(Closed) I might be a courthouse bride after all!!

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

When I was 25, my Boyfriend or Best Friend of 2.5 years needed my health insurance.

He had COBRA and that ran out after 18 months.  He needed emergency surgery one weekend.  He had a rare kidney stone condition and one of the stones started to block an artery.  It ended up moving so he didn’t need the surgery that day, but he needed the surgeries in the near future or else it could kill him.  When COBRA ran out, he had nothing.

We tried to get him on BCBS, IHC and other local insurance companies, but no one would take him on with his condition.

It was a tough spot for us, for me.

Then we learned that he could get on my insurance WITH a pre-existing condition as long as the lapse in coverages was no more than 60 days.  We dicussed getting married. 

At the time, I wasn’t so keen on marriage in general.  I had not seen a lot of good examples, I really wasn’t sure how great it was supposed to be.  But I had this guy I lived with since the day we met (yes that’s right) and was with for 2.5 years.  In the event that we were going to marry anyway, I don’t want to marry a guy with $75k in debt from medical bills.  I didn’t picture ending the relationship at some point.  Previous marriage talk didn’t go far since we were poor and weren’t sure how to do it when you families are so far apart.  So this insurance issue wasn’t the first talk of marraige.  .

We married with a week to spare in that 60 day time frame.  He never actually proposed, we had no rings.  We went to the courthouse on a weekeday at 10am.  I just wore a skirt.  We took our two witnesses to lunch, then we went back to work.  There was no family (too short notice to fly in).  I said, “Well do it all over in the summer!”  That never happend.  We were too poor, families couldn’t afford plane tickets in.  It all just came and went with out any specialness, and I DEEPLY regretted that for a long time.  However, the guy I picked to marry wasn’t keen on making it special so it was like a one person team most of the time.

He ended up getting his surgeries (3, in fact).  However, I ended up divorcing that guy after 5 years of marriage.  He was really an all around lousy choice of a partner and my 25 year old self had no idea how bad of a partner he was.  I knew my parents had a lousy marriage, and I knew if I just did better then them that I’d be OK in my marriage. I owed it to my denial, lack of experience, and childhood conditioning which lead me to pick him.

I thought, “His parents are married, my parents are married, therefore we have a good chance of making it.”  How naive of me.  I didn’t have a clue about selecting the right partner. I truly thought luck was part of it.  HA!  I failed to see that my dad was an alcoholic emotional abuser, his father was an emotional abuser, and my ex and I were just a very poor combination (I was very codependent for one, but a good partner).  He ended up emotionally abusing me and I got out. I tried much therapy and marital counsling (alone) and in the end there was no improvement.

So that’s a long story.  I think it’s highly conditional on the type of person you are.  I was even told at the time by my dad that I had a good head on my shoulders and they weren’t worried for me.  I believed I was doing the right thing.  I believed that we’d get married anyway.

I am very glad that I did not stay with him because he was really a poor partner on so many levels, but I did not think that at the time.

Now I’m engaged and there were some things that I wanted to do differently.  I knew I wanted a proposal and a ring (FI got that and he did so great!), I would also not move in/get married purely due to circumstances ever again (aka to save money, to make it more convenience, because someone in the famly is dying).  I’d only marry if it was truly the natural and wanted sequence of things and we were ready.  I guess it was a way to protect myself, do things “right” this time around.

Post # 4
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are you there still MW?

Post # 6
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am in a similar perdicament. We want to get married. We are just unsure about the date. I am also an independent contractor and he has been wanting to do the legal part ASAP so I can get some insurance (only group policies take preexisting conditions like mine) so I am not quite sure if we shoudl just do it and not tell anyone, or do it a little later and have a part right after, or have a small party the day off, and then a larger reception with the outoftowners invited later this year…

 

Let me know how you figure yours out!

Post # 7
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My advice would be to NOT keep it a secret.  Get married alone if you want, make it special though – that’s your wedding day.  Take youselves to a nice dinner, get a dress (maybe one you’ll rewear).  If you have a couple witneses, include them in the nice dinner out.

Have a celebration party at a later date if you feel you still want to celebrate with loved ones.  It’s not a reception though, it’s a celebration party.

Post # 9
Member
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Get Married and like they said dont keep it a secret! if you want abig wedding down the road you can always have it

Post # 10
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Although my story was different (you guys are already engaged, so that is a big difference), it was the only “got married for insurance story” posted.  I did vow to myself to never get married due to circumstances – it had to be because we were wanting to, it was the right time, etc.  But that’s more a personal reaction to what I went through.

Post # 12
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

Congratulations! How exciting!! Keep us posted 😀

Post # 13
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am so happy you have some plans!  It is a big decision and as long as you both agree that is all that matters.

 

He wants to start going to the gym like mad men so he looks better in the pictures, which I think is absolutely adorable.

Too cute!  My Fiance needs braces (at age 33!) and he’s worried about how it will all look in the photos!

Post # 15
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MerryWidow:  

Congratulations! We’re in a pretty similar situation. I don’t have health insurance either but we were supposed to be getting married this June, so I didn’t worry about it. Since we need to push our wedding back to next June, he wants to go to the courthouse and get me on his insurance. We haven’t completely decided yet though.

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