- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I’ve been engaged for a few months and have read a lot of posts on the forums but this is my first post, I could really do with some neutral thoughts on a situation that is really bothering me,
I hope if I break the situation down it will make it easier to follow;
My fiancé and I share a lot of mutual friends, some of which are or have been in relationships
We would like some of these friends who have been in relationships (past) in our bridal party.
One of these dear friends was very excited about our engagement initially, then quickly realised the possible bridal party situation (before being asked but it was pretty much a given) and issued an ultimatum, we had to choose between them, she would not be at the wedding if he was (either as bridal party or guest)
As this friend is like a sister to me my immediate response was that of course she would be there, I knew her for a lot longer than my partner and her ex have been friends. After talking with my partner I realised I was wrong to have made such a big decision without talking to him and that he would not be in happy if his friend (ex boyfriend) could not be at the wedding at all. We also realised that we didn’t want to plan our weddding straight away (but hopefully next year sometime) so figured could we not just wait and see what happened over the next few months, who knows, maybe they could find a way to become friends or at least civil.
Next time I spoke to my friend I explained pay fiances thoughts and the response was not good, she feels that my decision is already made for even considering not doing as she asks and has nothing more to say to me and does not want to hear from me again.
I’m really lost and confused. I like her ex as a friend, she was very private about their relationship and I don’t know why they broke up (other than it wasn’t amicable on her part)
Her ex has no idea about any of this, as I mentioned we are not ready to plan a wedding and don’t see any reason to make a fuss over something that I don’t see as being his fault and that is part of the problem- we are fighting for different reasons. I am upset at being dictated to by the last person I expected to do something like this, she is fighting because she things my priorities are wrong.
its been 3 months now and I really miss my friend.
can anyone give me a fresh perspective. Am I in the wrong? Any suggestions on how to fix things?
thanks so much for your time.