- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
My dad just left after coming to see me for our obligatory annual family visit. He and I are not close and really haven’t been since my mom passed away about 4 years ago. He said some pretty awful things to me a few weeks after she passed away and nothing has really been the same since.
Normally after our visits I feel relieved that he is gone and then hate myself for it and wish that things could be better between us. Well this time it’s a bit different. I just got engaged really recently so of course this was the first time seeing him since then. He can be really self centered and mostly only wants to talk about what he has been up to and doesn’t really care too much about other (for example, when I got into a really competitive grad school program he actually forgot that I was going back to school a few months later!) Usually I just expect this of him and it doesn’t really bother me. I know it’s not that he doesn’t care about me but he just gets sort of self absorbed being alone all the time.
Well this time, it bothered me. A lot! Everytime I would bring up anything to do with the wedding he would immediately change the subject to how he can’t re-finance his mortgage until April 2013, so the cash flow will be tight until then. Yeah I get it! You don’t have spare cash to pay for a wedding! And I never asked you to pay for my wedding!!! I have told him repeatedly that my Fiance and I plan to pay for it ourselves, that it will not be an expensive affair, and that if he would like/feels able to contribute that is fine, but we have no expectations that he would be paying for all or even most of the costs. I get that it might be stressful for him to think about this because it seems like it is generally accepted that the brides family will foot most of the bill for the wedding, but can’t you just forget about money for 2 seconds and be happy for me?? He didn’t even ask to see my engagement ring. We spent 3 days together without him even looking at it!
And now that he has left I have kind of melted into a puddle of self pity similar to how I felt right after my mom passed away. I think seeing him, and knowing that he really isn’t excited about my engagement or my wedding bothers me so much, because I know my mom’s reaction would have been so different! I just really miss her today. Anyways, I don’t really have a question or anything, but I guess I just needed to vent. And maybe get some advice on how to deal with this, because I really hate to think that my engagement bliss will come crashing down everytime I talk to him!!