Post # 1
Ok, so my boss has been extremely hostile toward me. Today she began a conversation with, “So I understand that you haven’t been doing these weekly updates?” with a really nasty look on her face.
Before I get too far into it, I’d like to point out that my job is 1. boring, 2. very easy for someone who can type pretty quickly and think on their toes, and 3. something that I can do in my sleep. So it was news to me that I “hadn’t been doing these updates” because I have in fact been doing them for months on end now! We established a process, milestones, and reports–I’ve been using and following all of that. The manager I support made a few casual comments about some of the updates to another manager and that trickled to my manager.
The problem is her approach. I’m all for constructive criticism, but she draws her sword and takes a swing long before she even knows if there’s an issue. In this case (as well as other times we’ve had the same sort of situation where it’s all heresay or miscommunication), she assumed I’m not doing my job and was ready to reprimand me without even taking into consideration that I hadn’t had a chance to tell her about what exactly my job entails (we almost never work together and I see her about 1 time a week if that).
This is the second time that she has pulled out this attitude in a public manner with ample amounts of hostility (and I just had a super shining annual review less than a month ago).
If you were me, what would you do? I’m completely intimidated by her at this point and don’t feel comfortable talking to her about the situation because I don’t feel like she takes criticism well. Should I go to her boss and talk to him about it? In our group (the people she ‘manages’) she has her favorites and her non-favorites. I’m pretty sure I fall in the non-favorite category and I’m not entirely sure why.
I’m 23, have a masters degree, and have taught myself how to do my job. I’m kind of intimidating to most of the 50+-somethings that I work with, but does that make it ok for anyone, especially my boss, to be so inappropriate? Especially with my direct coworkers sitting in the same room!!!
I just don’t know what I should do, but I do know I want it to stop.
Post # 3
You know what? I’ve been in your position and it sucks but some bosses are a**holes and you’re not going to change that by saying anything. Your boss’s approach sucks, but you just said yourself – there are favorites and you aren’t one of them. That happens. It’s not going anywhere. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel, but unless there is a really blatant HR violation going on, which in this instance there isn’t (you just don’t like your boss’s approach/managerial style/tone) you just have to suck it up.
Post # 4
i’m sorry your boss is being so condescending – that doesn’t sound like fun at all. i would NOT recommend going above her head to talk to her boss. the only thing that can come out of that is her being more angry towards you and more unwanted drama. as much as it sucks, you should probably request a one-on-one meeting with her and just say something along the lines of, “i feel like you think i’m not meeting expectations. i want to make sure we’re on the same page of what you expect out of me because i feel that other people think i’m on track.” on top of that, i would keep her in the loop on literally EVERYTHING you’re doing. copy her on all emails, call her to give her updates, etc. etc. i’ve been through this situation once with an old boss, and the more i inundated him with information on how much i was actually doing, the less he talked to me about my progress. good luck!!
Post # 5
Can I say something? It sounded like one of those work situations where poop rolls downhill. She probably got into trouble on a higher level for something and is making a show (by making you look like a fool in front of your coworkers) to cover her mistake – maybe she’s not analyzing those reports, or worse not even knowing how to? You sound like a force to be reckoned with (23 and masters?? Good for you!!). That could intimidate anyone.
Keep your head up!
Post # 6
@meggyo–reading your response was like meeting my husband. It just made sense to me. As much as I don’t want to do it, I think I have to talk to her about it. She’s taking tomorrow off, so at least I have the weekend to mull it over and work up some back bone. Hopefully I can express to her how her approach makes me feel and not offend her!! And not cry (I cry when I’m frustrated).
Thank you for responding!! I’m gonna go put on my big girl panties and buck up.
Post # 7
@Sarah–I am a force!! 🙂 Ok, enough horn tooting…I might be a force, but she’s definitely backed me in a corner and I’m searching for the hole to hide in. I think she doesn’t like to be caught offguard and if one single person mentions that they don’t think I’m doing something right, she pulls out the sword and starts slicing away. The public humiliation has to stop–it doesn’t just embarrass me! Several of my coworkers have been embarrassed just to be in the room and have to witness the shuffle. It’s not often that I do something wrong (in fact, I can think of only two times that I messed something up and those were typos–nothing serious), so it seems like she’s just looking for me to fail! I don’t like people like that!!! I don’t want to fail! I want to have every opportunity to do things the right way the first time! Thanks for the encouragement…I really need it today!
Post # 8
That sucks, I’m sorry your boss is so hostile. I have a similar situation. My boss sooooo dislikes me, and makes it apparent. There’s a long story to it, I won’t bore you with it. Anyway, I’ve learned to just ignore it all. Its one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned! Its nearly impossible at first, its like literally giving away your pride. She’ll be rude, or do something so unprofessional and I just have to take it. I am not interested in adding anymore fuel to the fire. Ugh, I hate it here….
Post # 9
@pieceacake – Well I hope that things go well when you meet with her! You should prepare yourself for the possibility that it won’t, though. This woman sounds like she isn’t the type to respond well to any sort of criticism so you’ll have to be really careful how you phrase things. And OMG don’t cry! If you cry, she wins. Also you’ll forever be “that girl who cries” and nobody wants that in their professional life.
Post # 10
@Kitty–I know!!! I can’t cry. Which is why Monday is good because I’ll get over my emotions by then and be strictly professional. It’ll also give me time to prep what I want to talk about and sort out the emotions from the real issues–like being appropriate at work and approaching topics with a more proactive stance. Innocent until proven guilty, right?
I did just get a report from the manager that I support about his conversation with her regarding the work I do and he backed me 100%. I’d say that’s a win. 🙂 There’s always a little light at the end of the tunnel! At least the manager that I work with every day thinks my work is up to par!