(Closed) I need advice.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would say ask her to step down. If you paid for her flight and her dress and she can’t even be there with you prior to your wedding for the festivities, I would say she doesn’t care too much about the friendship. Did she say why she wasn’t coming in to town early? Did something come up or is she just being mean?

Post # 4
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I guess it would depend what happened when you had a “falling out”. If  you honestly don’t think you will repair your friendship with her then I would just ask her if she really wants to come and give her an out if she would like. That seems like a very stressful day for the both of you, but if she is willing to come then I would let her.

Post # 5
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I think you can gracefully offer an way out.   Bridal party demotions don’t seem to go so well, but I think that you can express concern about the responsibilities being a burden on her.  She may be grateful that you recognize this and may opt to step back.


Post # 7
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would ask her to step down if you’re sure the fallout you had officially changed your friendship. If you truly don’t believe it’s ever going to be the same again, and she’s clearly not excited about being in the wedding, then offer her a way out. If you want to repair the friendship and think you could go back to how it was, then find a way to come to terms with her not being there.

Coming from somewhere who’s been there, I’d do some soul searching before making a choice, because you don’t want to regret it. Good luck!

Post # 8
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would NOT ask her to step down. You paid for her flight, but who is paying for her food and lodging while she is there? Who would be paying for her to go out for your bachelorette party? Is she taking time off work to be there early that she can’t afford?

I would MAYBE find a way to gracefully let her know that if it’s too much you’d understand her not being there, but not because you feel like she’s bailing out.

You say you hardly talk to her…are you reaching out to her too?

Post # 10
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would not ask her to step down, it’s late in the game and everything’s paid for.

I would try to have an honest talk with her about what’s going on in your friendship. It seems like there’s hesitancy or unsaid bad feelings between you if you’re paying for everything and yet she still doesnt want to come early.

Good luck!

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