Ok here is my take on this…
He is 23… You are 25 (and we all know women mature faster than men… so this means you are SIGNIFICANTLY farther down the road than he is). So ya after 2-1/2 Years you are looking for some kind of “commitment” or explanation to “Where do you see this going ?”
In reality, they say that men KNOW somewhere between the 12 months and 24 months timeframe if the girl they are seeing is THE ONE or not
So based on what you’ve said here… I’d wager YES HE KNOWS… but at the same time, men aren’t in a big rush to settle down as much as us women are… they don’t have a “clock ticking” anywhere… they see themselves as having FOREVER (well almost) to get to that stage in their lives. Which is also WHY so many Bees on the WAITING BOARD are frustrated… cause men just don’t see the urgency. They see happiness, they see contentment… so WHY would they want to rock the boat ?
Men need something to make them realize that things might not stay status quo… and it cannot be an ultimatium.
So, OP you did the right thing asking Questions… BUT more importantly what you need to do is formulate YOUR LIFE PLAN… what it is YOU WANT to do with YOUR LIFE over the 2, 5, 10 years… and then share that with him. (ie. By the time I am x yrs old I see myself finished with my education, and then by x settling into my career, by x Married, and by x starting a family). You develop YOUR LIFE PLAN… and then you share it with him, and sit back and LISTEN to what he has to say.
IF he wants you in his life, sees you in his life, HIS LIFE PLAN will reflect that… if he doesn’t see things that way, then you’ll hear it & know. Pay attention… men don’t tend to mess about with the truth when they talk about their LIFE PLANS. A guy who says, they don’t see themselves married to 30, is more than likely telling you the truth. So don’t think you are going to change things.
That said… this guy is just 23. Still pretty young. He’s probably focussing on all sorts of things beyond settling down. He is happy with the relationship you guys have now… even if you are 4 time zones apart.
Things would probably change if you were to move closer to him (or he to you). Solely because of the proximity and the fact you’d be spending more time together. Do you want to do that ? Well I would say if you do… make sure you are doing it FOR YOU and not for him. Anotherwords, if you move to the East, think about what would happen if you guys broke up almost immediately right afterwards.. would you be ok being on the East Coast or not ?
No matter what you do, move or not… altho I am a BIG proponent of living together before getting married… I wouldn’t move in with him unless I truly knew and UNDERSTOOD where the relationship was headed. Is it a case of “we really like each other lets live together”… OR “lets live together and see where this goes”… OR “lets live together and make plans to get married”… ALL 3 OF THOSE are significantly different from one another. And some women even make it clear to the guy that they won’t move in UNLESS there is a firm plan that includes a Ring (either BEFORE or AFTER she moves in). And there is nothing wrong with that either. Every girl has her standards.
And that is important… you have to KNOW YOU… and be comfortable with YOU and YOUR STANDARDS and WHAT YOU WANT. Cause in the end this is YOUR LIFE … don’t be a doormat, don’t put your Hopes & Dreams for life on the back burner for some guy… especially DO NOT DO THIS WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG
So heres what I’d do…
I’d make up my LIFE PLAN… for myself. You might have to do some reading & research to totally comprehend what it is you want out of life… like if a trip to some exotic place is on your short list etc.
And I’d go on living my life for me… 6 months from now… around that 3 Year Anniversary mark… I’d share my LIFE PLAN with him (no point talking future anything at this point… the guy has told you he ain’t there yet… and WHEN he does expect to be there… anything else is NAGGING him… and that isn’t a good thing. If you have problem fulfilling that… then you need to check out the SHUT IT UP PACT here on WBee)
So 6 months from now, you’ll be on track for your own life… and your LIFE PLAN. And he’ll have to decide what HE WANTS.
If he wants you in his life in a bigger way he’ll tell you. If that means you move there… and you negotiate what that means for you two great (ie moving in or not). OR If that means, you say, you’re established out west, and cannot move… then he’ll have to make a decision. Trust me, he wouldn’t be the first guy to either let a girl go cause he tired of the distance… NOR would be the first guy who decides to pack it all up and move for a woman.
In reality… THAT for me would be a far greater sign of what his commitment truly is (well unless you agree to go to him, and he’s planning to buy a ring)
Anyhow… you see how it works… the back & forth.
The this is my life… how does yours fit into mine thing.
Hope this helps,
PS… For more info on Life Plans and turning Dating into Long Term Relationships / Marriage you might want to pick up a copy of Dr Phil’s “Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got”