(Closed) I need advice on sister/maid of honor

posted 12 years ago in Family
Post # 17
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

If she can’t afford what you picked, can you offer for her to wear something that matches your color scheme/type of dress that she picks- she probably won’t be able to find something cheaper and will stick with yours.

Also, it seems that most of your fighting stems from a $200 dress- can’t you find a way to pay for it together that is also an excuse for sisterly bonding. I’m thinking bake sale, fundraiser, tupperware/avon party etc. It is only $200 and it should not tear the bride and her Maid/Matron of Honor apart. also, as a last resort- how close are you to your parents? They said they would pay, will they??

I agree with the others that your sister should not be insulting you and that is a bad quality of a Maid/Matron of Honor. 


Post # 18
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Okay, well A – remember she’s pregnant. Hormones rage and knowing you can’t participate in the biggest day of your sisters life as a supporting role can be stressful and cause outbursts – I know I’d be a reck if I coulnd’t be there for my sister on her big day, standing by her side.

Does that make her attitude ok – certianly not. But maybe, and just maybe – you’re more focused on your day and not the upcoming joys in her life, adn that can really hurt – sisters need to be equally supportive..it’s just a thought, I obviously don’t know the rest of the background.

I think she’s overwhemled with life right now, and doens’t want to back out of the wedding for fear of hurting you. Especially with you saying "So you can’t be my maid of honor now!?" I woulnd’t want to back out on that note…it’s scary – what are you going to do, hang up, cause more stress on you and her? No body whats that with these two great days approching for your family.

Her treatment of you isn’t ok, but you’re not giving her a fair and level chance to back out, she needs to know she can with out losing a sister or causing a family brawl – even if it might break your heart.

My Future Sister-In-Law, backed out of being my Maid/Matron of Honor because she "planned" to be pregnant at the time of the wedding, not even that she was. And at first yeah, I was a bit pissy but I got over it realy quick. And now I’m glad I didn’t make her fork over $200 for a dress that would have to be altered who knows how many times due to pregnancy and really never be able to be worn again, or even sold easily! 

Yes this is your day, but it’s only one day, and she’ll be your sister forever. You have to decide whats more important and maybe focus on her for a minute to find the answer your looking for. 

Post # 19
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

Let’s face it, your issue is not really about the dress…the dress is just the catalyst for underlying issue.

I also asked my two sisters to be maid/matron of honor out of obligation.  I did it because I thought maybe it would bring us closer, and they would step up and be there for me.

It was a disaster, and just made me realize that you can’t expect people to change, especially during such an important time of your life where you’re also a bit on edge, too.  I realized that it was my expectation of them being nicer that was letting me down.  They were jsut acting like they always do, which isn’t all that nice.

It’s up to you, but I’d at least try to talk to her one last time and emphasize that you are both going through major life moments right now that are equally as cost-consuming.  It’s not about the money, but rather if she really wants to be a part of it. 

If she still says yes, then let her, but stop relying on her and start reyling more on your friends who will be there for you.  Don’t give her the opportunity to say mean things to you anymore.  It’s not right, and you shouldn’t take it.  But you shouldn’t be doing nice things for her out of obligation either.  Maybe it’s time to realize that some sisters just don’t get along and that’s OK, so let’s stop faking it.


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