(Closed) I need advice… sorry its so long.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

im so sorry you are in this situation. i know a little about vengeful/crazy parents (gma in my case tho, ESP the part about showing up to cause a scene im currently in that dilemma meh).

it seems like your Fiance & Future Father-In-Law have a good (atleast ok) relationship. would it be possible to express that you would really appreciate him there and see if he can set aside differences for one day? tell him you will do your best to keep the 2 of them separate. seat them in diff areas for the whole thing…that is if Future Mother-In-Law shows up. it would be a shame for him not to be there just bc of the possibility she would be when she is threatening not to come. you keep in contact with him so it makes more sense to try and accomidate him than Future Mother-In-Law. if she does show up have a Groomsmen or someone u trust to try and keep watch on them so no drama goes on. good luck!

Post # 4
2 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013


I’m sorry to hear this unfortunate situation is threatening your big day, and causing unrest in your relationship. As this is yours and your future husband’s big day, it is the two of you together deciding how you proceed. This may be one of those situations which may define your future relationship with his family.

In my opinion.. Nobody should hold you hostage to their moods and nastiness. It sounds like your future mother in law needs to be told about boundaries, what you find acceptable and what not. If husband to be feels he cannot handle the situation, perhaps there is another neutral third party who could mediate a grown up conversation? Perhaps she is very hurt by your relationship with her ex, and needs to be reassured you value her as much. Perhaps she’s just purely nasty and no amount of talking will change how she behaves. But you have to try. I would have this conversation now, well before the wedding. If things do not improve, then personally I would be against inviting her. but I know it is easy for me to talk, I am not in your shoes.

i will tell you about ‘my shoes’. My parents divorced rather bitterly quite a few years ago. They cannot stand each other, and, in the past, threatened to boycott occasions if the other one would be there. my wedding is coming up in July, and my father said he would not be attending. He did not ‘blame it’ on mum, but the undertext was there. I said I was upset about his decision, but I could understand. I did not try to change his mind, beyond reassuring him that i really wanted him there on my special day. That’s all I can do – it is very upsetting, I cry a lot thinking about it. But i have come to accept I cannot change people around me, even my parents :).

good luck with it, and be brave x

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