(Closed) I need divorce advice. Any bees been there? (long, sorry)

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL


Post # 4
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He needs to talk to a family law attorney as soon as possible. That is the best advice I can give at this point because I do not know how much different laws are in Canada than in the U.S.

Post # 5
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i’ve known dads to get custody of kids.  documention will help.  he should see a lawyer asap.

Post # 7
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MrsPanda99:  Until then he needs to document everything in writing (emails or texts if he can so they are time/date stamped.)  I remember your previous post and I AM SO GLAD HE IS DOING SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!

Post # 8
2780 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsPanda99:  I don’t know how it works in Canada but down here, more and more dads are getting custody of their kids. My dad had custody of all of us from the time my parents divorced. I also have a friend who has custody of his three kids. Judges these days are more about whats BEST for the kids and that’s not always being with mom (especially when she’s unfit) he needs to lawyer up immediately. The attorney can advise him on no next move and what he should be doing. One wrong move and she can twist and turn it to make him look bad. Tell him to continue documenting everything and only have major discussions with her over text/email so that there will be proof of everything she says. 

Post # 10
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Been there done that… and the road to “freedom” is filled with landmines !!

He needs to get an Attorney / Legal Advice for sure…

BUT he also needs to understand as many don’t (me too) that an Attorney is NOT YOUR FRIEND

They tend to play as if they are your friend… but they aren’t

It gets confusing cause you depend on them so much as a place to dump your emotions / frustrations… and they tell you early on they need to know all this stuff… so in the process you “feel” as if they are there for you.  But in reality, you really need to think of them like any other Vendor / Consultant, and continually get others opinions about your case, how the Lawyer is handling it (sees it / strategy) and where it is headed

You need to keep an eye on the ball… AND THE LAWYER

Cause ultimately, the Lawyer is just a guy or gal, who is out to make a buck (or mega bucks)

In all honesty THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.. and they don’t truly care whether you win or lose the case… to them it is just a job

(Don’t be surprised for example, if while in court, you discover that your Lawyer, and the one representing the other Party are great friends… that is the moment that I realized, that the game was a lot different from WHAT I ASSUMED it was.  YOU ARE AT THE MERCY OF THE LAWYERS… and it sucks, but currently there isn’t any other)

As for the kids, I’d certainly look at as a MINIMUM getting the Daughter some counselling… obviously she has SERIOUS body issues already, that may be causing her harm both psychologically & now physically.  That is not good.  Call your local mental health unit they probably can make some recommendations etc.  SHE NEEDS TO BE IN THERAPY ASAP

(( HUGS )) to you, your Brother, and the Kids.

PS… Mediation – cause it will probably come up.  Mediation is great when there is an amicable seperation, not when one party is very much annoyed.  I would guess that Mediation will prove out to be an added expense and a waste of time for your Brother… PLUS the fact that ANYTHING talked about in Mediation cannot be put on the table during an actual Trial.  That sucks, and often the “Manipulative” spouse will use that to their advantage.  My Ex certainly did.


Post # 11
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

As a mother that didn’t get custody of her children at her divorce, I’m saying it’s entirely possible. Ours was an amicable thing and he was more stable than I was at the time, so I let him retain custody. Technically we have joint custody, although he has physical custody. Perhaps he could work something out with her similar to this. I don’t know the laws in Canada of course, but the more they get settled, the easier this process will be.

Post # 12
2635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsPanda99:  Well good news (sorta) my dad won custody of us against all odds….so women don’t always win. 




Post # 13
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 Been there, though not with kids. However, I’m friends with a few guys that DID get custody, and the best thing they did was to get an attorney,  one that focuses on fathers. Document EVERYTHING. Time, date, event, witnesses if applicable.  The more evidence he can present, the  stronger his case. Her disorders are her problem, until  it causes harm to her children, which it is clearly doing. He needs to get his daughter professional help ASAP, and that is something that is potentially admissable.

Post # 14
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

1. Good family lawyer.

2. Social services. If social services deem that she has issues that are negatively impacting on the children, that should help his case for custody. 

How old are the children? Here we have an age of ‘responsibility’ as such in the eyes of the law, so at a certain age or maturity the children get a say in what happens to them.

Post # 15
129 posts
Blushing bee

@This Time Round:  It sounds like you had a bad experience with a divorce lawyer, so I understand your sentiment.  As a lawyer myself though, I think it’s unfair and inaccurate to paint all lawyers with the same brush of “not caring at all about you” and “only being in it for the money.”  Obviously every profession has bad apples, but disparaging an entire profession based on a personal experience is extreme. 

Post # 16
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t have advice but I just wanted to say I’m glad this situation is finally going to change. That woman is toxic. 

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