have you given much thought to the fact that some people deal with loss differently than others? this world is not always cut and dry, or black/white. we operate in a huge grey area…
some people dont "like" sad functions, and while the perception may be that she did not care, it may well be that she does care, and just doesnt like funerals/services and doesnt have the emotional ability to deal with death.
if you’re set on escorting her out of your Bridal Party -think of the implications of your actions – will you be ok with your friendship taking a new path? do you even want to remain friends with her based on her not showing up to the services? has this specific Bridesmaid or Best Man ever done anything to you personally?
when my mother passed away, 3 of my cousins did not show up b/c it was too hard for them – i cant fault them for not coming – that was their choice – and i understood. i didnt take it as a sign of disrespect, rather, while i was disappointed, i also accepted that it was hard for them – my mom was their favorite auntie and maybe it was just too hard to come to grips with saying goodbye.
when their mother passed away i declined the offer to give the eulogy – it’s not to say that i did not respect my aunt – but it was too hard for me -and they understood. i didnt ever think to not include them in my wedding b/c they didnt show up to my mother’s services.
attending funerals is not easy – it makes us face mortality and in most instances, it’s heartbreaking to see the loved ones left behind try and cope. there’s a sense of helplessness b/c we really cannot do anything to make their pain go away. just a side note – after my aunt passed away, my cousins and i all went out drinking and club-hopping – some may say that was disrespectful, but it was a way to "forget" the pain of losing someone so dear. it was also a way to be "normal" b/c trust me when i say that when you lose a parent, the whole world as you know it is never the same.
if you do let her go – take it easy on her. i personally would not, but that’s just me. if she actually did something "bad" to me, like hmmm maybe hit on my FH or start bad-mouthing me or whatever, then yes – let her go, but in this instance, i think you should understand that people have their own way of dealing with things.
we cant always expect people to behave they way we think they should or how would.
p.s. dont be surprised if GFs and members of your Bridal Party start being testy with you as your wedding gets closer also… weddings and funerals bring out a different side of people…