Post # 1
I need some advice to my situation.
We are both 32 years old. I personally believe that when a guy will propose whenever he is ready. So I have never talked marriage with him in the past 5 years. I did make it clear that we would have kids in the future. However, he has never talked about marriage to me at all. But he did tell me that I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. So I patiently wait for him to be ready before he propose.
Now I am 32 so there is really no more time to spend on waiting. One day I finally asked him one day if he was ever going to ask me to marry him. He was totally defensive and tell me I have never talk about it so he assumed we don’t have to. He also told me in a denfensive tone that he had never, not even once thought about marrying me. I was absolutely disappointed, upset and hurt about it. That conservation did not end in a happy manner. I basically told him that I want to get married soon since I am already 32 and want kids.
He then told me a few days later that he wants to marry me after put some thoughts into it. I was still very hurt about what happened. I am hurt that he never consider about the kid/me being older issue. I am hurt that he never wanted to marry me. I am hurt that he never told me he didn’t want to get married. I told him I did not want to force him unless he is absolutley sure. He said he is sure now and he wants to have kids with me soon. I went on explain that I would really want to get engaged by next year (I did tell me by a certain timeframe). He said okay. I didn’t tell him I would leave him if he doesn’t propose. But I told him I would really like to be engaged before that deadline because of the wedding planning/kid planning issue.
Is it wrong of me to tell him that I want the engagement before this deadline? I honestly did not want to tell him to propose but I felt like there is really not much choice left for me. I really have the need to since I am already 32 years old and we have been dating and living together for the past 4 years.
Post # 2
Why would you want to marry him? Ugh. No thanks.
I firmly believe if a guy wants to marry you, he will move mountains to make it happen.
Post # 3
Do you need a proposal? If you both want to get married and you want to TCC sooner rather than later can you make a decision, get a ring (if you want one) get the wedding over and start trying for those bubbies?
You might not want to do this at all, so feel free to ignore haha but if you are more keen to get started on a family and just want to be married first that might be a good way to go about it 🙂
Post # 4
It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend truly wants to marry you.
Post # 5
I actually think there is nothing to panic about here. Looks like everything is fine. From your account:
1. Told you he wants to spend his life with you
2. Has proven it by being with you for five years
3. Is surprised that you want marriage, since you had never mentioned a peep about it before, yet agrees to propose and marry you. agrees to everything.
So looks like everything is fine. Just be excited that a proposal is coming.
Forever is a long time. If you have already decided on him, and he has decided on you, I don’t think a proposal timeline is necessary in this instance.
Post # 6
I agree with Peachytalk. I think some people are just fine with being in a relationship and never getting married and I think he assumed that that applied to the two of you since you never discussed a desire to get married before. But now that he knows how you feel and he says he still wants to move forward in the relationship, then it seems like you’re both on the same page again. You didn’t give him an ultimatum, you just expressed the timeline you see things happening, especially since you want kids. I think everything’s ok.
Post # 7
You have never once mentioned wanting to get married? I am not surprised he hasn’t asked, then! People have children without being married, so it is possible it never crossed his mind even though you’ve had talks about children.
However, you’ve finally breached the topic, and aside from the shock (years of relationship and it comes as a surprise to him!), the outcome was rather amiable as you’ve both decided and agreed. (:
And since you’ve talked about children before and it isn’t an issue, all is well! Congratulations! You’re getting engaged soon! 😀
Post # 8
Some men don’t see marriage as essential.
Your SO said he wanted to have a family with you and spend the rest of his life with you. That is commitment.
When you said you wanted to get married (after never mentioning it before) he was at first shocked but shortly after said that yes, he would like to marry you too.
I can see why you are disappointed, it would have been nice if he came to this conclusion without you brining marriage up.. but it is what it is and it seems like you will be getting engaged soon. Try not to get caught up in the details.