(Closed) I need advice Bees! Am I right to be upset about this?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Who cares what he says.  Let it roll off your back. I think he’s looking to slam your relationship as a way to NOT have to propose to your friend.

This is mild to the rest of the crap you’re going to have to deal with the rest of your life.  Do not let him take up space in your head.

Post # 4
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think he was rude for not dropping the subject, but he is entitled to his opinion. I get being taken aback for a minute, but to say you don’t want him near your wedding is an overreaction, in my opinion. Not everyone is going to agree with your choices; part of being an adult is learning how to be confident enough in your own decisions that those unsolicited opinions don’t affect you so deeply. If he keeps pushing his opinions on you, just tell him you’re not interested in what he thinks and you’d appreciate it if he kept his advice to himself. But it doesn’t have to become a big thing if you don’t let it. 

Post # 5
79 posts
Worker bee

 Let it go.  You met someone who is judgemental and classless.  Probably wasn’t the first time and most likely won’t be the last time.  Just do your best when you are in his presence , to ignore him as much as possible. 

Post # 6
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

He’s welcome to his opinion and obviously you do care since you are upset. Stop caring what people think and move on. 

Post # 7
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Don’t let it make you made, my fiance and I got engaged after 10 months and will be married 3 months before our 2 year anniversary and I dont care what anyone else says as long as we are happy with our decision!  Plus he is probably doing that because he doesnt want his girlfriend to start wanting to get engaged and using you guys as an example.  Good luck honey – I know its easier said than done to not worry about what others think 🙂

Post # 8
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@KaitKitten:  If you really don’t care about his opinion, then it shouldn’t hurt your feelings.  Her Boyfriend or Best Friend obviously has issues with commitment, that’s a problem between him and her.  Your Fiance wants to marry you, and you want to marry him, who cares about the rest of the world.

Post # 9
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Everyone has an opinion on engagements, weddings, and marriages.  Don’t let them get to you.  I am sure at some point you will have at least a few people tell you not to get married at all ever because marriage sucks.  Your friend apologized the best that she could in that situation and you should move on.

Post # 10
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Ok..so bad on him for being a loud mouthed know it all…when he’s been married to the same person for 50 years, I might solicit his sage advice, until then, every man has the right to make an ass of himself in his own house…so whatever.

Now for you dear lady, are entitled to feel any way you like about this particular incident, but I would strongly advise you to chalk it up to someone talking out of their ass and call it a day.  Since chewing on it and upsetting yourself is truly counterproductive and a total waste of time.  Not every person you know or bump into is going to congratulate you on your engagement, a lot of people are going to have flimsy, stupid or unsolicited advice for you and more than a few of your vendors are going to treat you less than stellar, because to them, your wedding is just another day at the office.

This is an important day in your life for certain, but don’t be tempted to use your wedding as a tool to evidence dislike for people or their behavior, you will find out quickly this day is not nearly as important to the people around you as you might have thought, and I’m sure you will find that the hustle and bustle of planning leaves no time to dwell on the people that aren’t excited and happy for you.

Post # 11
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First of all, Congrats!!!

I’d be upset at first too but consider the source, maybe he feels your friend is going to be expecting him to propose now too(some guys have weird reactions to things), or he’s just an a$$. Let it go it’s not worth your time.

If he brings it up again, cut him off and say thanks, you made your opinion very clear the first time but we dont need your approval so case closed. He’s entitled to his opinion but you dont need to hear it repeatedly.

Post # 13
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I got engaged to Darling Husband a month after our one-year anniversary.  We got married at the 2.5 year mark.  It’s not a big deal, at all.  What I am thinking, from my future-Psychologist’s perspective, is that your friend is maybe feeling a little sad that her bf refuses to even consider marriage with her until they’ve been together five years.  She sees you happy and engaged, but she knows she will not have that until her committment-phobe bf gets to a point where he’s ready.  How long have they been together? 


Post # 15
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@KaitKitten:  My fiance and I fell in love and wanted to get married pretty much as soon as we established ourselves as a couple, which was about 4 months after meeting each other. I was just getting out of a long-term relationship too. We held off and are getting married 5 years after the fact. So, sometimes you just know, and that’s wonderful, and I am happy for you and him that you two have found each other.

Your friend and her boyfriend are justified in their opinions, but they just need to speak their peace and then keep it to themselves from here on out. My fiance and I didn’t really get into rough patches until a couple of years into our relationship, and especially when we moved in together. It was certianly a bumpy ride. He even broke up with me briefly 🙁 Had we been married, it would have been just as bad and hurtful…we would have just been married and would have felt more afraid of “splitting up”. But, the point is, we love each other so much, and can’t imagine life without each other. We knew it from the very beginning. I was 22 and he was 27, we are now 27 and 32 respectfully…time just creates more history, it doesn’t always change your mind.

All couples are different though. I am projecting my relationship on to yours just like your friends are doing to you. They must feel more confident in their judgement for some reason, but that’s their own judgement or even their own fear. If your families are backing you up, I wouldn’t give their opinions as much consideration because your family will always look out for you.

Post # 16
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@KaitKitten:  I think you made your point. You can prove them wrong when you’re married for many years 😉

I think with some time you’ll get over this. You may not like the guy, but depending on the size of your wedding, you might not even see him much there.

It’s possible she was agreeing with him because she wants to marry and is just jealous that you’re heading towards marriage so fast (compared to her), so she was trying to take you down a peg or two. That or she genuinely believes you need to be together 5+ years… to each their own. 5+ years is way too long for me, I think you know if you want to be with that person much sooner, especially if you’re in your mid-late 20s and older.

I probably wouldn’t have argued, since it’s not like you can change peoples’ minds. Just try to put it out of your head.


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