Post # 1
I’m not yet engaged but my boyfriend of 3.5 years constantly talks about us getting married since we started dating. We have a child togethere and have been living together for 3 yrs. he has 3 other kids by 2 different women which causes tension in our relationship. The main thing that is bothering me is 2 yrs ago he revealed to me that he would be investing into a strip club which he is the owner and that he would be extremely lucritive. I was so disappointed and upset and I told him that I am very unhappy with decision. He said that he is still going through with it because he had already invested his life savings into this strip club so he can not give up on it. We have argued about this issue many times but it still hasn’t shanked anything. Within the next two months the strip club will be open for business. I’m so disgusted with him because he does not care about exploiting women for money and I did not know that he would consider doing a raunchy type of business like this. It’s one thing when you go to the club as a form of entertainment, but another when you own the strip club and now it is a part of your life style. In my eyes a strip club owner is no different from a pimp! I always tell him that I can’t marry a strip club owner because I don’t want that to be my life.
Post # 3
It sounds like you care for him but if you clearly don’t like what he is doing then you need to leave. I’m sorry if that is too forward but I think you have answered your question already.
Post # 4
to me it just seems like you went into this relationship knowing this man had 3 kids by 2 women and he would be investing in a strip club. 2 things you werent exactly on board with but you stayed anyway, if it was a dealbreaker you shouldntve continued with the relationship, but now that you have a child together it complicates things. either you accept this is the way it will be or move on.
side note: a strip club owner is nothing like a pimp. strippers have free will and get paid pretty well compared to a hooker who has to hand over all her earnings to her pimp. there is no protection there with a hooker, who can easily be killed by a john or her pimp. strippers are proteccted. just pointing out the differences there. as i am a visitor of such clubs.
maybe if you seen the business firsthand and met the women there your outlook would be different. are you worried that you cant trust him? or about the women who work at these clubs? i personally dont see it as a big deal, that kindof business can only benefit your family financially as it is lucrative.
Post # 5
It sounds like you have a pretty strong feelings about this and have made your feelings clear, yet your boyfriend is moving ahead with this. I say even if it sucks may be time to follow your gut, which would be leaving that situation if it can’t be resolved in a way that is respectful to you.
Post # 6
It seems like you have some really strong opinions on this, and they are somewhat valid. The analogy that a strip club owner is like a pimp couldn’t be more off, but other than that, I see your point. But I see his point as well. Do you want him to walk away from his life savings and lose everything? I guess what I’m wondering is what you’re looking for in posting this. Do you want validation that he should leave everything behind?
I think you should sit down with him and tell him how you really feel, calmly and without utimatums or saying he’s similiar to a pimp. Maybe you can come to some sort of agreement like, when he recoups his investment, he sells his share in the club and he picks a more wholesome business that you will support him in.
Honestly, I don’t think you should even be thinking of getting engaged at this point. If you don’t support his career choice, it’s going to be hard to show you support him 100% in the marriage.
A friend of mine wrote her graduate thesis on the motivations of strippers and why people do it, and she found that most of them enjoy it and enjoy the money. They don’t feel degraded, exploited, or humiliated. They choose to partake in stripping. A pimp forces someone into the situation with threats or actual use of violence, extortion, and extreme control. Pimps often use drugs as a method of controlling their prositutes. So unless your SO is drugging, exploiting, threatening, and forcing the women into a situation they didn’t sign up for, then there is no reason to make the analogy of a pimp. (For the record, I’m not saying he’s doing any of these things, I’m trying to show how the analogy doesn’t hold water)!.
Post # 7
You need to figure out if you are willing to change your values.