Post # 1
What’s going on? Where am I going wrong?
Hi peeps so here’s the situation. I’m going to try and not make this post too long but at the same time give you the necessary details to help figure this out and give me your advice on what I should do.
So I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend and I’ve been with him for 2 months (I met him nearly 3 months ago) I really have fallen for him and I do love him and he tells me he loves me. Things have been going well. We have moved quite fast (which is what I’ve been hoping for) and I’ve even met and gotten to know his family. Up until about 2 weeks ago we have been seeing each other nearly everyday and enjoying each other’s company. Recently he’s been making excuses for not seeing me e.g. he’s sick, he has things to do. Which I get we all get busy and have other things to get on with but there’s a pattern. He would make said excuse them say “sure we can meet tomorrow instead” when tomorrow comes another excuse and the same “I’ll see you tomorrow” and I’m left disappointed and unsettled. In 2 weeks I’ve seen him 3 times which is not ideal and I would like to see him more than that. He has been going through a stressful time which I understand and I’m there for him but at the same time it really hurts me when I get pushed away. I confronted him about it last Saturday not in a cheeky way but still in a firm way and he replied basically saying that he can’t stop doing other things in his life because I said so. I told him that I don’t want him to stop doing other things but to just spend some time with me. After that I decided to let him make the plans from now on. His sister actually arranged the coffee for me him and his family the last time I seen him (last Monday). During this week he has fobbed me off. I do love him and I’m scared to lose him and I feel like I’m not good enough when I know I am good enough and I’m trying to improve myself to make myself better and the best version of myself. I’ve been hurt by guys in the past and those insecurities have been creeping in and they are eating away at me.
As I’ve said before I do love him but he can make the move, he can arrange the dates etc. He told me at the start that he finds it hard to open up to people. I’m here for him when he’s ready to. What I’m going to do is spend more time with friends and make myself busier. I want to get a really good close bond with other people though I would never cross the line of cheating. I just don’t like feeling lonely and unwanted. I’m thinking of getting to know new people to spend time with and create close bonds with. I’m also really focusing on my weight loss journey. So far I’ve lost over 2st and I want to lose another stone which I will do and I know things will get much better when I’m happier and at target. I want to be 7st and I’m 5ft 1 1/2 and I want to be a uk size 6. I’m currently a size 8 to 10 (closer to 8). It’s my 27th birthday at the end of June and I’ve set myself a deadline that things have to get better by then or I’m seriously reconsidering my life.
My boyfriend also talks to his ex (which I don’t mind as long as it’s brief talk now and again) I know his ex and over the years I’ve grown to dislike her. He never saw her as anything serious just a long term on and off hook up girlfriend but she has intense stalkery feelings for him and she even wrote under the first picture I posted online with me and my boyfriend that he was seeing her. He told me that she was lying and that she tried to break up his last relationship (I personally know her and I know she’s not right in the head). He told me to block her and that he was going to do so. I blocked her on my main Facebook but still have her on my other Facebook and I notice he still has her as a friend. It’s no big deal as long as I’m the one he picked not her. I know that sounds petty but for once I just wish it was me who was that girl who is truly loved and wanted.
What do you think I should do?
Post # 3
Why cant you spend more time with your own family and friends? Why the need to get close with and bond with other men even if you don’t plan on actually cheating?
Post # 4
I think it’s really important that you stop basing so much of your value and time and thoughts on this man.
Don’t text him, call him, etc.
If he doesn’t text or call you, let him go. It’s only been two months, and you can do better than he’s treating you currently.
Live your life like he’s not in it.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2015 - Los Angeles, CA
You sound very needy. Big turn off for guys. Show him that you have your own life, live your own life. Don’t go chasing.
Post # 6
Bee, it’s very clear to me that you’re young, so I’m gonna give it to you straight: this is what happens when young people move quickly. There can be a pretty quick honeymoon stage, and then one party will often pull away. It sounds like things moved too quickly for HIM, and he’s just not comfortable with it. He probably feels smothered and wants to slow things down. This is normal, and the SECOND I read that you guys moved quickly I knew exactly what was going to happen. I have been through this 100 times and seen others go through it even more. It’s always the same.
So, what do you do about it? SLOW DOWN. Give him the space HE needs. It’s not for you to decide how much time HE needs with you–it’s only for you to agree that the time he wants to spend with you is enough for YOU. If it’s not, then either you two have to compromise, or you have to leave this relationship. Of course you spent so much time together at the beginning–“young lovers” always do that. But it was very unlikely to continue that way. Decide if you can handle what he’s willing to give and go from there.
In the future, resist the urge to move too quickly. That is the best advice I can ever give anyone about dating.
Post # 7
Thanks for the input. I’m gonna spend more time with family and friends and let him make the plans. I do love him and I really want things to work out. The thing is I’ve got close to his family and I feel included and welcomed by them (something I never got with my ex’s family). He tells me he really loves me and when we are together he is loving and I enjoy spending time together with him. I just need to give it time as only time will tell. Als improve myself and my life as I know things will get better when I do that.
Post # 8
After two months you barely know him enough to know if you really love him. Slow down.
A man who loves you will love you for who you are, not only if you lose another stone or cook better or whatever. When you make the effort to improve and expand your own life for your own personal benefit you will be happier, regardless of whether you are with him or not.
Post # 9
It sounds like you’re insecure about other things (like your weight, which is irrelevant to the relationship) and this guy is just a piece of that.
You said you two had been dating nearly every day until recently. He may be reaching the point where the initial infatuation has worn off and he wants to go back to other things in his life he enjoys. You should do the same. Don’t worry yourself sick over a guy you’ve only been dating for 2 months. Live your life. You’ll still get to see him, and with time (probably a lot more time if you’re as young as I think you are) you’ll know if the relationship should progress.
Post # 10
I mean, I wouldn’t write off the ex when she says he’s still seeing her. He may not be dating her but he could still be screwing her.
Post # 11
1 – Are you familiar with the term “love bombing”? because that’s what this relationship sounds like- and it sounds like your guy has gotten full and needs some space.
2- Two month is basically two minutes in relationship terms. You do not know him. You didn’t even get through the hormonal phase. You’re doing waaaaay too much.
3- Your weight does not make you more or less worthy of love. Period. End of discussion.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
Agree with PP that this is really fast to be so invested in this relationship. Early relationship feelings can be INTENSE, and I totally get that, but it’s time to put on the brakes a bit and spend some time doing your own thing.
Also, the ex thing is sending up so many red flags. He told you he deleted her, but he hasn’t? She said they’re still messing around, but you trust him when he says they aren’t? You’ve known him for 2 months. It’s impossible for you to gauge right now whether he’s being honest with you. Of COURSE he’s going to tell you he isn’t. I think he is.
This is exactly what my first thought was, too.
Post # 13
OP, I see you made a thread very similar to this 5 months ago, fretting about a guy you’d only been on two dates with. You mentioned wanting to get married in the next couple years, but that previous guy is apparently out of the picture now. And in that thread, you mentioned yet another guy that it was “serious” with, even though you apparently only dated him a month. It seems you’re more interested in finding someone–anyone–to marry than you are with your compatibility with them as individuals.
Know that most men will not be on the same page as you regarding settling down or marriage until much later. Maybe re-think how much time it takes to form a true romantic partnership, or you will keep feeling this way about many more men in the future.
Post # 14
Whoa. Seriously slow down. If I was your guy I’d be scared to death by your neediness. You should be focusing on your education or your career, not making someone you’ve been dating 2 months the center of your life.
Post # 15
Bees, she’ll turn 27 at the end of June, she wrote that in her post.
OP, I agree with the others that it may be “love-bombing”, and let me tell you, that after only 2 months in, you don’t love someone, you’re in love/in the honeymoon-phase/infatuation-phase. I think that this difference is something very important you need to learn in order to view the dynamics from a realistic view point.
I also think you should better plan your dates maybe every week, so you know how much you’re going to see him. Because otherwise you’ll get quickly into the dynamic that you’re always available and he says if he feels like seeing you or not and thus deciding in the end.