(Closed) I miss my husband so much

posted 6 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

((hugs))  Fingergs crossed for you that you get a phone call today.  SO and I are LDR and he has a bunch of photos/memorabilia of me on his dresser and he mentioned once that it feels like a shrine to a dead wife, so you’re not alone in that feeling.  How much longer is he away?  Maybe get one of your girlfriends to hang out tonight so you’re not feeling so alone?  

Post # 4
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Being apart sucks soooooooo bad. I am sorry you are missing your hubby. πŸ™

I won’t blow sunshine and rainbows by telling you that it gets easier. It doesn’t. It sucks just as much the first time as it does the fifth. But you can and will develop coping mechanisms that help tremendously. If I can offer you a word of advice, it would be to call up one of your girlfriends and make plans to grab a cup of coffee or see a movie or something tonight. Keep busy and set goals for what you want to achieve for yourself while he is gone. It helps fill your time so that you can be happy even when you have to be apart. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
12953 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Aww, I’m sorry!  My BIL was deployed to Iraq right before he and my sister got married, so I saw how much it can hurt when someone you love isn’ close!  It’s so tough, but you’ll get through it.  You have a remarkable husband who is bravely sacrificing for all of us, and I know you’re so proud of him and his committment.  Just keep writing those letters and send them as soon as you have an address; you know he’s doing the same for you and will be so excited to read everytihng you wrote once he finally can get mail again!

Stay strong!

Post # 8
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Awww. I know exactly how you feel. When Darling Husband enlisted, our 3 year anniversary was his first day in basic. We went from seeing each other and speaking every day to not speaking at all. I think he got to call me 3 times in the 2 months he was in BMT. Writing letters every night really helped me cope. I wrote them just like I was talking to him and telling him about me day. I would let him know what I had done that day, what was in the news, if I had heard a song that reminded me of him, I wrote poems, drew him cartoons. I tried my best to write long, detailed letters because he told me that those letters were his lifeline to the outside world and getting them was one of the things that kept him going.

If you haven’t heard from him yet, you probably will soon. They get to call in the first couple weeks and tell you their address. You should be able to send those letters shortly.

As for the separation, for me it did get easier. That’s the honest truth. Do I still get sad when we’re apart for a while? Of course. Does it still hurt to say goodbye? Yep. Is it that same deep depression and loneliness as it was when he first left? No, not even close. A previous bee already said it, but the best thing for you to do is to establish a routine and keep yourself busy. If you sit around in the house all day, you’re just going to dwell on it and you’re going to stay depressed. Join a military support forum (I can recommend a couple. Stay away from MilitarySOS though, those ladies are MEAN.) If he knows what career field he’s joining already, maybe search out a facebook group or forum specifically for that field. Take up a hobby, join a gym… find something to occupy your mind.

I also found that keeping a physical countdown helped me a lot when he was in basic. I made one of those construction paper chains and tore off a link every day. Watching that chain get shorter and shorter really helped me actually see that time was passing and the time until basic was over when getting closer. It kind of helped that feeling of “this is never going to end”.

If you want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I’ve been a military girlfriend, fiancee and wife, so I know what you’re going through.

Post # 9
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@ThePrincessMaggie: Don’t be embarassed. Lots of women grow out of old friendships without having new ones to rely on. It happens. BUT a girl needs friends, good friends who she can call just because. I know it can be hard to make new friends, but it’s worth the effort. Are there any classes you’d be interested in taking? Yoga studios, personal enrichment classes at the community college, etc. are all good opportunities to meet people with similar interests and start new friendships. Or maybe you’ve always wanted to get in shape or take up a new hobby? Sit down and say “Self, what do your REALLY want to be/do?” Your inner voice may point you in some really interesting directions!

Post # 11
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

@lovekiss: I couldn’t agree more. People change and friendships flux in and out but you have to have SOMETHING to keep you busy and keep you meeting new people. If you love reading join a book club, if you love pets volunteer at a local shelter if you have ever wanted to learn to knit or sew or stamp or scrapbook find a local craft group that might be able to help you out. many of them have weekly meetings. Being apart sucks but take some time for your self and you will have a great new hoby to talk about when he gets back.

Post # 12
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

These ladies gave you exceptional advice. Try your best to stay busy, and engaged in other things to keep you busy.

I’ve been there and as bleak as things seem now it gets easier, I promise. If he’s got 7 weeks left he’s probably still in the early stages. Don’t sit around waiting for that phone call. Keep your cell on you, but make sure you’re not letting your life revolve around the possibility of a call.

To ease the loneliness maybe try to reach out to other military wives on a different forum to find some more specialized support. I have a few suggestions if you’d like to PM me πŸ™‚

I hope you’re feeling better!

Post # 13
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

i’m so sorry πŸ™ I’ll be in the same boat in a few months and i’m dreading it! stay strong!

Post # 14
Member
3151 posts
Sugar bee

I am going into active duty Air Force and can’t stand the thought of putting my Darling Husband through this, or going through this myself. It is such a hard life, but try to find people who know what you are going through and join up with other spouses who are going through the same thing and lean on them. People who haven’t gone through that type of thing just don’t understand and never can. 

I second keeping yourself busy with hobies and work! Try to do things that make you happy that get put on the backburner when your SO is home. 

 

Post # 15
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@ThePrincessMaggie:  I’ve been in your boat and know how hard it is.  The one thing I wish I would have done is to have stayed busier…I spent too much time sad and depressed at home.  Staying busy would have made the months apart go MUCH easier.  We’re here if you need to chat!

Post # 16
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry that you can’t be together. I saw a really cute way to count down to being reunited. Get two clear vases and those aquarium marbles. Label one “Days Down” and the other “Days Remaining.” The more the marbles fill up the “days down” vase, you’ll feel like you’re getting closer and closer to being reunited.

Hope the Hive can help you feel a little better during this time. Don’t get too hard on yourself – It’s okay to feel sad about the distance, but try to stay busy.

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