Post # 1
I had REALLY good intentions to attend the holiday office party this past Saturday.
SO and I had a few drinks watching the Heisman ceremony, and we were going to call a cab and then decided that we just wanted to bail out on the party. It was put on by someone I work with who is ALWAYS throwing parties (We have been to 6 in the last 6 months alone, she’s ALWAYS having parties), it was storming and we didn’t want to pay for a cab. The host lives 20 mins outside of our city and her way to cut down the drinking and driving was to just have people spend the night. Because of our dogs we decided to just say ‘no thanks’ to that option.
And now I’m feeling guilty and upset. Today one of my friends who I work with said that the host was upset and said ‘Why say you are going to attend if you are going to bail’. I did send a text, and I’ve made a point to go to the other parties-Now I feel like I’d rather NOT get an invite and if I do in the future, I’m just going to say that I might be a ‘no’ but I’ll do my best to make it, because to me, parties are supposed to be fun and I feel stressed out even if I attend or say I might not attend because it’s all ‘why can’t you come?!?’ UGH. I don’t usually make it a point to flake out and now I’m questioning it all! When I throw parties, I could care less who attended and who didn’t, what gives?!?
Anyone else feel like this at all?
Post # 3
Maybe she had purchased a certain amount of food and drinks based on how many people said they would be there? Things come up and that’s understandable, but I think saying that you don’t want to RSVP to any more parties because it “stresses you out” is a little silly.
Post # 4
@cmbr: No, it’s this particular hostess that stresses me out. I always RSVP, and I almost always say yes. It stresses me out that when I said ‘no’ once in the past, I had to ‘answer’ to her and come up with an excuse because ‘no’ wasn’t good enough (What?!?! It was a party where she was selling cooking items!!)
And then this is the FIRST party I’ve ever not attended of hers where I said I would. It’s just weird to me. I just don’t take things that personal when I’ve planned parties, and yes I’ve had leftovers, and I just have just either given it away with the guests when they leave or brought it to work for everyone else to enjoy so that is not a valid excuse for me at all.
Post # 5
Good intentions don’t eat the food she bought based on your RSVP. She has a right to be miffed that you didn’t show. You have a right to just say NO next time if you don’t like going out.
Post # 6
@almostmrsj: Yes, I think that’s what I’m going to do from now.
Perhaps my question should be more of: What do I tell her when she asks ‘why can’t I come?’ Why do I need an excuse? Is it normal to get offended if people can’t attend parties? I’ve just never cared this much I guess
Post # 7
@veryberry13: There’s always pressure to do useless office social crap. I don’t have to like it, but I do consider it part of my job. That’s the only way I can convince myself to participate when I’d rather scratch my own eyes out. During business hours and after work is bad enough, but on a Saturday? I would have declined too.
Having said that, it is a bit rude to decline at the last minute. Hosts plan around guest numbers – at least I do – and it’s nice to know in advance. This wasn’t an emergency, you just decided not to go. Giving her more of a heads up would have been appreciated I’m sure.
Post # 8
She sounds like a seriously Crazy Daisy! I definitely don’t think you did anything wrong!
Post # 9
@MrsPanda99: Yes I cringe at Saturday parties as well.
I should add that I work at an auto insurance company-and I got upset that this person was having a party where lots of drinking would be happening and her way to solve the drinking and driving issue was to have people ‘spend the night’. Some of these people have kids, serious careers, and many people went and decided to drink and drive!! I know what people do is their business, but I just feel like it’s not right at all. I suppose now that I’m older and thankful I never got a DUI, I just don’t want to be in that situation Then I’m afraid if I say that I’m the one who is being a debbie downer or something.
@BrandNewBride: Thanks for your support!
Post # 10
Sorry but if you RSVP yes and bail, the host is allowed to be a little PO’d imo. It’s kind of lame to be like “I’d rather not get an invite so that I don’t get in trouble if I want to flake out”.
Post # 11
@MrsPanda99: Lol. I feel the same way about office parties. Ugh!
@veryberry13: Hugs! I don’t think you should feel bad, you had a legitimate reason for bailing. You could always say you suddenly came down with a raging fever and were concerned about being contagious. 😉
Post # 12
I suppose after re-reading the comments I can see your points here.
What do you suggest in terms of making it up and smoothing it over?
Post # 13
@veryberry13: Have you apologized to her in person yet? That would be the first thing I would do. I wouldn’t make up excuses either- just tell her the truth, you had a few drinks and realized you shouldn’t be driving.
I would be miffed too if someone bailed last minute and I have actually been in a position where someone has done this. It’s hard not to take it personally when you invite someone, they say yes, and then duck out without a good reason.
I think it’s annoying that she hounds you if you say no but I also think it’s annoying to say “maybe” to an invite. How can she plan a party based on maybes?
Post # 14
@MrsBeck: Yes, apologized in person this morning and offered to buy lunch on Wed for our at work office party (we have a LOT of parties lol). We then took a walk around our office building and she debriefed and told me all the details of the party.
I told her about the drinking/driving on Sat night, I was honest about it. I live in a smaller town and it’s not always easy to get a cab to go out to her house in the country, so she was understanding for the most part.
I’ve never said ‘maybe’ to an invite, but I did say ‘no’ to a party 4 or so months ago, and I didn’t really want to go (it was a tastefully simple party, not sure if you are familiar), and she was def like ‘oh no, why not, you have to be there’. I ended up spending so much $$ on food seasonings and stuff because I didn’t want to go.
I’m just feeling guilty for the most part about not going, but also upset because of how impossible it feels to say no sometimes as well. Seriously, the only way this person won’t take offense to a ‘no’ is if you’ve had a death in the family or you are on vacation, so I suppose that is what my complaint is about more or less.
Post # 15
@veryberry13: ANd this is why I never went to any social gatherings when I worked in an office. I didn’t care if people thought I was anti-social or whatever. I was super nice to everyone at work during work hours but said “Sorry, can’t” to every event no matter who was inviting me. One lady invited EVERYONE to her daughter’s quince (like a sweet 16) and even though I said i couldn’t make it, she snubbed me along with all the people who said they would and bailed.
I would pick ONE dinner ONCE a year and go to that so everyone would leave me alone for a while. It had to be near work, during my work hours (I worked the swing shift, usually 4pm-midnight) and not celebrating anyone in particular (so it didn’t look like I was celebrating A’s birthday but not B’s bridal shower). That group got together a LOT, so if they had drinks & dinner at one of the restaurants on the block, I’d go during my dinner break, socialize for 45 minutes and then- oh sad- have to run back to work. done and done.
Post # 16
Sounds like she said it casually to someone else. She’ll get over it. So should you.