Post # 17
@SweetMelissa429: So, I’m a Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding in late June and I just got my BFP so I won’t be at the end, but I’ll be showing. I actually posted a thread on this a while back and got some great advice.
First, I will say that I told the bride we were going to be trying and asked her if she would want me to step down or not. She looked at me like I was growing a second head. So all is well, but I would throw it out there to your friend that you are going to be trying. The earlier you do it, the better you both can move on in any circumstance.
Also, do think about the amount you’re going to be able to contribute and be upfront about that. Bachelorette? Rehearsal dinner? Etc. All this stuff would need to be navigated, and if you’re 8 months +, you might be really limited in what you are able/willing to do. So make sure that if you’re going to be super pregnant and not step down that you’re really going to rally and help the bride in the last few weeks.
Anyway, on to the dress: So everyone else was supposed to order their dress by mid January. I put it off to (now) because I knew that I’d either get pregant and be about 24 weeks (which I will be) or we would have to skip Feb TTC for business and I’d be no more than 15 weeks and not showing. Now I have my answer and I’m hoping this little bean sticks!
I’m making an appointment at David’s to try on dresses. I guess you don’t need appointments normally for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, but I want someone to help me figure it out and take their advice. I was told that Davids has a belly that can help with sizing. Apparently, you can also order extra fabric.
I’m hoping that we can figure out the rough size and then alter it into a maternity dress. Of course, my bride didn’t exactly throw me a bone and picked out a fully fitted dress, so we’ll just see how it goes.
Post # 18
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
If your dress is only going to cost $50, I would just order what size I wear now (or maybe a size bigger for a little wiggle room) & eat that cost if I do end up pregnant closer to the wedding & buy a new one, even at $200 in the future if need be because this would kind of be my fault haha, plus I wouldn’t want the bride to stress more so than she already will be as her wedding appoaches! I certainly wouldn’t tell the bride that your TTC though! Good luck 🙂
Post # 19
Unless you have a specific health issue with TTC, then I think waiting a month is not all that much to consider. I, for one, do not take being a bridesmaid lightly- nor did I choose mine lightly. If I’m asked to be there, it’s a true honor and I absolutely will be there every step of the way. My Maid/Matron of Honor did it for me, and I am so appreciative. She will be seven months pregnant at my wedding, but more importantly, she’ll be there.
At the end of the day, you’ll still be able to have your child, and you’ll still be there for your friend.
If that one month buffer is too much for you to even consider, then do this girl a favor and step down now, becasue you’re clearly not that close.
ETA: I would order the dress, and then privately call the shop to order extra fabric. You don’t need to tell her just yet, but I would be upfront with her once you are pregnant. Congratulations on TTC!
Post # 20
This is a tough one. Usually I just say, you’re not pregnant don’t worry about it until you are. And that’s still true, to an extent….it may happen right away, it may happen in a year. That said, I understand that you have to make a decision on the dress NOW, and I would LOVE to have been able to buy a $50 dress for any wedding I was in! I love some of the suggestions:
– Extra fabric
– 2 sizes larger
Can you share the dress with us? That may be really helpful in coming up with the right suggestion.
I don’t love the suggestion to wait to buy the dress, that’s a lot of stress on everyone.
I also do NOT agree that you should wait or schedule TTC around someone else’s wedding. That’s silly, but I do encourage you to deliver the news (if it happens) with a lot of sensitivity. I’m due 5 weeks after Brother-In-Law and FSIL’s wedding, Even though I’m not in the wedding, we still got a crappy and bitter reaction from Future Sister-In-Law…so just be prepared. It’s sometimes hard for a bride to see around the importance of their wedding day or vision to them.
Also, good luck TTC!!
Post # 21
@SweetMelissa429: If the dress is only $50, might I suggest ordering two? You could always sell the one you don’t wear…
Post # 22
@SweetMelissa429: I would order the dress to your current measurements, and cross that bridge when you get to it. It’s $50, which is a factor, and conceiving may take you a while, making it a non issue. When you DO find out you are pregnant, tell the bride as soon as you are comfortable sharing it, so you can figure out your game plan. You may conceive too early to show, you may need to order a new dress or have your current one re-tailored, you may be asked to step down. A nice thing about babies is they take a while, so you’ll have time to sort out a game plan.
Post # 23
@SweetMelissa429: At $50/dress, I’d just order two. One in your current size, and one a few sizes up just in case. If it’s not a god-aweful ugly dress, and something that can be worn again, you can always sell whichever one isn’t used or save them both (and then you’ve got yourself a formal maternity dress for when you do get PG if the need should arise).
FWIW, I’m sort of in the same situation. I have to be in two weddings, exactly 4 weeks apart, this fall. If we start to TTC within the next few months I could potentially be 6-8 months pregnant by the time those weddings come around. While it’s no one’s business when I get pregnant, I did talk to both of my friends about it. The way I see it, if we’re close enough that I’m in your wedding party, we’re close enough to talk about this. Both were THRILLED at the prospect and keep telling me I better be “big as a house at their wedding”…lol. We have been bridesmaid dress shopping, and I talked to the consultant about it. Thankfully, the dress does leave some extra room already just because of the style. Even still, I would know by the month we had to order if I was PG, and if I’m not by then I’ll be ordering just one size up “just in case”. I could potentially get away with my regular size if I did get PG after we ordered (based on the style/cut of the dress) because I’d only be 4-5 months along but I still am not sure if I would chance it.
ETA: Light in the Box is an overseas (Chinese I think?) knock off dress site, where they make replicas. I would assumed that’s why she wants to early so soon, so that you’ve got plenty of time to have them made and shipped.
Post # 24
- Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site
My cousin (who is also one of my best friends and a bridesmaid) had been trying for 18 months to get pregnant, and she finally got pregnant and was very pregnant for my wedding. She was terrified to tell me in case I reacted badly, or asked her to step down, or made a fuss about the dress, becasue lets, face it, we’ve all heard bridezilla stories. Honestly, I’m SO glad she told me right away (we’d already been dress shopping but hadn’t actually placed the order). The only thing it changed for us was that her dress couldn’t be satin like the other girls’ dresses, which I kind of had my heart set on but it wasn’t such a big deal afterall. I was totally elated for her. Also, my photographer made a big production out of it for the photos too, lol.
In your situation, I agree with not saying anything about TTC, but have your ducks in a row for if you DO get pregnant and are very pregnant for the time of the wedding. However, do NOT put your life plans on hold for someone else’s wedding. Worst case, they ask you to step down, but that’s on them, and IMO, would be INCREDIBLY rude. You’d have your own reason to celebrate and they should be happy for you not make your life difficult because you choose to start a family as they are getting married.
Post # 25
- Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site
You could give yourself a month buffer, or even two, if you feel like it, but who says you will carry to term? You can’t really control these things.
Post # 26
Thanks for all of the great suggestions, ladies! At this point, if I am pg, there’s nothing I can do about it now and if I’m not or if it takes a while for us to get there, this may be a moot point. Regardless, it’s an exciting year of weddings for our friends and a potential baby for us and I’m confident that it will all work out just fine. Our friends are so great and I have no doubt that they will be thrilled for us even if I am gigantic for their wedding!
With regard to those who are pro-planning a pregnancy around a wedding – I see your point, I do. But, our reasons for trying now are our own and it’s not up to anyone else what we decide as a married couple. Fortunately, I know my friend and we have a good enough friendship that I am confident that she wouldn’t bat an eye at the notion of me being pregnant at her wedding. I think it’s silly to suggest that we probably aren’t that close if I would choose to TTC and be pregnant for her wedding – true friends embrace huge milestones in each others lives and celebrate them regardless of the circumstances. The purpose of this post wasn’t to debate whether or not I should get pregnant…that’s no one’s call but mine and my husband’s…but rather to see how to handle ordering a dress with the possibility of being pregnant at the time of the wedding.
I appreciate all of the dress related responses, they are truly helpful and I will keep them in mind if the time comes that I need to figure something out!
Post # 27
@Purple_Bride: +1 million to everything you said! Thanks 🙂 And btw, I just saw your post in Feb’s POAS!! Congratulations!! Sticky baby wishes!!
Post # 28
I’ll be 8 months pregnant this June at my best friends’ wedding and I’m a bridesmaid! I’m wearing a maternirty black cockatil bridesmaid dress that fits the rest of the bridesmaids.. I’m a little nervous just beause it’s going to be outdoors, hot, and I don’t know if my feet will be swollen or not in these peep toe high heels she wants us all to wear.. but I wouldn’t miss her day for anything!
Post # 29
@Chelwilly: I think that’s so great! If the bride approves, maybe you could have cute flats as a backup just in case your feet are swollen? Or worst case, have them ready to change into after the wedding? Congratulations to you!
Post # 30
TTC is so hit or miss..it might take years with IVF, you might get pregnant right away and go to term, you might have a MC…so many different possible outcomes. If it were me and I was not specifically trying for a certain month I would TTC until it would put my due date in November… Then during the next two cycles (since a December baby can definitely come early) I would either not try or NTNP…Then after that go back to my normal TTC cycle and if I ended up any level of pregnant during the ceremony-who cares.
I personally would feel very guilty if I accepted being in a wedding then purposefully TTC with a due date within a week or two of the wedding. If you are 9 mo pregnant you will be miserable and if you just had the baby you could potentially have such horrible tears/exhaustion that you would be miserable or have to drop out less than a month before the wedding.
All I am saying is don’t commit to being in a wedding if you can’t commit to being in a wedding.
Post # 31
I can’t imagine ever getting pissed at a bridesmaid for getting pregnant…Seriously pple, this is absurd. OP, if you are TTC, don’t attempt to schedule when you will conceive around a wedding. There’s so many what ifs that it’s best not to drive yourself crazy w/ trying to nail down perfect timing for 1 day.