “bad habits” I would feel like they were being disrespectful of others’ and did not value friendships enough to act in an appropriate manner.  Sheesh, you can set your phone to lock after 30 seconds, 60 seconds, 2 minutes, etc.  I find it hard to believe that you unlock your phone and walk around with it unlocked for 10-15+ minutes at a time, especially after the first time something like this happened.

I suspect this may have been the proberbial “Straw that broke the camel’s back” with your friend.  

Post # 19
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

codepurple89 :  I must see this gif. I agree with everyone here to some extent. One one hand, a gif is really something petty to disregard a friend of 15 years over. She also had the ability to delete the gif if it bothered her so much. It makes me question how good of friends you two are/were of she got upset enough to completely not invite you to her reception over something that she knows should be out of character for you. 

 

On the other hand, your absent mindedness does seem rather frustrating and annoying. If you do things like this often, I don’t think it’s severe enough to end a friendship over, but I would start to question your maturity at some point and maybe pull away a bit, as it’s somethjng I’d grow tired of really, *really* quickly.

Post # 20
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee

Thats a pretty strong reaction to a stupid post on FB. I find FB itself to be pretty stupid and the cause of unecessary drama, and this is a great example.

Stop texting her and she may eventually come around. But if the only thing you did to her was post a dumb gif, I don’t think her friendship was that valuable to begin with and thus you haven’t lost much with her being out of touch.

And for the love of god, set your phone to lock right away if this sort of thing has occurred multiple times. After a while people will think you’re a dimwit, and you may wind up sending an unpleasant text to someone who really matters in your life.

Post # 22
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

I know it’s not the point, but also sooo curious to know what the gif was!

Post # 23
Member
6657 posts
Bee Keeper

We need to see the gif. 

Post # 25
Member
3560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

misslucy : this.

codepurple89 : OP, my guess is that it’s not the GIF itself that pissed her off. Likely, this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. It can be really difficult and frustrating to maintain a friendship with someone who is super scatter brained and flakey. I know that I’ve broken up with friends over it because it can feel exhausting. I’m glad to hear that you’re in therapy and working on it.

Post # 26
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

codepurple89 :  I don’t mean to pry, but why are you avoiding everyone asking you what the GIF was? Like, you’ve addressed everything BUT that, and it is the main question everyone here has been asking since the beginning…

Post # 29
Member
15 posts
Newbee

codepurple89 :  we all have flaws. your friend’s flaw is that she’s a coward. at least being scatterbrained is unintentional and generally harmless. the way your friend acted for 4 months, literally lying to you about her wedding plans repeatedly was intentional. she knew you would find out too and she didn’t care. she’s a coward and intentionally cruel. 

Post # 30
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

codepurple89 :  oh, bee…I’m sorry :/ I think you should call your friend, ask her to meet you out for brunch or something in a quiet place, and hash things out. You’ve gotta take initiative and explain that you take full accountability for what you did, and what actions you’re taking to prevent something like that from happening again. After that, the ball is in her court. Don’t grovel at her feet, but do emphasize your apologies. 

 

I hope  everything works out for the best for you, bee. Therapy seems like a good first step to resolving these habits. Good luck!

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