- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
I’m going to try to make this as short and sweet as possible.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 and a half years and we’ve been living together for 3ish. We’ve always been open about talking about our future, getting engaged, marriage, buying a house, etc. Lately I’ve taken up hobbies to keep my mind off of getting engaged because I didn’t want to pressure him and I knew it probably wouldn’t happen until after he gets his degree in another two-ish years (as he had previously told me).
Last night on our way to dinner he told me he had some good news. The news was that by next year he should have enough classes done and there will be a significant increase in his annual income at his job. Excitedly, I asked “So does that mean we can get engaged then!?” *insert teethy smile here* his response was a mix of rambling nonesense and excuses. In short, he meant “no”.
We got to the sushi place and by then I was furious. I tried to stay calm and ordered my meal. Between the time I ordered and the time it came I had been backtracking in my head the last year or so. Then I just asked him, “Do you even want to get married?” he sat there silently for a while then started talking about how his parents got divorced and how just under 50% of marriages fail, etc. So I asked him again “Do YOU want to get married?” he then pulled the “A piece of paper won’t change anything” card, and again, in short… “no”. Take into consideration that this is all news to me! Like I said, we HAD discussed marriage and he has stated that he wanted to marry me. He then asked me WHY I wanted to get married. I basically told him that I shouldn’t have to have an argument to convince him to marry me and I will not stay with him if marriage isn’t involved. I do not want to be with him in 30 years as his 50 year old GIRLFRIEND. Then (after making me feel bad for even wanting to get married and him arguing ever excuse he could think of) he started telling me that he wants to be with me and if that means getting married then that’s fine.
I don’t want him to be “fine” with marrying me! I don’t want to debate with him about why we should get married! I want him to WANT to marry me and I don’t think that’s something to have to defend! I have invested SO much into this relationship with the crazy idea that someday we’d get married. I am so pissed and I don’t know what to do at this point. I am sorry it’s so long.