(Closed) I need a rant!!!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

……Well, I’m going to judge, because he’s acting like an asshole. Unless you held a gun to his head, he wasn’t forced to buy you that ring or propose, so I’m not sure why he htinks he gets to lord it over you forever.

It sounds like he was unhappy with things in your relationship, and for some reason thought getting engaged would make that all go away automatically?

I would flat out say to him that your ring and engagement aren’t bargaining chips in your relaitonship issues, and if he’s going to keep throwing it in your face he can have it back.

Post # 3
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee

This doesn’t bode well…

Post # 6
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

He cannot hold that engagement ring over your head like that! That is NOT ok. My Fiance tried to do that once and to make a point, I took it off and told him if that’s how he really feels that he can return it. He understood that what he said was wrong and that by saying that, when I looked down at the ring I felt resentment and that’s not ok.

He is being an asshole and you need to sit down and tell him it’s not ok to hold the engagement ring over your head, you’re not sure why he’s acting like this and it needs to be resolved before you set a date. It’s not ok that you guys are fighting like this.

Post # 7
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It seems like since he got you an expensive gift, an engagement ring, that he feels some sort of power over you?

Is there something prohibiting him from driving? I feel like that is a power struggle in it’s own and may take away some independence from him. Now that he has gotten you something, he may feel like you are in debt to him in some way? 

Either way, his communication with you is shit and I think you guys need to learn how to express your emotions in a healthy way.

Post # 10
Member
941 posts
Busy bee

mrsredley:  yeah, no chance would I deal with this. When you give a gift it is supposed to be done with a loving heart. Not a reason to make someone feel like crap every time they get upset with you. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I would be shoving that ring so far down his throat. Nope, dude now it’s your ring again. 

Post # 11
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

You’ve been together for 8 years and you say you’ve never seen him like this before. Clearly something is up. You need to talk to him about it (in a very non-argumentative way). Just tell him that his actions lately are very out of character and you’d like to know what’s going through his head. Whenever I’m upset or acting weird, my Fiance sweetly says “let me see your brain” and it honestly helps me open up and know that I can talk to him, so maybe do the same for your Fiance. Tell him it’s okay to let you in.

Post # 11
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Ummmm…… I would not marry this man.

He calls you a selfish cow???? If my husband EVER uttered something so awful at me, even once, I’d be packing my bags. Demanding you get up at ungodly hours so he can go fishing? Yelling at you for not moving HIS fishing rods? Holding an egagement ring over your head so you have to bend over backwards at his every beck and call?

Getting mad at you for being nervous about surgery?????

Honey….. Please reconsider this engagement.

Post # 13
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

mrsredley:  If he doesn’t want to marry you, then it’s better to know that NOW. 

Don’t say it to him in anger during a fight. Sit him down when you are both calm and say “I’ve noticed lately that you’ve been bringing up the cost of my ring, etc a lot. It makes me feel like XYZ when you do that, and it hurts. If there’s problem sin our relationship I want to work on them, but I won’t allow you to throw our engagement, or my ring in my face when you’re angry. it’ s hurtful and it taints what is supposed ot be a happy thing”

Post # 14
Member
1452 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know what it is about becoming engaged but some people seem to go through this with their FIs.  My own Darling Husband, who normally is the sweetest kindest man who would do anything for me, behaved somewhat similarly like your Fiance.  My Darling Husband would get SO angry over the smallest/dumbest shit and then would flip out if we have an argument saying things like “there’s no way I want to get married to you if it’s going to be like this” blah blah blah.  I think its the fear of marriage becoming a reality that gets to some people.

Now that we have been married all of those horrid ridiculous behaviors have stopped and our relationship is so much stronger than before.  If anything, my Darling Husband has taken all of his experiences (of losing it) as life lessons he needed to learn and has become an even better man than he was before we were engaged.

It is very painful and confusing to be where you are.  But what worked best for me in those situations were to NOT get triggered into acting inappropriately myself (I know it’s really tough to do!), try to express love to him if you can (but leave the room ASAP if he keeps attacking you), and take incredible care of yourself while keeping the faith that “we are much better than this and will get through it.”

If your Fiance is truly the man for you, then keep the faith that this too shall pass because it will.  But it is super important for you to maintain firm boundaries with him as to what is/isn’t appropriate behavior.  Don’t engage in fighting with him but absolutely do not take his shit.

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