(Closed) I need bride opinions…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

@jeg14:  I would come right out and tell her that you’re having trouble coming up with the money and you’re on a tight budgt. I mean, you said she would help you out if needed, right? Just talk to her. Btw, I think $1000 for a weekend trip is a little ridiculous…

Post # 4
7276 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

If I was the bride in this situation and my Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t come I would be a little disappointed. However, I would be completely understanding of your situation. Of course I would be a little sad that my best friend couldn’t make it but I would also realize that $1000 is a lot of money no matter what the situation is. 

My husband and I both make a very comfortable salary. I could afford a $1000 trip but I would not spend that much on a bachelorette party so I think it’s perfectly reasonable for you to not go. I also would not want to owe a friend that kind of money. My rule is to not go into debt for “fun” things and this would certainly fall into the “fun” category.

Just tell her you can’t afford it sooner rather than later.

Post # 5
1378 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@jeg14:  I think you should tell her. From your post it sounds like she didn’t exactly tell you all the details (especially in terms of money), so I think an honest discussion with her of your finances versus what you’re expected to pay would go a long way. It seems that the other girls are excited, so it doesn’t sound like you’d be leaving the bride high and dry with no one to help. You should not be expected to whip out $1000 (which seems a lot, IMO) for this wedding. 

Post # 5
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sorry, but $1,000 for a bachelorette party is insane. I would just be honest and tell her that you can’t afford it. I don’t see how anyone could. That is so much money! I am Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend who is getting married 3 months before me. We are both in school for our undergraduate degrees, and I don’t plan on spending more than a couple hundred on shower, gift, bachelorette, dress, shoes, etc. I wouldn’t even be able to afford that if not for my mom and Fiance helping me out. 

Post # 6
1097 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would be disappointed, but I also wouldn’t want my party to put someone in debt or mess them up financially. That is A LOT of money for one weekend. My mindset is if you choose to have a party like bachelorette or wedding out of the area for people, you should expect many people can’t come — even your nearest and dearest. 

I would def talk to her sooner than later and say you are disappointed because you really want to go to celebrate her and it sounds like a blast, but you don’t have the money nor can you pay her back at a reasonable time (even if she insists say you are not comfortable with it). If she’s a true friend, she will understand and not make you feel bad about it.

It does suck because the BMs are able to go and not the Maid/Matron of Honor, but try not to let that hang you up. It’s strictly a matter of money and you are student so they should understand!

Post # 8
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Thinking about the relationship between me and my Maid/Matron of Honor, I would be a little sad but of course I would understand. It already costs the bridal party a decent amount to be in the wedding, so it stands to reason that you just can’t afford EVERYTHING. I also think $1000 EACH for the bachelorette party is pretty outrageous. It surprises me that she is expecting that, knowing that you have your own wedding to plan for. I totally understand your feelings, but try not to feel guilty about spending that money on your wedding. I just think the timing is unfortunate, but if you explain your situation to her (again, it looks like) and she really wants you there then she’ll find a way to make it work. Or she’ll have to understand that you can’t.

Post # 7
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

jeg14:  I’d sit down with her and have a heart to heart.

Explain that you simply can’t afford to pay for it. You have been trying to save up for it, and make it part of your budget, but with only x amount to last you until you finish school, and with moving and bills, it just isn’t feasible for you to be there with them in person. Perhaps you can swing a hundred bucks to send a gift basket to the place they’re going, so that they know you’re thinking of them?

If she pushes and says that she’ll pay for you and that you can pay her back when you’re more flush, or that there must be some way (parents) for you to scrape together the cash, then you can let her know that with your educational expenses, taking on debt, especially to friends, makes you uncomfortable. You can also let her know how sorry you are that you didn’t voice your concerns earlier, but you were feeling self-conscious about your lack of income and financial situation in light of how excited that everyone was about the plans.

Post # 9
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d love to know what the gals are getting and doing for $1,000 for the weekend! Let’s hear the details! I would never spend that, nor expect my friends to do so. N.E.V.E.R.

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