(Closed) i need a little advice…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just enjoy your time with him and stop obsessing over a proposal – he Wants you to be surprised, not anticipating it! And just remind yourself that he loves you for you, so continue your life and wait patiently because the moment will come 🙂

Post # 4
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@radar:  I tend to agree with the prior poster.  If you are talking about it continually, you actually may be causing him to delay his proposal, since he likely wants to surprise you, not have you wondering every minute of every day if that will be the moment. 

I do, however, understand a bit of how you’re feeling, given that my Darling Husband and I had an LDR.  Although he proposed just five months after our first date, he told me much earlier than that that he wanted to marry me, and he was just waiting on me to say that it was OK with me for him to move forward with his plans. Once we chose the ring, I knew the proposal would be forthcoming soon, and, because we only saw each other two or three times a month for a few hours at a time, I was constantly suspicious that every time I saw him could be the time he would propose.

Post # 6
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

You could try thinking about it this way: 

He’s either going to propose to you or not.

If he ISN’T going to:

a) you bothered him about it and now you look sort of silly

b) you didn’t bother him about it and now you have your pride and a chance to think about what to say to him in a serious conversation about your needs, etc. etc.

If he IS going to:

a/b) he will!!!!!!

So…. there are 2 possible positive results if you don’t pester him, and there is 1 possible positive result if you do. 

Post # 7
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think he will ask you whilst you’re still talking about it!! 

 

so….. Every time you want to talk about it remind yourself that you could be jeopardising your proposal! I reckon that might work!!

also, could he have brought the ring with him to show his parents? If he says he is ready then he is ready, try not to look for other meanings, he has the ring it will happen, you just need to stop talking about it and do your best not to think about it and I bet it will happen.

hang in there…. And zip your lips!!!

Post # 8
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I agree with Pinkrefresher, I seriously doubt that he will ask while you are talking about it.  I am sure he wants to surprise you.  Further, continuing to beat a dead horse after he already has the ring may come across as “pressure.”  

I remember talking to a couple of my guy friends (on seperate occassions) about their prosposals.  Both stressed the idea that their proposals were a complete surprise to their (now) wives, and that although they had talked marriage, proposing was completely their idea.  Now, I am not saying that they are 100% correct in their perception of realityLaughing (aka, I know one of the gals quite well, and I can tell you that her hubby didn’t have a chance at NOT proposing, hehe), but this does lead me to believe that in order for a little bit of healthy “man ego” to take place, you have to let him take the reins on the actual timing and how he wants to ask.  You want him to be happy and proud that he asked, right?

Hang in there!  If he already has the ring, it is only a matter of time.

Post # 9
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@radar:  A proposal is really one of the only times in your life where you have to take a step back and let your guy take the reins completely. You can’t control when he proposes, how he proposes, or if he proposes. He needs to feel ready for that next step. Having the ring is a positive sign, but is doesn’t mean he’s ready right now. It could be that something is holding him back or that he has a very specific plan in mind and doesn’t want to ruin it.

That said, what you can control is your own reaction to the situation. A PP mentioned that you can pester him all you want, but it’s only going to make him feel pressured. Your guy fell in love with you because you are a beautiful and confident woman who brings out the best in him. I would suggest showing him that you are still that confident woman by backing off for a bit and focusing on yourself.

Do you have hobbies that you enjoy? Spend time doing that or join a club or group in your area dedicated to that hobby. Have family or friends you haven’t seen in a while? Make plans to go see them soon. Want to further your education or start a new career? Look into the schools in your area and whether you’d like to start taking classes. Keep yourself busy. It’ll make the wait seem shorter and easier to deal with and it’ll help you grow as a person.

You can also see about planning sweet little romantic gestures for him if you want (to show that you’re sorry for pestering him and that you love him very much). Surprise him with his favorite food or dessert, take him to see a movie he really wants to see, or just buy him a little something just to make him smile. You can even do this if you guys are long distance too; you can randomly send a care package filled with treats, a love letter, or setup a romantic skype dinner date.

Post # 10
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Give him time and just force yourself to focus on other things. Now Fiance and I went on a 13 day trip– just me, him, and the ring (not our suitcases– they didn’t make it, but that is another story). I knew the ring was with us. First 5 days were rough. He had a shiny thing and I wanted it. Everyone on facebook was getting engaged and we already agreed to spend the rest of our lives together. I wanted the ring (not my most mature moment). It was all I could think about. The next 3 days were also long, but we were having a lot of fun and I had kind of given up stressing over it. He ended up proposing at the end of the 8th day and it was wonderful. I honestly was not expecting it at that moment. My nails were chipped, I was sweaty, and I was so in the moment I forgot about the ring.

So give him time. It may still happen in a day or two. Keep us posted!

Post # 11
Member
39 posts
Newbee

@radar:  Honey, I completely agree that is it super hard to stay quiet about it, especially when you are in a LDR (its not something you want to talk on the phone about).  I am in sort of the same boat, except I don’t know if he has even looked at rings yet. So take comfort in the fact that you know about the ring already and that means he is going to do it sometime. I found that it was easier to stay quiet about it when I was around other family members and not just the 2 of us by ourselves. In my case he was only able to come home for Christmas eve and Christmas day though, so not too long to have to hold out. Also, try to make sure that everything you say while around him gets filtered before coming out of your mouth, in other words, think carefully before you speak. I know it is very difficult but remember that you can’t take it back once it has left your mouth. 

Stay positive and enjoy your time together! I know how you feel and am sending prayers your way 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@radar:  I love that last little sentence you wrote: “I’m like it doesn’t need to be a prefect proposal what makes it perfect is him not everything else.” I feel like that’s an extremely positive and healthy way of looking at the situation. Keep doing your best and I hope we see an engagement update soon!

Post # 16
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

(((((Hugs)))))) radar.

You can do it!! Maybe just apologise to him and tell him you are going to shut up. Then every time you get the urge just post on this thread.  I have a feeling you won’t be waiting long if you can just keep quiet for a little while…..

 

hang in there!!!

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