(Closed) I need advice

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Couples therapy.

Post # 5
2892 posts
Sugar bee

You say you’re aware of the love you should have been showing her but failed to show her. Are you showing it to her now? A relationship is a two way street. You make it sound like she’s aware of what she did wrong and has displayed through her words and actions that she is sorry and loves you. But what have you done? If you loved her like you should be that love will be reciprocated and in turn strengthen your relationship. And when your relationship is strong there is no reason to worry about whether or not your partner will stray from the path.

I think you shouldn’t be worrying about whether or not she can be truly regretful and work on how you can properly feed your relationship with your own love as you admitedly said that you failed to do for 5 years. You have a starving relationship. If YOU don’t feed it, it will die. Take a hard look and what YOU can do and how YOU can make up for all those years of neglect. The rest may just follow naturally.

Couples therapy will work wonders for you guys. Seriously. Hope you work things out.

Post # 6
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It seems neither of you trust each other. That won’t make for a happy or successful marriage, much less bringing another child into the situation. Do you mind me asking how old the both of you are? You’ve been together 5 years, where you both young when you got together?

I would most certainly recommend working on your trust issues before making any hasty decisions about marriage or another child.

Good luck.

Post # 7
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

The other guy compliments your girl and has said to he he loved her and she replied by saying she loved him too. Honestly, if she wanted to be with him, she would be.

But she apologized and is making every effort to show you that you’re the one she wants.

I’m not saying that this fact erases it all. Just saying that it shows that she does want to be with you and from there, you need to decide if you want to be with her as well.

If you do, decide together how you are going to become better partners for each other. You go to couples therapy and try to work it out together as you are a family with a child.

Post # 10
429 posts
Helper bee

how bout you say soorry to her for the negleted 5 years and start fresh and make it up to her. make her feel speacial everyday. 

Post # 11
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m going way out on a limb here…

I totally think you guys will be okay.  Definitely go to couple’s therapy and hash this whole thing out.  Get everything out on the table, leave no detail unsaid, and make your relationship completely transparent.  Trust can be regained, but you both have to earn it.  If one is upset those hurt feelings are going to be triggered and the other is going to have to work all the more on healing those wounds. 

My amazing, loving, patient, and exasperating Darling Husband crossed a line before we were married through an email to another woman… it was friendly, but too friendly… and I was hurt.  We decided to try couple’s counseling.  But that’s just a start.  You each have to be willing to express your love in the ways that are meaningful to your partner (and figure out what those ways are) while at the same time accepting that a lack of trust exists for as long as it takes to heal it and move beyond it.  And you can’t decide for the other when the “moving-on” time is. 

And I believe she can truly regret getting caught-up in attention from someone else BECAUSE SHE WANTS THAT ATTENTION FROM YOU.  When he seemed so into someone else and I had been feeling neglected, it cut deep.  At the time I didn’t realize how vunerable I was… and although I would not have acted on it, I appreciated other men flirting with me.  Totally projecting my feelings onto her actions, but I think if she was getting her emotional needs met through you, she wouldn’t have given someone else the time of day. 

You both could take this as an opportunity to better understand how to meet the other person’s needs.  Communication isn’t just when you have to sit down and have the serious talks.  It’s the various ways we express ourselves, verbally and non-verbally.  Sometimes we recieve those messages differently.  If you are willing to express yourself in the way she needs and she is willing to appreciate those ways you show your feelings that aren’t neccessarily “romantic”… the compromise can be beautiful.  You have insight now… don’t give up yet.

Post # 12
383 posts
Helper bee

shouldn’t be this difficult. 

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