(Closed) I Messed Up-Need Advice

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6344 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

The thing that stands out for me is him saying he can’t afford it: have you suggested/implied/said you want a certain ring? Would you get engaged without a ring, or with a cheaper ring?

If you aren’t bothered about the ring, then you need to talk to him, and explain you want to marry him, you don’t just want to get a big, expensive ring. If he still goes on about it, then OK, I guess it could be that he feels he should get a big ring and would be embarassed to get you a small one, but if he was really genuine about marriage, I don’t think it would be an issue.

If the ring DOES bother you, or you have implied you want a certain size/value etc, then I can see where he’s coming from, and I’d look at whether you want marriage, or the fun and excitement of a proposal and engagement.

Post # 4
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

He said within 3 months – how long has it been?

I’d suggest just having an honest conversation with him about it. Come up with options to make the ring affordable (get a cheaper one or offer to pay for it, etc) to take that excuse off the table. Then remind him of his 3 month promise, and explain that you will leave if you guys are not engaged within 3 months – even go specific down to the day. Then drop the topic entirely, don’t bring it up again. If that last day comes and go without a proposal, then be firm and leave.

Post # 5
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

If you were recently engaged to someone else, are you sure you’re ready to get married now? I don’t know, maybe it would be best for both of you to take things slow and make sure things are solid before taking such a big step?

Post # 6
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry you’re going through this.  It sounds like pure torture.  I obviously don’t know your SO but I hate that he made a big promise to get you back only to go back to the same old reluctance.  i agree with a PP that you should tell him that you would be fine with an affordable type of ring and see what he does.  overcome his objections about the financial stuff. 

I think you owe it to yourself to give it every chance you can by overcoming these “objections” and then unfortunately I would have to advise you to walk….  if he had truly learned his lesson wouldn’t he still be talking about your future together still? 

Give it your best shot….don’t give up until you know it’s just not going to happen.  you love him…you have to try.  But, if you end up letting it go again, just let it go…

hugs!!

Post # 7
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

If you don’t think that there is a future with this man, kindly back out with your integrity intact. You tried, you gave him a shot, he didn’t perform AGAIN. You can move on. 

Post # 8
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m going to have to agree with MissHobbit.  I had broken up with an ex and came back to him believing that we had a future together.  As it turned out, he was never really sure if he wanted to marry me.  It was just that I was a safe bet because I was a good girlfriend. // 

Post # 9
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

LEAVE HIM!!! If he really loves you, and wants to spend his life with you, the next time you’ll see him is with a ring in his hand…

Post # 10
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Dump him! He pulled out all the stops to get you back and didn’t deliver! NEXT!

Post # 12
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Your gut is right. Leave him, and move on with your life. You deserve better.

Post # 13
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

Hey lady! I really have nothing to say other than keep me posted on how your doing and when you need the support of people who have been there (and even those of us who haven’t) when you get the blues. 

Much love and hugs! 

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