(Closed) I need advice…any opinion is helpful. :)

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

No, you’re not being horrible.  If she was a very close friend and you approved of the marriage then I would say yes, you NEED to try to be there.  But, in this case, I think you can get away with not going.  Tell her you really just can not take the time off, send a nice card or something.  People have to understand that not EVERYONE can make it to a wedding.  Good Luck.

Post # 4
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you can get away with not going also. She can’t simply expect someone who lives 8 hours away to make the trip 100%.

And what the heck — you were a bridesmaid and now you’re not but she didn’t even tell you? I don’t get that…that right there is reason enough not to go! How can she be mad at you for not coming but she did that to you?

Post # 5
34 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011

I must say that I am a very vindictive person, lol!  Just for the fact that she didn’t have the curtesy to inform you that you were no longer in the bridal party would be enough grounds for you NOT to attend!  But then again that’s just me Tongue out


Post # 6
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s pretty lame you gave her that bull answer. You should have said no, made up a lie about work and stuck to it. How are you going to take “maybe I’ll come, if I do don’t worry I’ll only be at the ceremony”? I wouldn’t appricate those vauge answers either I’d rather you just decline.

Post # 7
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i agree that it’s crap she asked you to be a bridesmaid and then didn’t tell you that you were out. HOWEVER, giving her a wishy-washy answer of whether you’re going to attend is not okay either. it seems like you’ve already made up your mind that you can’t go, so just tell her that with your work schedule, you won’t be able to make it. most venues need a headcount and it would be extremely stressful (especially with seating charts, etc.) to have someone that couldn’t commit. sorry if this is blunt.

Post # 8
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I live in Alberta. Yaaaa Canada:D You are not being horrible. How could she not tell you, you were out of the party?? Something that I have learned over the years is life is too short to spend your time in a place you dont want to be. If you dont want to go, then dont. You could just tell her that you cant get the time off work but the next time you are in town you will have to get together for a drink to celebrate. If she chooses to be upset about that then that is on her. Good Luck:D

Post # 9
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You’re not a horrible person for not going, but I agree with @vmec’s point. Either accept or decline the invitation, and just be honest about your reason (if you even give one). As the host, it’s annoying to get these wishy-washy responses, you know?

Post # 10
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just give her a definite answer if you will show up or not. Personally I would go because I’m always curious about how weddings like this will be.

Post # 11
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

is she really still a friend? If it wasn’t for FB, you prob wouldn’t even be in touch. You have out grown that friendship, and that’s okay. She is now an old friend (some would say an ex-friend for pulling that un-BM move she made…), I would even say she is an acquaintance. You do not need to put this much energy into someone you used to be close to.

You are not a bad person for not twisting your life and priorities to go to the wedding of someone you *used* to be close to. Send her a $50 gift card from the place she is registered and call it a day!

EDIT–wait, you told her ‘maybe’? Not a Yes or NO, just Maybe? Okay, I’ve changed my answer- you are a bad person for giving her a maybe. Do you even know how expensive a maybe can be? I had to eat  $300 because 2 people didn’t make it to my wedding. Knew a few days before, but never bothered to tell me. Then again, i had to get my #’s to the venue a week before hand, but I could have invited some other people (who would not have been offended to be invited last minute, btw) and not just lost the money. Seriously, grow up and make a decision and tell her one way or another if you are going to show up.

Post # 14
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I dont know how she even dare tell you she is upset that you wont be going, when she didnt have the decency to tell you she had changed her mind about you being a bridesmaid.   i mean,  if you’re not a good enough friend to be a bridesmaid, then she shouldnt be too upset at you not going. 

its going to cost big time to attend,  because its not just a drive there and back, its obviously an overnighter.  

I too am pretty vindictive as someone above said,  and i would tell the other  friend,   to let her know you wont be going……she seems to be the source of information apparently…. LOL

Dont beat yourself up about it,  you’d also be a hypocrite to go if you dont believe in there union.

Post # 15
39 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

You DEF do NOT have to go. You’re barely even friends with her, she couldn’t even tell you you were no longer a bridesmaid (insult right there), and then just gives you an invitation to attend her wedding?

Of course she was upset because she probably wants as many people as possible at her wedding — maybe she has a number of people she needs at her venue, liek a quota to fulfill — and that’s why she’s upset. Who knows.

All I know is she sounds like a rude and inconsiderate person, who you don’t owe anything to.

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