(Closed) I miss my friend :-( (Bridal party drama)

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Who is wrong?
    Me : (0 votes)
    My friend : (18 votes)
    86 %
    Both of us : (3 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    323 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think your friend put you in a really unfair position. I think that she should have the maturity to be at the wedding with him there. They don’t have to stand next to each other, for goodness sakes. Unless there was physical violence involved, I really don’t see why she can’t pull it together with him for one day.  

    I think the only thing you did wrong was be well-meaning enough to give in to such a ridiculous demand in the first place. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Mrs2Be2014:  I feel she is in the wrong.You don’t put your friends in this position.I am sorry but I feel she needs to grow up. Your man should not have to give up his choice for her, considering you have no problem with the ex being in the party. I know you miss your friend, but friendships should not be conditional.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7735 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You are right, she is wrong.

    Exes are both at weddings all the time. The obvious example is divorced parents. My parents were married 25+ years and had a bitter divorce. If my parents could tolerate each other at their children’s weddings, I’m sure your friend can.

    The only concession I would make to her is to not “pair” her with her ex as a groomsman. ETA and not sit them too close to each other at the reception.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7219 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Unless you’re 12 years old and getting married on a playground, your friend is being totally immature. Give it a little while and then drop her a line saying you miss her and you don’t want this to come betwen you. Don’t talk about the wedding party issue until you’re actually planning the wedding and it’s a few months out. If she’s still unable to deal with her ex being there, you can deal with it then. But hopefully she’ll have had some time to heal.

    Post # 8
    Member
    323 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Mrs2Be2014: Trust me, everyone has dramas with their weddings. My parents practically disowned me over one point (both parties were in the wrong and we are over it and in some ways i feel bad, but equally their response was like reacting to a scratch with a torpedo). I never thought what is meant to be a happy day could be so stress-inducing. 

    Seriously, if it didn’t matter to everyone else I would be done with the civil marriage. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    She is entirely wrong to expect to dictate who can or cannot come to your wedding. 

    I have an ex and we broke up on not good terms, we’re not friends anymore, and most people don’t know how bad it was, but they know it was bad enough for me to not talk to him anymore.  My friend had a wedding 2 years ago and she texted me to make sure I was Ok with him being there and I said yes of course bc it’s her wedding.  What upset me was that she put us at the same table – I wasn’t expecting that.  I figured that she couldn’t help it, or didn’t think of it, whatever.  No bgi deal, it was one night and I moved on.  Your friend needs to do the same.

    But I think you’re also at fault for telling her something without talking to your Fiance, for making decisions before actually getting down to planning your wedding and maybe not exploring how bad it is for her to see him or be in the same room.  If I were her, I think I’d feel like you were disregarding my feelings and picking Fiance and Xbf over me.  Maybe that would be the wrong way to feel, but I can understand her being hurt for you not taking into consideration her feelings and trying to find out just why it is so bad for her to be in the same room as him for your wedding. 

    Also – you’re partially to fault for letting it get to 3 months without talking to her!  Contact her! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    793 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    My mom and I were invited to the wedding of my ex boyfriend’s little brother. My ex and I were not on speaking terms, but my mom was/is good friends with his mother, so we went. I didn’t talk to him at all (besides saying hi to him in the receiving line because I had to), and it was fine. Even with his wife staring daggers at me. I think your friend is wrong, and she shouldn’t have put you in a situation like this. I agree with PP, just don’t have your friend and her ex paired to walk down the aisle together, and don’t seat them next to each other at the reception. Other than that it should be fine. If she doesn’t want to talk to him, she doesn’t have to!

    Post # 12
    Member
    20 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    She is being childish and unfair.  But you miss your friend…

    I would reach out to her and try to approach the situation in a different way, perhaps by turning the tables around and asking her how would she feel if you fiance agreed not to invite her so that her ex attends… maybe she’ll see how horrible of a position she put you in..

     

    good luck

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