Post # 1
Before I go into this, I have one question to all of you out there. How do you get over someone you don’t have feelings for, but still keep in contact with?????
Yesterday I decided to hit up my computer buddy. (Our comp had been running slow and freezing up). (I had tried all the tricks and advice I got on here too) and my husband saw the number on the phone bill and I knew he would, that’s why I TOLD HIM before he checked it this morning. Still he got upset and made a fuss.
I would really like to cut off contact with this person, but HOW? I’ve put a block on his number, just so I can’t call or text it. It’s hard to let go of a good friend who happens to be male! I’ve thought about going to see a therapist to see if I can kick this guy out of myself for good and I’ve even told my husband about my wanting to see a professional to help with this issue. I know what’s going to happen if I can’t kick this for good. I don’t even want to say it, it breaks my heart too much.
My husband forgave me, but he can’t keep doing that and he won’t for long. No man will! He doesn’t deserve this and I don’t want to keep treating him this way. I WANT to change, but how? Where do I start?
I need some direction/advice.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I don’t understand. In your first paragraph, you said that you don’t have feelings for the guy, so what’s the problem? Is it just that your husband is jealous and you’re trying to appease him?
Post # 4
I don’t think I really understand. Is this guy only a friend or is there more to it? Your post makes it sound like he’s only a friend but the response from your hubby says its more. Whats the rest of the story?
Post # 5
I am a bit confused as well.
I think that the best thing to do, if you are willing to end the friendship for your husband, is to talk to the male friend (not on facebook) and tell him that you are devoted to your husband, he’s not cool with the friendship, and his opinion is important to you. Tell him that you can’t have contact with him anymore & apologize.
That’s all I can think of..
Post # 6
I’m not understanding either. You don’t have feelings for this person but you need to get him out of your life? If he’s just a good friend who happens to be male, why is that a problem? I have lots of close male friends. Is there a reason why your FH doesn’t like him or the situation?
Post # 7
I met the guy when I was working and we shared lunches together and yes, we slept together…ONCE! and I WOULDN’T, COULDN’T EVER DO THAT TO MY HUSBAND. He and I still talk sometimes. Like I said, he’s an IT guy and I call upon him for advice on my computer and only that. I’d like to cut our speaking relationship all together, as to not make my husband upset. (He doesn’t mind for me having male friends, just not this one)
Post # 8
Is this a previous flame or something?
Regardless of the history, if this person truly is just a friend, I don’t see the big deal from your husband and why you need to ‘dump’ your friend. You should be able to have male friends.
EDIT: I just saw your post above. My opinion? The past is the past. If you cheated on your husband with him, I can see him being upset and you wanting to cut this guy out of your life. But if this was before your hubby, I don’t think your friend needs ‘dumped’.
Post # 9
So just don’t call him. Find someone else to call when you have an IT problem, or find an IT forum online.
Post # 10
Just ignore him. You should try to join some activities so you can meet and become friends with more people.
EDIT: If you have IT issues, google is a useful tool. You can also ask the Hive, describe the problem and I gurantee someone will help.
Post # 11
Ahhh I see the plot thickens. So there is a “romantic” history there to a degree, but before you met FH. So FH isn’t comfortable with you talking to a dude you had a bit of a fling with. From his point of view, I can see how or why he might be jealous, maybe you two didn’t have closure, maybe he thinks this other guy is better looking or something, who knows. How long ago (and how long before FH) did all of this happen?
My advice: There are lots and lots and lots of IT guys in this world. I’m sure you could even call Geek Squad for some advice rather than calling this dude when you know it will upset your FH. Maybe you need to find another IT guy for a while, let things cool off, and maybe in time FH will be come more comfortable with the situation.
When Fiance and I were first dating, he was still friends with his ex and I was really uncomfortable with it when she’d call or want to hang out. However, after I met her, met her boyfriend, etc, I became more comfortable with it. I realize that she doesn’t have any lingering romantic desires for Fiance and now I’m totally fine with the situation. In fact we’re going to her and her FI’s wedding in a couple weeks! It just takes time.
Post # 12
Why are you asking your husband’s forgiveness if he’s JUST a friend? It seems sort of controlling and jealous to me. I don’t understand why he’s angry at you for having a platonic male friend that you don’t have feelings for.
It’s okay to have friends! He doesn’t deserve what?You can’t keep treagting him that way?
You sound really guilty and I’m not sure why!
Post # 13
OH now I see!
If you slept with the guy, I totally understand your husband not wanting you to talk to him. And if you only talk to him about computer stuff, then what kind of friendship is that?
Still, I wouldn’t want my husband to be friends with any girls he slept with. I think that crosses the line of what’s appropriate friendships of the opposite sex.
Post # 14
meh, it was once a long time ago and not a cheating thing. My opinion is that your husband has to learn to pick his battles and leave you alone about your friend. Or, you need to pick your battles and consult an online forum for your IT needs and do this for your husband. I’d personally just find a new friend, since it doesn’t sound like you are close. But I wouldn’t let this become a pattern – it could be controlling.
Post # 15
I cant tell you to find someone else to do your computer work because I have a similar issue that you do. Mine is the guy who fixes my car and has done some work on my house. The problem isnt with my FH but HIS WIFE she is a nutter!
So I understand why you call him instead of someone new. Maybe explan to your hubs that you ONLY call him to work on the comp and there is nothing more to the relationship. Or maybe have the hubs call him when you guys need help. Is the hubs ok talking to him or does he hate him?
I must say I dont really understand why you would need to block someones number that you dont have any feelings for. Unless maybe it was your hubs idea?
Post # 16
bakerella It was about 3 years ago. My husband didn’t like him from the get-go. He knows the story (only b/c I wanted to tell him). Still, I’d like to change my ways to keep my marriage from falling apart.