I need advice on my relationship? Where am I going wrong?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

Why cant you spend more time with your own family and friends? Why the need to get close with and bond with other men even if you don’t plan on actually cheating?

Post # 4
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I think it’s really important that you stop basing so much of your value and time and thoughts on this man. 

Don’t text him, call him, etc. 

If he doesn’t text or call you, let him go. It’s only been two months, and you can do better than he’s treating you currently. 

Live your life like he’s not in it. 

Post # 5
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - Los Angeles, CA

 You sound very needy. Big turn off for guys. Show him that you have your own life, live your own life. Don’t go chasing.

Post # 6
Member
1155 posts
Bumble bee

Bee, it’s very clear to me that you’re young, so I’m gonna give it to you straight: this is what happens when young people move quickly. There can be a pretty quick honeymoon stage, and then one party will often pull away. It sounds like things moved too quickly for HIM, and he’s just not comfortable with it. He probably feels smothered and wants to slow things down. This is normal, and the SECOND I read that you guys moved quickly I knew exactly what was going to happen. I have been through this 100 times and seen others go through it even more. It’s always the same. 

So, what do you do about it? SLOW DOWN. Give him the space HE needs. It’s not for you to decide how much time HE needs with you–it’s only for you to agree that the time he wants to spend with you is enough for YOU. If it’s not, then either you two have to compromise, or you have to leave this relationship. Of course you spent so much time together at the beginning–“young lovers” always do that. But it was very unlikely to continue that way. Decide if you can handle what he’s willing to give and go from there. 

In the future, resist the urge to move too quickly. That is the best advice I can ever give anyone about dating. 

Post # 8
Member
7964 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

After two months you barely know him enough to know if you really love him. Slow down.

A man who loves you will love you for who you are, not only if you lose another stone or cook better or whatever. When you make the effort to improve and expand your own life for your own personal benefit you will be happier, regardless of whether you are with him or not. 

Post # 9
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2022

It sounds like you’re insecure about other things (like your weight, which is irrelevant to the relationship) and this guy is just a piece of that.

You said you two had been dating nearly every day until recently. He may be reaching the point where the initial infatuation has worn off and he wants to go back to other things in his life he enjoys. You should do the same. Don’t worry yourself sick over a guy you’ve only been dating for 2 months. Live your life. You’ll still get to see him, and with time (probably a lot more time if you’re as young as I think you are) you’ll know if the relationship should progress.

Post # 10
Member
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I mean, I wouldn’t write off the ex when she says he’s still seeing her. He may not be dating her but he could still be screwing her.

Post # 11
Member
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

1 – Are you familiar with the term “love bombing”? because that’s what this relationship sounds like- and it sounds like your guy has gotten full and needs some space.

2- Two month is basically two minutes in relationship terms. You do not know him. You didn’t even get through the hormonal phase. You’re doing waaaaay too much.

3- Your weight does not make you more or less worthy of love. Period. End of discussion.

Post # 12
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

Agree with PP that this is really fast to be so invested in this relationship. Early relationship feelings can be INTENSE, and I totally get that, but it’s time to put on the brakes a bit and spend some time doing your own thing.

Also, the ex thing is sending up so many red flags. He told you he deleted her, but he hasn’t? She said they’re still messing around, but you trust him when he says they aren’t? You’ve known him for 2 months. It’s impossible for you to gauge right now whether he’s being honest with you. Of COURSE he’s going to tell you he isn’t. I think he is.

View original reply
slomotion :  This is exactly what my first thought was, too.

Post # 13
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2022

OP, I see you made a thread very similar to this 5 months ago, fretting about a guy you’d only been on two dates with. You mentioned wanting to get married in the next couple years, but that previous guy is apparently out of the picture now. And in that thread, you mentioned yet another guy that it was “serious” with, even though you apparently only dated him a month. It seems you’re more interested in finding someone–anyone–to marry than you are with your compatibility with them as individuals.

Know that most men will not be on the same page as you regarding settling down or marriage until much later. Maybe re-think how much time it takes to form a true romantic partnership, or you will keep feeling this way about many more men in the future.

Post # 14
Member
5850 posts
Bee Keeper

Whoa. Seriously slow down. If I was your guy I’d be scared to death by your neediness. You  should be focusing on your education or your career, not making someone you’ve been dating 2 months the center of your life.

Post # 15
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Bees, she’ll turn 27 at the end of June, she wrote that in her post.

OP, I agree with the others that it may be “love-bombing”, and let me tell you, that after only 2 months in, you don’t love someone, you’re in love/in the honeymoon-phase/infatuation-phase. I think that this difference is something very important you need to learn in order to view the dynamics from a realistic view point.

I also think you should better plan your dates maybe every week, so you know how much you’re going to see him. Because otherwise you’ll get quickly into the dynamic that you’re always available and he says if he feels like seeing you or not and thus deciding in the end.

 

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