- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
I am absolutely sick to the stomach with my middle brother at the moment and his wife.. why do family stuff have to be so complicated? I apologise that this post will be long.
My brother is the black sheep of the family and disappeared for a couple of years to sort himself out (drug related) anyway he since what appears to be on the level. He got married in Feb and his wedding, well…. family stepped up alot to help it be an enjoyable day. It was a disorganised shambles and I now realise that not everyone is a Type A with organisation skills. Some people just dont care. Well my brother and his wife fall into that category. We baked cupcakes the day before the wedding at their last minute request because they wanted to get drunk instead, we organised a HAIRDRESSER two days before the wedding because his wife gave up n couldnt be bothered. We arranged the FLORIST the day before the wedding, because she couldnt be bothered and various other things were left until the very last minute.
Can you see where Im going here? Classically lazy and do expect everyone to pick up the pieces
Fast forward to last weekend, I flew up to visit both my brothers (they live 4hrs away) and also to pick up a few wedding things. I couldnt drive as I have a fractured foot and own a manual. My eldest brother was an absolute gem, drove me around, went and did all the errands with me and I was due to catch up with middle brother before flying back on the sunday. (My eldest brother and my middle brother do not talk whatsover due to my middle brothers actions 7 years ago, drug related. They put up with each other, they will be in the same room as each other, but they dont talk.) My eldest brother drove me to my middle brothers apartment and said he would be back in a hr and a half.
During that hr and a half, my Middle brother managed to make me feel guilty about how much money we are spending (12,000) for 150 people. Constantly named the prices of how much every they had cost and what good deal they had (so thats fine, I can cope with that.. im a big girl) and asked how much we spent on catering. And i said we havent, mum and dad are paying for it. And he turned around and called me SPOILT.. say what????
Im not spoilt. I dont live at home. I work very hard for every dollar I have. Im no daddys princess. I paid for my university education BY MYSELF. We have planned the whole wedding with the aim in mind for us paying for every dollar spent. It was only till two months after being 7 months engaged that mum and dad offered to pay for the reception and wouldnt take no for an answer. We ever gratefully accepted.
I was absolutely flawed… Speechless… im still dumbfounded. I just cannot think in what action that he could get that Im spoilt. And im really offended he called me that.
I tried to change the topic and asked if they enjoyed there wedding.. and he said his wife didnt and I said to him.. as a guest we had a great time and I think all the guests did (we really did enjoy the day) and I asked him what his wife didnt like?> He said that she didnt like
- her dress (which is a personal opinion, and I can def understand the feeling on that one)
- the order of the food which it came out (she couldve changed that, if she actually went over the list with the order of food)
- the way the guests left before they came back from photos (the ceremony and the reception were at my parents place and after the ceremony the bridal party took off for two hours for photos and guests were left hanging around)
I was really upset for his wife that she didnt enjoy her day and I made the comment and I feel absolutely stupid for it now.. so this is were the cow bit comes in.
“your wife couldve changed all that if she organised herself a little bit better with the scheduling but still as a guest, we thought it was a great day” Well… that first little section caused an uproar…. he went ballistic and called me a ‘spoilt b!tch” I did apologise for the comment and said I chose the wrong words… I do admit that wasnt the nicest wording I couldve put it. But then he went on to say that I havent made an effort to get to know his wife. I was flawed at that too, because I have made every effort and she has always been stand offish and rude. I always got rebuffed… and well I said so. (So thats the second cow thing I said) and I told him that it was her attitude and not my problem. I did all I can do.
Also when discussing his day, he offended me by saying that our mum was drunk on the day. My mum is a god fearing christian lady, who will only ever have two drinks and never ever gets drunk. I said to him.. she wasnt drunk at all.. and he was like yeah she was.
Well i left.. I called my eldest brother and left. My eldest brother was down there waiting for me in the lobby and when I told him what happened and he noticed I was crying he raced up the stairs to my middle brother and told him whats what. My eldest brother is extremely protective about my mother and any bad word about her he is not happy.
Needless to say, I havent spoken with my middle brother since. I feel bad for those two comments. But not for standing up for my mother, Im proud I did. My mother is extremely upset by my middle brothers comment and I dont actually think she will get over it for awhile.
I am fighting a war in myself to either contact my brother and apologise again OR let him be the first to call and apologise to our mother.
What would you do?
And if your still reading this, thanks for making it through this post!