(Closed) I need help!!

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

You can only get legally married once. If you want to have a real full wedding at your church in LA, then you need to not get married in Chicago through Civil Court. If you get married in Chicago Civil Court and then go to LA, you will already by legally married so the priest would not be able to perform a real marriage ceremony for you. The only thing you would be eligible for is called a convalidation. The convalidation ceremony is not like a big wedding ceremony, because you are already married—it’s just the church’s way of putting its stamp of approval on the event that alread occurred. You might have a hard time talking the priest into doing a big ceremony at the church (if that is what you want) if you are already married in Civil Court. I’d wait.


Post # 4
581 posts
Busy bee

That’s why I think we should handle marriage like they do in Germany and other parts of Europe.  You must have a civil ceremony before you can have a church ceremony.  It’s the legal ceremony you need, not necessarily the spiritual one!  Just my opinion.

Post # 5
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@sudslover-I love that!  

Post # 6
25 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sort of in the same boat… I actually just got on weddingbee tonight to post something similar. My fiance will most likely be losing his insurance through his parents on June 30th because he turns 25 this month, but he is still in school and doesn’t have a full time job with benefits yet. He is scheduled for back surgery on June 18th, which is fine because he will still be covered, but by the time he is ready for physical therapy and follow-up appointments he won’t be covered anymore. I am looking into my insurance through my job to see if there is any sort of “pre-existing condition” clause, and if there isn’t we wanted to just go down to the court house so he can be put on my insurance. Of course, we are concerned about how the Catholic church would feel about this. We want to still go through with the ceremony and the reception in October, but we really need to get him on my insurance because going through the surgery knowing his insurance will be up less than 2 weeks later is scary, especially if there are any complications… which of course we hope not.

So I guess my question is… if you’re saying we can only be married once, but the Catholic church can do convalidation ceremony, what does that entail? I’m really nervous about his surgery and what to get him on my insurance if I can, but I still want to have our wedding in the church with our family and friends. Any info would be so appreciated!!

Post # 7
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’d say getting married is getting married.  As Catholics, we are bound by Canon Law to get married according to the laws of the Catholic Church.  This means we get married within the Catholic Church.  I’ve never heard of this thing in Germany where you get married in the courts and then in the Church.  That seems strange because that seems completely opposed to what Canon Law states.

I would talk to your priest about the insurance situation and see what he can do to help.  Perhaps he can rush you through the marriage prep process so that you can get married in the Church with a small service.  Its important to recognize that you can only marry once and that the marriage ceremony is not jus some formality.  A friend of mine was able to get married in the Church two months after she got engaged.  She told me her grandmother got married to her grandfather in the priest’s rectory.  All you need to get married is your Church/State witness, yourselves and two additional witnesses.  You don’t have to go to the courts to do something that small.  You don’t even need a wedding dress to get married in the Church.

So I would say see if you can get yourself rushed through the process in the Church and then hold a reception later.  My understanding is that if you do get married in the courts (which you’re not permitted to do under Canon Law), you would need to have your marriage convalidated if you still wished to practice your Catholic faith.  Since the convalidation is basically the Church validating that you are indeed married, rather than a second marriage ceremony, the Church tends to want to keep these small anyway.  I’d say in this instance, you just have to set your priorities.  It is more important for you to marry him and get him under your insurance?  Or is it more important to you to have a big expensive and elaborate wedding?

Post # 8
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I dunno, I’ve heard of people doing a civil ceremony and then having a church wedding. Yes, you can only be legally married once, but since the church doesn’t really recognize non-church weddings, I think they still let you do the whole shebang. Ask Miss Pudding, she’s already legally married and having a Catholic wedding. I guess it all depends on why you want to get married in Chicago. But, as all advice ends on this board, talk to your priest.

Post # 9
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We are having his presbyterian grandfather (a minister) perform our ceremony even though we are both Catholic. After the honeymoon, the church will “bless” us. That way we’re married through the eyes of the state AND the church.

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