(Closed) I must be a terrible bride!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@s2bmrscook:  I think this is regional. Where I’m from, bridesmaids pay for all their own sh*t. Sometimes a bride may pay for the dress or hair/makeup in lieu of a physical gift maybe, but it’s not typical. I’ve always paid for my own dresses etc. And never complained about it (I’ve never had an unreasonable bride say pay $500 for something hideous, so I may have complained about that, lol, but $200 for a classy dress, sure, of course, that’s what being a bridesmaid is…)

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

How you’re doing it sounds pretty typical for my area too. Keep in mind though that this is an international board – if you were in the UK it would be unheard of to have your BMs pay for their own dress. And the only time on these boards I ever see someone tell the bride they need to pay for their BMs hair, makeup, etc., is when they are requiring them to have the hair/makeup done professionally. I guess I’m really not sure what threads you’re talking about that would imply a bride should pay for these things unless she’s choosing a crazy expensive dress or telling them it’s mandatory to have their hair and makeup done professionaly, neither of which are the case with your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What you did sounds normal to me. I expect to pay for my own Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that the bride selects, but I don’t expect to be required to pay for hair and makeup. 

Post # 8
Member
4062 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m just as bad as you, if not worse. 

My girls are all wearing the same dress (their choice) and they are paying for it 

i told them to wear silver shoes they already have

they are wearing whatever jewelry they want/already own

i’m having a destination wedding in Scotland so they are all paying for flight, hotel, food, etc for many days

i am paying for hair and makeup for them but its all I’m paying for. 

Post # 9
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@s2bmrscook:  I agree with you – i am doing the same thing – they are paying for all their dresses – they can wear whatever shoes, do their makeup how they want and their hair how they want.  The only thing I am paying for is their gifts that I am giving them – swarovski bracelets.

Post # 10
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The finances of the bridesmaids should be something agreed upon between the bride and her attendants.

*************

Though I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for a sappy bride who comes on here to complain that she has a recently-unemployed bridesmaid who cannot afford a dress and shoes.  I try to stay out of those threads and let the weddingbee wolves handle those…..

Post # 11
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Nope, as a Bridesmaid or Best Man I had always paid for my own stuff.  As a bride, I am asking my girls to do the same.  I will add that I have tried very hard to keep the cost as low as possible (dress for $50, shoes for $25, letting them figure out their hair and makeup based on what I’ve told them I want, etc.) I mean unless you’re being just obnoxious with the cost of the things you’ve picked out, where I’m from, it’s perfectly acceptable to expect the BM’s/GM’s to pay for their stuff.  If I were able to, I would try and buy more things for them, but I’m pushing our budget to the limit as it is .

Post # 13
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think anything more than paying for a dress is an undue burden on the bridesmaids. I’ve never heard someone say that a bride should always buy the dresses. But hair, makeup, shoes should all be the bride (if they are required). They are doing a courtesy to you by being in your wedding. 

ETA: if you want a ridiculous dress, you should pay a portion so that the price of the dress is reasonable. If you pick a 300 dollar dress, I think bride should pay half. If bride cant do that, she can pick something cheaper. 

Post # 14
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t think anything you did goes against what people who are bridesmaids complain about.  In the US it is perfectly acceptable that your bridesmaids buy their own dresses and that the bride picks them out.  Etiquette says that if you require your bridesmaids to get their hair & makeup done, you should pay for it (which it sounds like you didn’t require it). If it’s an option for the bridesmaids, they can be assumed to pay.

I think traditionally you are supposed to pay for their lodging, but I agree that if the bride pays for it these days that is any extra treat.

So no you are not a terrible bride, though I wonder what your motivation is for writing this post.  It seems like it’s just going to stir up unnecessary drama.

Post # 15
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have never heard of brides paying for these things until I joined the bee. Bridesmaids in my area pay for the dress, all accessornail snails, hair, makeup etc. Many times a bride might pay for one of those things as the gift to her bridal party. I’m buying my girls clutches with essentials for the day inside, other than that, their paying for everything, and no one thought anything of it since it is the norm here.

 

Post # 16
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@JaneyDcat:  Though I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for a sappy bride who comes on here to complain that she has a recently-unemployed bridesmaid who cannot afford a dress and shoes. 

True. My Maid/Matron of Honor had lost her job and also recently left her abusive baby’s father…I paid for her stuff. I think it would of been pretty heartless of me to b**** about how her issues were affecting my special day and how she needed to figure it out. There’s definitely exceptions to the BMs paying for their dress rule.

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