- 6 years ago
Hi, guys. First post here.
My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s and we’ve been together for 4 years this summer. We’ve been living together for more than a year now. I knew when I met my boyfriend that he could procrastinate a bit, but he’s taken it to new levels over the years.
He spent a year preparing for an entrance exam into grad school when he only needed a few months – and the school heckled him with phone calls and the like (fwiw, school doesn’t cost him a dime. His job pays for it. He has an excellent job, so money is not a concern. I don’t take any money from him, pay all my own bills, contribute to our household funds, etc.).
It’s taken me a while to get to this point. I have been playing with the idea of proposing to him for the last year. At the beginning, I often felt angry and resentful because I just couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t just get it -done with- already. But he’s the same about everything else: dragging his feet on getting a house. Dragging his feet on admissions into grad school. Dragging his feet on proposing, etc, all of it.
It was only recently he started shedding some more light on his stalling: I know he’s nervous. I know he’s clueless about rings (for that matter, so am I: which is why I told him we shouldn’t bother with rings, nor should we bother with a wedding. Courthouse wedding, please!). But, he wants to do all of that: get the rings, have the wedding, etc…
He wants to go look at engagement rings tonight, but it’s something we’ve discussed that perpetually gets put off. He’s looked online a few times. But, it’s grown more promising that he might propose because he brings up rings almost immediately when we get up in the mornings. He talks about it more than I do. But the fact is, if he’s wnting to go and physically look at rings NOW, it’ll probably be at least another 6 months to a year before he buys one.
And who knows how much longer than that before he ever gets around to proposing.
I used to sulk and get annoyed and resentful toward him. I’m done doing that. I’ve been ready to get married for a while, and he claims he would like to get married. Through discussions, I’ve learned that he would LIKE to propose, but frankly that’s kind of secondary if he never actually gets around to taking the steps TO propose…
I figure by proposing, I can pull myself out of the Hellish limbo of wondering whether or not he’ll ever ask me to marry him. I can also, in some ways, reduce the stress of ring-shopping and making a romantic proposal. I know he doesn’t care about buying the ring, having a wedding, etc. – he just feels he’s supposed to and he’s worried about what others will think if he doesn’t follow the tradition.
I have already ordered a plain silver wedding band to act as an engagement ring – I told him I would like it if we BOTH exchanged rings when we get engaged, which he seems fine with.
He loves Thai food. I was planning on decorating our apartment, then making spring rolls, Thai iced tea, peanut curry and Thai curry soup. I ordered Thai fortune rolls, and I plan to remove the message inside of them and add my own “Will you marry me?” bit. Cue romantic music, lots of crying, passionate doing it.
I feel more certain of myself. I am faltering a bit and wondering if I shouldn’t just hold off. I have already invited him to the dinner (in our own apartment, no less). I may leave off the engagement stuff if it looks like a proposal might be imminent. But if not, I was planning to propose to him at the end of the month.
Any other proposal ideas out there? I DID consider hiring a string quartet to play at a park near where we live – he’s never seen a classical quartet before – but figured that spending $500 minimum on a proposal like that is kind of excessive. And it’s a little too public for his tastes.
What say you, ladies?